Starting over

[startingover]

Hi, In the course of my research on herpes, I happened across your site and from the messages I read, I am hoping to glean an insight into the world of living with herpes. Reason being is that I began seeing a man who divulged he has herpes. I really like him and I think there could be potential for a terrific relationship but I am terrified of contracting herpes. So if I ask stupid questions or ones that a million people before have asked, I am going to apologize now, in advance. Also I want to thank you in advance because having already read through the posts many of you have made, I can see that this affliction crosses many demographics and that my worries and anxieties are not unlike those that many of you have. While I am sorry that any of you have worried or are anxious, I am glad to be in good company.

Thanks,

startingover

[ouch]

Thanks for being a considerate, kind human being and not running from this poor bloke because of this condition he has. It gives the other blokes on here hope that they too will meet a nice lady oneday!!!

It is ok to be afraid and to be concerned. I hope this forum will help you find answers as well as peace of mind. herpes sucks a rotten egg, but it is not the end of the world, and you can still have a loving, happy relationship despite the herpes. The positives you can take from it, is that it opens up dialougue for honest conversation in regards to things like safe sex, monogamy, relationships, etc. While he had a "come to jesus" moment with you in the heat of the moment, at least he DID tell you beforehand and has integrity....he knew you could have ran out of the room screaming from him but he chose to tell you, so that is good. Honesty is a good thing!!

With extra and added precautions, you can still have a loving relationship, and just be sure to abstain should he sense an outbreak coming on.

Thanks again for coming here and choosing to be educated about our little...condition...ahem... It makes such a difference for us all, if more non-herpes infected people learn more about it. (PLUS...it protects you as well from contracting it!!!)

[startingover]

Hi Ouch - Thank you for your kind response. I would be lying if I said that I was not freaked out about it but I really like him and would never want to be hurtful as I know it took great courage to tell me. His doing so gave me options that from what I have read, were probably good choices of action. My greatest concern is about the asymptomatic shedding that I have read so much about. It seems from everything that I have read that he could spread the condition even if he is not amidst an outbreak. However most of the documentation I have come across is vague. Can you point me in the direction of any more specific information on that topic?

Thanks again,

startingover

[ouch]

Hi again!

It sounds like he is a good guy and it did take a lot for him to muster up the courage to tell you, trust me, no easy feat. BUT he did and he is honorable and that says alot. So many men (and women) do NOT divulge their status, lie about it, etc. Many people do not tell because their fear of rejection (while I understand the fear of rejection, it doesn't make it ok NOT to tell.) or for various other reasons. But bottom line is, those of us with hsv MUST be honest with our partners.

I TOTALLY understand you being freaked out, absolutely. I STILL freak out about it, and I HAVE it! But rather than run screaming, you are educating yourself and giving this man a fair chance...who knows, he might turn out to be "the one" and herpes will just be an annoyance you both have to deal with from time to time.

And it IS such a relief to be able to tell someone and have them love and accept you despite having herpes. Makes you stronger I think. Just the relief in telling another caring human being is helpful. I go to my man (who doesn't have herpes) and vent and cry and rage to him....he hears me out...and then I am done. I feel better! hahaha! So I am sure he feels good that he has told you...baby steps mylady, baby steps!

I found this link for you, about partners to those who have herpes. I hope it helps. Asymptomatic shedding is a tough one. Nobody knows for sure WHEN they are shedding....so yes, you CAN get herpes at any time. But honestly, I think most people who are prone to outbreaks, know the signs of when an outbreak might be coming, thus, can say yay or nay to sex beforehand, so you do not catch it. I think transmission from people who are asymptomatic is much rarer than we all believe it to be. Unless he was asymtomatic ALL the time, then I would worry. But since he DOES have outbreaks occasionally, chances are he would know the "prodomme" symptoms and know when to steer clear of sex.

I could be totally wrong, but I would imagine even MORE people would have herpes if so many were asymptomatic, ya know? I would still practice safe and use condoms, no matter what.

anyhoo, I have yapped long enough...here is that link.I hope it helps.

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/partners_and_herpes.htm

[startingover]

Thanks for the link, but it would appear I may have been optimistic about a relationship with this man. He announced to me tonight that he has been much too distracted from his work lately and that he must focus on his job or risk losing it so he won't have time to put into a relationship. He was very abrupt and said all this via instant messaging. Yeah, I am thinking he is running so I told him that I understood his need to do what he had to do and that I had enjoyed getting to know him and hope we can continue to be friends. I am naturally disappointed but I plan to wait him out and see if I hear from him again. I know better than to push. We'll see.

Thanks again,