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liveloveandprosper

How/When did you find out?

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liveloveandprosper

I'm a 22 year old female who found out through what has to be the crappiest luck I've heard of. I'd never had an outbreak for GH, or even a cold sore for that matter. And lo and behold I give it to my new squeeze. Which was how I found out.

Really though, it could be either of us. After our previous relationships ended we were both tested for everything and everything came back negative. I just feel like I am at fault because my ex cheated on me. I've never shown symptoms, even though I test positive for the antibodies.

I'm trying really hard every day not to blame myself. I know that had I known I wouldn't have had sex with this guy most likely. And if I did he would have known the risk he was taking beforehand.

Right now I'm giving him space for the sake of our friendship. I know I'm carrying around a whole bag full of crazy right now because this is all fairly recent - like 2 months recent. I think that's the right thing to do. Any suggestions on that?

And I really just want to know what is the norm for people finding this kind of thing out. I'm pretty positive they're not as umm... insane as this has been.

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Bright Side

The guy I was dating claims he didn't know (I really don't know if I believe him). When he gave it to me I was completely blindsided.

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CourageousInDarkness

I've talked to both of my partners, and both claim to have been recently tested and clean, and "i've been the only partner". I doubt i'll ever found out who gave it to me, but I think it's better. If there was someone to point a finger at, I would point it with anger, which would in turn just breed more anger, and take me down a dark road I have no need to go down. The past is the past, and I can't change it, so I choose to focus on the future, where I can decide what happens. I can choose my outlook, and I'm staying positive :)

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blueaquarius

I found out through the excruciating pain of the first outbreak, and I know exactly where i got it from, cause the guy refuses to return my calls, or text, cause he knows I was so P*** off with him.

I assume he knows he had it, given his totally avoidant behaviour is not normal for any guy (Ditched his Sim card, got a new number, and his name and story didn't match up)

Stupid me in the end! Should never have gone there, looking back i think i should have seen the signs he was a bit dodgy (despite the fact he was clean, well mannered, and smoking hot)

I would hate to give this to anybody, and take all the precautions under the sun, when engaging in any sexual contact. But as to finding somebody who will have a long term with me yet....... will happen one day. The biggest lesson i have learnt from this, is not to let it get me down. Just think positive and keep taking one day at a time.

good luck!

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hopelessbuthopeful

It's weird. I've had it for about a week and a half and don't know who I got it from... a bit concerned about it, but don't know. I had been tested for STDs about a year ago, after having a yeast infection... and thinking it was an STD bc I had a new partner whom I was not using protections with. Well that came back all negative (I have no idea if they screened for herpes however). But now, when just diagnosed I have had my first outbreak definitely. BUT I'm still unsure, I know the virus can lay dormant but doesn't the first outbreak happen just after exposure. Anyway, it's slightly plaguing me but all of my previous partners have been longterm, honest relationships with friends so I doubt they know they have it either.

Should I track down my first test results and see if they tested for herpes?

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liveloveandprosper

I keep stopping myself anytime I start to think "why me?" or "who did this?" and remind myself I live in today, and I have to keep taking steps forward. Having someone to blame isn't going to change things, so why worry about it? It's just energy that can be spent working on the important things in life - like school, spending time with friends, and perfecting the best chocolate cake ever. Really I haven't changed, and that's the important thing. I still have my life, and hot damn, I'm gonna live it!

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Butterfly of the Moment

Wow. I love some of the perspectives on here. Positively realistic. I got this when I was 23. I was on a break with my boyfriend of 2 years...met a guy and had sex. A week later started experiencing symptoms typical of herpes. Came time to tell my boyfriend what happened. He was devastated not because of the herpes, but because I had sex with someone else (even though we weren't together at the time). He said that something like herpes would not stop him from wanting to be with me because he loved me. That was that and here we are still together nearly 3 years later. Oh, and the guy that gave me this gift...I sent him a message urging him to get tested. He called me a year later at 3 am asking if I hated him...I said I don't hate anyone and said goodbye. Some people understand life and have dealt with shit that pales in comparison to a common virus. I'm one of them. I am starting to become the woman I have always wanted to be. I never enjoyed being hit on when I was first diagnosed but now I don't mind so much because I honestly have so much to offer and I can't wrap my head around why this virus is such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I understand some people's immune systems makes outbreaks terrible. This virus has a big stigma that really sucks. But the more educated and compassionate KIND people you hang out with, the less you will have to deal with ignorant comments and reactions. I am more attractive and more confident now than I was before I had this stupid virus. It's all in the Attitude. If my relationship ever ended, I would still put myself out there and date. It would be hard, but it's harder to believe I'm not worth it you know what I mean?

Check out this link for perspective and facts: http://www.hsvblog.org/herpes-simplex-virus-hsv-101/

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Emma88

i found out a week ago that i have HSV 1 , and i'm going through a difficult time, I'm blaming myself for what is happening to me, and asking myself that question "why me ". I just hope that things will get better for me in the future. I'm 23 and i have a life ahead of me, and i will not let herpes define who i am. !

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WeepingWillow

I'm a 25 year old female, who graduates in a month from college. I found out Monday I have HSV and I know who gave it to me. I have always been real safe about my sexual partners and activity. I have been in a relationship with the guy who gave it to me since late July. A few weeks ago was the first time we ever did anything sexual. We had the talk for hours discussing if he was tested for everything. I even told him that HSV and a few other things weren't on the STD test, he would have to ask to be tested for everything. He assured me he was tested and all his results said negative. I was tested and had my papers that stated I was negative for everything. I even get tested for HIV, because I know you can never be too careful. After we had sex he acted as though he was worried he might catch something from me. I pulled out my paper that showed I was negative for everything and told him I was negative, was he sure he was. He assured me everything was fine. I just felt like he acted strange, then he was very standoffish after everything. I decided to go to my doctor and get checked. Well Monday I found out he gave it to me. I'm still p****d and not sure if I will stop feeling that way for awhile. I called him about the results, the first time I called and told him he gave me herpes he hung up on me. The second time he told me he didn't understand why I was so upset. I'm pretty sure he knew he had it and just didn't care. I don't know if it's just because I got the results yesterday but I don't see myself feeling OK with any of this. I'm mad about it, I haven't cried at all over this I just get more mad about it. How have some of you been able to cope with this?

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chooseyourbattles

I was 21 and studying in a different city for the summer. All I wanted from anyone was casual sex. Some kid told me to get an HSV test, and having no foresight, I did.

I'm more charming than I used to be because of it. I have to be in order to get anyone to have sex with me. A lot of people do, and I know it has to be because of my personality. (I'm attractive, but I'm rarely the most attractive person around.)

I'm 24 now though, and relationships are more important to me. That makes having herpes a whole lot easier.

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  • Posts

    • Quest
      They did a hole punch as a swab for me, requested a PCR and it was not done. And they don't swab with cotton my other was swabbed with a rough surface to pick up skin. 
    • 35hope
      that was for the latent virus
    • normakiut
      Well, if I were you I would totally tell him. It is important that he knows what he has and gets tested, that way he can be more careful in the future and avoid transmission to other partners. It's true that you can't stay mad at him forever and I thinks it's very mature from you to put the cards on the table, it's the right thing to do.  You don't have to accuse him, you just have to hit him with the facts, I think handing him your test results is a good idea, that way you can see how he reacts, maybe he knew he had it, maybe he didn't. When you dated a few months ago did you guys use protection?  I got it from someone who knew he had it but "thought" nothing would happen to me because he was asymptomatic at that moment.  Best of luck!
    • Atrapasueños
      @Cas9 In vivo inactivation of latent HSV by endonuclease-mediated mutagenesis
    • WilsoInAus
      No, genital HSV-1 transmission from genital sex to an uninfected person does happen, it is rare in its own degree. It happens to about 1% of couples in the discordant situation described each year. If your partner suggests he didn't know he had genital HSV-1, then I'd suggest he told a porkie pie! This compares to the 0.0001% or lower annual chance of reinfection! So no, there is no need to feel sad at all. You also seem to make out that having HSV-1 is some form of death sentence. It is usually the opposite. The cohort of people with HSV-1 are as healthy if not more so than those without HSV-1 and have similar or less morbidity (aggregate symptoms, pains etc.) than those without HSV-1. There is nothing impaired about a person having genital HSV-1. No shame, concerns, health deficiencies etc.  No fate but what we make! Choose a good fate!
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