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I had a long sexual past before marrying at 27 and divorcing at 35. Had one child, but no sign of any disease. More sexual contact before my next husband, again had one child and no sign of any disease. I now go into a dry spell of about 10 years. Yes, I had sexual contact, but nothing like the period of 15 to 35. From age 35 to 45, I had no sexual partners other than a few randoms. At around 44, I began to feel the need to find a permanent lover and life partner, so I became celibate for one year and prayed for the right man to enter my life. And remarkably, I was introduced to someone and we both sort of fell into love and married pretty quickly. We are still together 7 years later, but not without some ups and downs. We had to learn who each other were after such a short courtship. But, we are in it for the long haul, I do believe. Here is the down side.

We married in late winter, and by early spring, I was experiencing some terrible pains in the genital area and he took me to the emergency room and they hooked me up to fluids and administered antibiotics. They called it a urinary tract infection. I stayed about 8 hours and was released. We moved out of state and I had another terrible episode and again back to the emergency room. This time the doctor said with no minced words, you have herpes. Just like that, the first time I had heard anybody say it. So within a year of getting remarried, I had discovered that I had Genital Herpes I, after they they did their testing. Apparently Herpes I is more likely on the lips, but not necessarily. What made this whole thing all the more troubling, is that I am now in full blown menopause with the vaginal drying and lack of sex drive. You couple that with Herpes and it really was starting to wear down on the marriage.

I thought for sure that he gave it to me, and not that it matters, but he was married to the same woman for 25 years and had no outside affairs until we met. I know you are thinking yea right. But statistics don't lie, and I was married a total of 11 years between the ages of 15 and 45 to his 25 years, and I fooled around the times in between marriages, so it really comes down to it was more than likely on my end. I have had WAY more partners than he ever has. He is that old fashioned type that always gets hooked up for a long period of time. I had serial relationships one after another.

It has been 6 years since I've had it and after the first two trips to the ER, I've been able to manage the situation until now. I have no idea what is going on but I am back to not ER levels or anything, but I have some severe blisters that preclude any kind of sexual contact. It has been leading up to this point for awhile. We have not had sex in over a month or two.

I am getting severely depressed about this and luckily, he is traveling on an extended business trip so I can nurse my wounds privately. I do not see how people can keep a marriage through this. It is not fair to the clean partner. I guess he's clean, he has no symptoms.

I made it all the way to 45 without knowing I had it and had no symptoms and it has been pure hell since I found out. I just want to stay in my room and everybody leave me alone. Go on about your life, I want to die. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but this is really terrible to have.

I am now at the point of having to watch what I eat. Everything on the high arginine list are foods that I love. I will admit, I don't take care of myself and this disease very well.

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Guest AlUrker

Two words here... GET TESTED.

(Both of you, for both types.) Just because he's not exhibiting symptoms does not mean he's "clean". My giver claimed I was her third partner in 30 years and my sexual history looked more like yours... and she still claims to not have symptoms. You say the "doctor said" but you don't reveal if that was a visual diagnosis, which is notoriously unreliable, or backed up by something more substantial. It doesn't matter so much where it came from or who gave it to who but it does matter that both of you understand your status. If you're both already positive then the h shouldn't even be a factor, dealing with the menopause and other things marriage brings will be harder. ;)

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