Finally seeking a forum...

[dob0311]

Hey guys,

I'm another newbie. I discovered I had this in Dec 04, after the guy I was dating (who had chronic cold sores) transmitted HSV1 to me and I had an outbreak in the middle of finals... Stress, yes.

Since then, I have managed to keep them away until this past February, when a morning after pill triggered another one. And now, when I'm under an enormous amount of stress and I just had my TOENAIL REMOVED, I got another one. Roughly five months later.

Anyway, I've been extremely self-conscious about this, and my doctor suggested I find an online forum in which to discuss this... So here I am. I have been dating a guy seriously for the five months since the last OB, and I told him in the second month, and we JUST started having sex. *sigh* Now this. Forgive me if I'm a little downtrodden, I know that my situation has been experienced by more than one person, and that's why I'm here.

So I am very eager to speak with all of you. Thank you in advance.

D

[Guest dangermouse]

Your new boyfriend sounds like an understanding guy. Can you tell us about how he dealt with your disclosure?

[dob0311]

"the disclosure"

I'll be honest, it was hard. We were starting to get serious, and I knew that it would very entirely unwise to wait until AFTER the pants were coming off to mention it, you know?

I had to get a bit drunk (sorry, it was my first time telling someone) and go to his house, and I basically sat down, said, "I have to tell you something, because it's something I have to deal with, but you don't have to," knowing full well that if he chose not to "deal" with it, I'd be crushed.

I basically set out the facts about genital herpes, that I have mild and infrequent outbreaks, but the chances are always there for him to contract it, and that I am on suppression therapy because I want to minimize the risks for him as well as the frequency of my own outbreaks. I emphasized that stress induces them for me, and that any change in my own body chemistry, well, brings out the worst (i.e. changing birth control, random new meds that freak out my system... needless to say, I hate taking medicine, and keep it to birth control and valtrex only.)

Ah, did I mention that this is a guy who was a virgin? Yeah, this was not easy, and I didn't know the fact at the time. <large>

I also emphasized that I go to the doctor regularly, that I test for STDs all of the time, and that, save for the Herpes, I am a normal, healthy young woman who had a boyfriend with chronic fever blisters and I didn't take the necessary precautions in oral sex with him. We agreed to keep intimacy between ourselves only, but he held off going downstairs for a looooong time. Intercourse came only after we began to get REALLY serious, because quite frankly, we both had hangups about various things. Mine were from coming off of a rather long bout of asshole boyfriends, his were of course the Herpes and then some personal issues that always prevented him from having sex.

But, he knows that I take care of my business, the risks involved, and not to sound smug, the mutual respect we have keeps us laid back about it. Not to the point of carelessness, but in terms of attitude. I directed him to several websites about it, and I inundated him with statistics and the fact that lots of people have it, but lots of people don't realize it, and he himself realized what was the deal.

Bottom line? Have your facts straight, your heart in the right place, and respect that the other person may not want to move on in the direction that you wish to. You have to be understanding, but you also have to have your data ready!

That's about it. But I still am a little disappointed in myself for not being more careful, and ending up with the condition. That's my own personal issue that I am working through, as well as the reason that I joined this forum.

[anie]

dob - - Thank you for your encouraginag Telling Story. I always find comfort in reading them, as I feel we all dread having to tell even though we do. Welcome to our little piece of the internet.