Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
liveloveandprosper

How/When did you find out?

Recommended Posts

liveloveandprosper

I'm a 22 year old female who found out through what has to be the crappiest luck I've heard of. I'd never had an outbreak for GH, or even a cold sore for that matter. And lo and behold I give it to my new squeeze. Which was how I found out.

Really though, it could be either of us. After our previous relationships ended we were both tested for everything and everything came back negative. I just feel like I am at fault because my ex cheated on me. I've never shown symptoms, even though I test positive for the antibodies.

I'm trying really hard every day not to blame myself. I know that had I known I wouldn't have had sex with this guy most likely. And if I did he would have known the risk he was taking beforehand.

Right now I'm giving him space for the sake of our friendship. I know I'm carrying around a whole bag full of crazy right now because this is all fairly recent - like 2 months recent. I think that's the right thing to do. Any suggestions on that?

And I really just want to know what is the norm for people finding this kind of thing out. I'm pretty positive they're not as umm... insane as this has been.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Bright Side

The guy I was dating claims he didn't know (I really don't know if I believe him). When he gave it to me I was completely blindsided.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CourageousInDarkness

I've talked to both of my partners, and both claim to have been recently tested and clean, and "i've been the only partner". I doubt i'll ever found out who gave it to me, but I think it's better. If there was someone to point a finger at, I would point it with anger, which would in turn just breed more anger, and take me down a dark road I have no need to go down. The past is the past, and I can't change it, so I choose to focus on the future, where I can decide what happens. I can choose my outlook, and I'm staying positive :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
blueaquarius

I found out through the excruciating pain of the first outbreak, and I know exactly where i got it from, cause the guy refuses to return my calls, or text, cause he knows I was so P*** off with him.

I assume he knows he had it, given his totally avoidant behaviour is not normal for any guy (Ditched his Sim card, got a new number, and his name and story didn't match up)

Stupid me in the end! Should never have gone there, looking back i think i should have seen the signs he was a bit dodgy (despite the fact he was clean, well mannered, and smoking hot)

I would hate to give this to anybody, and take all the precautions under the sun, when engaging in any sexual contact. But as to finding somebody who will have a long term with me yet....... will happen one day. The biggest lesson i have learnt from this, is not to let it get me down. Just think positive and keep taking one day at a time.

good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
hopelessbuthopeful

It's weird. I've had it for about a week and a half and don't know who I got it from... a bit concerned about it, but don't know. I had been tested for STDs about a year ago, after having a yeast infection... and thinking it was an STD bc I had a new partner whom I was not using protections with. Well that came back all negative (I have no idea if they screened for herpes however). But now, when just diagnosed I have had my first outbreak definitely. BUT I'm still unsure, I know the virus can lay dormant but doesn't the first outbreak happen just after exposure. Anyway, it's slightly plaguing me but all of my previous partners have been longterm, honest relationships with friends so I doubt they know they have it either.

Should I track down my first test results and see if they tested for herpes?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
liveloveandprosper

I keep stopping myself anytime I start to think "why me?" or "who did this?" and remind myself I live in today, and I have to keep taking steps forward. Having someone to blame isn't going to change things, so why worry about it? It's just energy that can be spent working on the important things in life - like school, spending time with friends, and perfecting the best chocolate cake ever. Really I haven't changed, and that's the important thing. I still have my life, and hot damn, I'm gonna live it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Butterfly of the Moment

Wow. I love some of the perspectives on here. Positively realistic. I got this when I was 23. I was on a break with my boyfriend of 2 years...met a guy and had sex. A week later started experiencing symptoms typical of herpes. Came time to tell my boyfriend what happened. He was devastated not because of the herpes, but because I had sex with someone else (even though we weren't together at the time). He said that something like herpes would not stop him from wanting to be with me because he loved me. That was that and here we are still together nearly 3 years later. Oh, and the guy that gave me this gift...I sent him a message urging him to get tested. He called me a year later at 3 am asking if I hated him...I said I don't hate anyone and said goodbye. Some people understand life and have dealt with shit that pales in comparison to a common virus. I'm one of them. I am starting to become the woman I have always wanted to be. I never enjoyed being hit on when I was first diagnosed but now I don't mind so much because I honestly have so much to offer and I can't wrap my head around why this virus is such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I understand some people's immune systems makes outbreaks terrible. This virus has a big stigma that really sucks. But the more educated and compassionate KIND people you hang out with, the less you will have to deal with ignorant comments and reactions. I am more attractive and more confident now than I was before I had this stupid virus. It's all in the Attitude. If my relationship ever ended, I would still put myself out there and date. It would be hard, but it's harder to believe I'm not worth it you know what I mean?

Check out this link for perspective and facts: http://www.hsvblog.org/herpes-simplex-virus-hsv-101/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Emma88

i found out a week ago that i have HSV 1 , and i'm going through a difficult time, I'm blaming myself for what is happening to me, and asking myself that question "why me ". I just hope that things will get better for me in the future. I'm 23 and i have a life ahead of me, and i will not let herpes define who i am. !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WeepingWillow

I'm a 25 year old female, who graduates in a month from college. I found out Monday I have HSV and I know who gave it to me. I have always been real safe about my sexual partners and activity. I have been in a relationship with the guy who gave it to me since late July. A few weeks ago was the first time we ever did anything sexual. We had the talk for hours discussing if he was tested for everything. I even told him that HSV and a few other things weren't on the STD test, he would have to ask to be tested for everything. He assured me he was tested and all his results said negative. I was tested and had my papers that stated I was negative for everything. I even get tested for HIV, because I know you can never be too careful. After we had sex he acted as though he was worried he might catch something from me. I pulled out my paper that showed I was negative for everything and told him I was negative, was he sure he was. He assured me everything was fine. I just felt like he acted strange, then he was very standoffish after everything. I decided to go to my doctor and get checked. Well Monday I found out he gave it to me. I'm still p****d and not sure if I will stop feeling that way for awhile. I called him about the results, the first time I called and told him he gave me herpes he hung up on me. The second time he told me he didn't understand why I was so upset. I'm pretty sure he knew he had it and just didn't care. I don't know if it's just because I got the results yesterday but I don't see myself feeling OK with any of this. I'm mad about it, I haven't cried at all over this I just get more mad about it. How have some of you been able to cope with this?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
chooseyourbattles

I was 21 and studying in a different city for the summer. All I wanted from anyone was casual sex. Some kid told me to get an HSV test, and having no foresight, I did.

I'm more charming than I used to be because of it. I have to be in order to get anyone to have sex with me. A lot of people do, and I know it has to be because of my personality. (I'm attractive, but I'm rarely the most attractive person around.)

I'm 24 now though, and relationships are more important to me. That makes having herpes a whole lot easier.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      67,431
    • Total Posts
      448,726
  • Posts

    • Jane79
      This is my first post. I need an honest unbiased perspective on this situation concerning my current partner. I was diagnosed with herpes during a marriage in which I was faithful but he was not. It was about 7 or 8 years in that I found out about the infidelity and got tested for everything. I was + for herpes. The doctor told me there was no way to tell just how long I'd had it. To this day I dont understand why but after the doctor confirmed the diagnosis it seemed like the outbreaks got worse. I eventually went on medication. The cheating husband told me he didnt have that sh#! And treated me as if I somehow got it someother way. He eventually left me. At the age of 32 I got involved with a man several years younger than me. He showed me hiv negative status papers on our first date. I told him that I didnt have Hiv either. We later had unprotected sex several times. I did mention but did not insist on protection. I neglected to tell him about the herpes. As embarrassing as this is to admit; I didnt see a future with him, didnt really know him, and was pretty much rebounding from a 10 year long terrible marriage.  Afew weeks into it as things seemed to be getting more serious I fearfully told him that I have herpes. He was a little concerned but said it didnt matter. He wanted to pursue the relationship. Afew weeks after that he got an outbreak. We went to the doctor. He tested positive for it. He was angry with me. He was furious and to this day he feels betrayed. It's been 7 years now that I have been with him. Seven hard years. He is controlling, and abusive. He claims that he loves me- I feel that he really doesn't because of the abuse. He has honestly hurt me in some of the worst ways imaginable but everytime I try to leave or express how hurt I am he brings up "the herpes". I have apologized to him several times but it seems like no amount of apologizing will do. He says that I never "really" apologized. He says this because I have told him that I shouldn't have had sex with him period. That i regret having gotten involved with him not just because of the herpes but because of the way my life has gone down hill in many ways since he moved in. He wants sex all the time. Nearly every morning and night and it can lasts for hours. And there is no saying no. It has been this way through out the relationship. Before and after the herpes became an issue. He goes down on me even when I tell him not to- even when I tell him that I have an outbreak. He says it doesnt matter. That i shouldnt care about that since we already both have it. Its like at times it doesnt matter but at times he hates me for it. He even told my 12 year old daughter that I gave it to him once when I'd tried to end the relationship. I am sorry that he contracted this from me. Terribly sorry. My question is what am I supposed to do now. I am so confused. I have gone through so much with this person. Should herpes even be a factor in such an abusive situation? I honestly dont know how to handle this situation. He's here now. I have to go. Someone please give me some input. Thank you. 
    • Honey22
      I was just diagnosed yesterday. I’m 27 years old & as soon as I told my boyfriend he said we need a “break” which I know means he blames me & we are done. I feel completely alone and not at all optimistic about future relationships. So I understand how your feeling. 
    • Sadhiker
      Hi Lillian, I just tried sending you a pm but it didn't work out  
    • Honey22
      I just got my non official diagnosis yesterday & I completely understand where your coming from with the suicidal thoughts. I do think this disease is going to ruin a lot for me. If it wasn’t for my son I think I would be worse then I am. All I can do is cry but I know my son needs me to get through this & live as normally as I can. I’m sure u also have people who need u
    • doh!
      According to the National Institutes of Health in the USA, about 90 percent of adults have been exposed to the virus by age 50. If I recall correctly, around 80% have no symptoms. According to World Health Organisation  about 67 percent of the global population are infected with HSV1. More stats: About one out of five people in the United States has genital herpes. That’s more than 50 million people in the United States who have genital herpes. 85% of people with genital herpes don’t know they have it. So... is God mad at you, or is it just part of being alive on this planet? Life is a test.
      And you have it to deal with. So? So many people have much more trying tests. 
      It's not your circumstances that define you, it's your attitude to them. Think of people in concentration camps who found joy and looked to God. My God is one of love. Enough love to let me, to corrupt a book title, slouch towards Bethlehem. If I fall but pick myself up, that's what counts. If I wallow or wither, that brings to mind the story of sowing seeds in Matthew 13. There two forces in the universe. One is Love, the other Fear. Which do you choose to work with? Embarrassment is fear, self-loathing is fear. Just don't be an ass...
×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.