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Confused about a couple things...


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First off this is a great site, I came here because I met a girl who has H II. This girl is great, beautiful, intelligent, independent, fun all that stuff. But the only problem is she let me go down on her before telling me. She's only had one small outbreak (one pimple thingy she says) in Dec which is how she found out. Anyways, I'm just concerned about my health, I don't want to get this, but she's pretty much everything I've been looking for.

So my question is: everyone says they know if they have it by getting blood tested but my doctor (and some other research I've done) say that just a bloodtest is not conclusive as you can be a false negative or false positive. If that's the case how do I know if I have it already? Or if I've gotten it? I've just been tested and am waiting for results. I've been told the only way to really know is a culture and a blood test.

I hear stories of mixed couples with the other never getting it, but there's always the chance, and sure her outbreak might have been tiny but if I got it mine could be really bad...there's no way to tell. God this sucks, I'm having a hard time getting past this and see her for who she really is, but truth be told...I'm scared.

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Deciding whether to continue

That's a tough thing to decide. I've been on both sides. I decided to continue with an HSVII partner, and eventually got it. The relationship didn't last, but I don't regret the relationship. I decided to continue dating a guy with herpes because he was really great and this was only a really small part of him. Now, I know it is really a small part of me.

Not to put a "whatever" attitude out there and somehow suggest it is okay to pass this around, this is so COMMON that at least knowing is better than the not knowing. I had no idea about herpes until the last TWO people I dated had it. My experience is that myself and other people who have it are more informed and have actually had tests for things, not just this false reassurance that because you haven't had any symptoms and your regular yearly blood tests (which aren't specific STD tests) are fine, you do not have anything.

As with any relationship, you are going to have to take a leap of faith. You just need to protect yourself and have safe sex, and/or focus on the non-sexual parts of your relationship until you are ready. And, you have to live with it if you get it and it doesn't work out. I recently had a guy I was dating back off and move into only friends mode after I told him about my status (it really hurt my feelings and this is definintely an inconvenience to my life, though it has made me more responsible).

As far as the blood test, I have never heard about false negatives/positives. I've had several blood tests before I eventually contracted it. I didn't have a positive test until I had symptoms and they did the culture.

Best of luck to you whatever way you decide!

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Well, I got Herpes 2 in March - confirmed by a culture. When I had blood tests done in MAy, it came back negative for Herpes 2. My doc said it takes our bodies awhile to have enough ? in the bloodstream for it to come back positive. So, to answer your question. Yes we can have Herpes and blood test negative for it.

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Guest dangermouse

Welcome to the real world. Unfortunately, it has herpes in it!

I dated a woman with recurrent HSV II for 18 months and did not contract anything. You should ask her to consider taking suppressive therapy, use condoms, and avoid sex during outbreaks. Of course, you're right, that's no guarantee you won't get it, but it's a start and at least if the "worst" happens you won't have the added strain of blaming yourself for not taking sensible precautions. (Maybe the "worst" though is giving up on a woman like this - hell, if you don't want her, send her my address!)

In the end, though, if you are going to be freaked out and there is a risk that that will translate into negative treatment of this woman, you will perhaps do her more harm by staying with her. That's not a get out of jail free card though - you have the ability to manage how you react to this situation.

Good luck.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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