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Newly diagnosed- New relationship


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Hi everyone,

Just signed up here. I was just diagnosed with herpes 2 weeks ago. I thought it would be a good idea for myself and my boyfriend of 3 months to get tested before we 'did' anything. I have it, he doesn't. Both of our doctor's act like it's no big deal...just use a condom. I'm usually a very confident 42 y/o female, but I've suddenly become insecure. I'm afraid he'll leave me because of this. He doesn't know what to do. We seem perfectly matched. Now we have this obstacle. What do you do when one has it and the other doesn't? We've been just using our hands but I don't think we can continue this way. Last night things were getting really heated and I just burst into tears because I knew we couldn't make love. Someone please tell us what to do. If we stay together as a couple, is he destined to get this?


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you know, it is hard to say whether or not your BF will get this....there are many couples (like myself) where one has it the other doesn't, and it remains that way for the duration of the relationship.

Then there are the others who DO finally end up getting it. I think that probably in these cases, people get lax on prevention and safe sex. Some people are in long term, monogamous relationships anyways and so it is not that big of an issue for them. But, I have tried to always practice safe with my man and so far he is good. And we DID have unprotected sex in the past, because we were trying to get pregnant, and he still didn't catch it, so..... :D

It is just hard to say. Practice safe sex. Abstain during outbreaks or signs that an outbreak is on the way. Clean up good afterwards. (HSV HATES SOAP!) that is all you can do. use your best judgement and basic common sense.

Good luck to you, I hope it all works out well.

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Thanks so much for your reply.

It's sort of ironic...My b/f is a man I had only talked to online a couple of years ago. We had never met until recently. When we talked before, I was so 'drawn' to him. I had only seen photo's, but would just stare into his eyes. There was something there. We never met and I swore off from dating. I just poured myself into my work. Then, the end of March he emailed. We began talking again and finally met a couple weeks later. It was instant attraction. We can spend hours talking. It's unlike anything I have ever experienced and I'm 42! My plan of staying away from men is the furthest thing from my mind. I have fallen in love with him. He has been wonderful and is trying to let this 'issue' sink in. He is going to be gone for 3 weeks in August on a trip. We have decided not to have intercourse until he returns. We waited 3 months before deciding we wanted to make love. Then waited another week for test results. Now that we have the results, we're afraid to do it. I wish I had known about this a long time ago because with me just finding out I have it, I am dealing with the initial shock of it and I am not my normal confident self. I think he tries to reassure me in a subtle way. Every time he comes over, he leaves something of his here. I believe it is his way of letting me know I shouldn't worry- he is coming back.

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