Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
graceandgrowth

Diagnosed with my biggest fear...

Recommended Posts

graceandgrowth

I spent my entire life fearful of contracting a disease, most fearful of herpes. I would even get grossed out when I saw people with cold sores, including my friends. It's a stigma in our society and I was one who thought only 'dirty' or 'careless' people got genital herpes. Now I am included in that group and my thoughts change everyday. I am extremely confused, not sure how I got it, scared about my future.

Here's the story and I would appreciate anyone's help. Around six months ago (that was around the time when I became sexual with my last boyfriend), there was a time when I had what seemed like an itchy ingrown hair near the crease in my inner thigh. I asked the man I was dating and head over heels for, if he could look at it and tell me what he thought it was, since I was so freaked out over it. He is in the medical field and said, "Looks like an ingrown hair." I had a horrible headache the entire time it was there. A second time a few months ago, same place, same thing and I asked my waxer if she knew what it was. Same answer, "Ingrown hair, don't worry, I'll fix it," and I felt better. Two weeks ago, for a third time, sore throat-headache and the bump is back, but now there are two and they look more like tiny lesions than JUST an ingrown hair. Mind you, my boyfriend and I broke up a month prior to this happening. We were still talking almost daily, but I wouldn't take him back until he made some changes in his life. I was trying to deal with the sadness of that because I found he had been lying to me about seeing other people and I had unprotected sex with him. I know, STUPID. Since becoming sexually active at 21, I was always careful. But, in the last couple of years, there have been a couple of relationships where I wasn't. I don't know if I just got careless. I don't know if it was because I thought it wouldn't happen to me. I don't know.

I was looking up herpes pictures, trying to figure out why after five days, this thing was killing me and wouldn't go away. It was way worse than the first two times and I can't understand why it says the first time is the worst???

I made an appt. with my doctor, she took a sample and said she would let me know as soon as the results came back. I asked her what she honestly thought and she said, "Yes, it probably is herpes." I couldn't stop crying. I always thought herpes would be a big outbreak of blisters, she explained that it is common and often overlooked because people think this same thing. I left feeling devastated. I called my recent ex immediately and told him to meet me and that we needed to talk. He, of course, rushed over thinking I was going to take him back. I cut straight to the chase and started with, "Do you remember that little bump I had?" After I told him, he acted horrified that he must have given it to me, but that he couldn't understand how, because he never had any lesions. It got me thinking, "Did I have one of these bumps in the last year before I met him and just didn't notice it and maybe could have given it to him????"

I know after his separation a year ago, he was out dating a lot before we met (YES, I was dating a separated man, I already said I made some horrible decisions this past year, and all because I was head over heels for this guy and thought this was THE ONE) so I assumed since this recently happened, he MUST have given it to me. I told him to go get tested ASAP. He said he would and is still trying to get back together with me.

To make things worse, two weeks before this diagnosis, I was set up by a friend with a great guy, I have been out with four times now. He told me last night that he has never been so happy and thinks about me all the time. I wanted to cry because now I know I can never have a sexual relationship with this guy without telling him. I am horrified. He has all of the great qualities I was looking for in a guy, he's a gentleman, ready to settle down and have kids and isn't afraid to say it, he calls when he says he'll call, does what he says he will and now I can't enjoy this because I feel damaged. I am afraid if I tell him, he'll freak out and then go back and tell my friends. It makes me want to just stay single forever and have a child on my own so I don't ever have to tell anyone. I feel so alone because the only person I can talk about this with is possibly the one who gave it to me and he has betrayed me to the point that talking to him breaks my heart.

My doctor started me on daily Valtrex. I am still confused whether this means I will still get outbreaks or not. I am researching as much as I can, but have a high-stress job and am having a hard time not being consumed with this. I feel like my dating life is over. I am so afraid that even if I tell this new guy and he isn't freaked out, I could possibly give it to him, even with protection and suppressive therapy. I am still not sure if I want to proceed for the fear of him telling someone. He knows many people I know.

Anyway, I am thankful for finding this site. I believe it will get better, I just need to find a way to reduce the stress already in my life. I need to find a way to forgive myself if I got this in the last year and possibly GAVE it to my recent ex, instead of me thinking the other way around. I just can't remember for the life of me if that first bump was right after we were together, or did I possibly have something before I met him and just didn't know it???? Has anyone else struggled with this not knowing because the symptoms were so mild?????

Thank you for reading and again, any positive feedback is welcome. I will be reading up on other threads on this site to hopefully answer some of these questions. Just feels a little better telling this story since I have no one to tell it to.:(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
shanana

Hey you!

stay strong... no one asked for this, and if the guy you're with really appreciates you for you, equip him with the knowledge he needs and you can go on from there. whats meant to be, will be.

it really sucks, but did you know that 80-90% of people living with genital herpes don't know they have it? who knows... maybe this will encourage him to get tested. virtually everyone around you carries the virus.

i wish you the best of luck! keep your immune system and self esteem up! you are the same person you were before your diagnosis.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      67,972
    • Total Posts
      453,236
  • Posts

    • Godcanhealme
      @cas9 actually I think it’s you who doesn’t understand proof, proof by nature is subjective, so what is proof to me might not be proof to you... I have seen many cases where people have nothing to gain sharing their stories about herpes, and healing themselves, now if you continually search for this you’ll find it in comment threads or perhaps blogs.... perhaps they are lying? Well...Maybe some, but to think everyone who has claimed to heal themselves of herpes is a liar is simply a belief...  if you wanna believe that, go ahead, but after careful  analysis of many stories and researching the virus myself I am convinced the body can rid itself of herpes, what comes in, can come out, it just takes time and effort... But I like to keep it simple, God can heal anything so at this point you guys are just speaking nonsense  
    • Wanteducated
      So my 20 year old daughter and I just found out she has genital herpes.  She is away at college and dealing with it on her own.  I am trying to be as supportive as I can by reading everything I can find from reputable sites.  She is staying busy this week with as she is involved with her schools freshman orientation for the new class coming in.  She was told by an urgent care doctor that she had it Visually, they did a blood test and called her to confirm it is herpes.  I told her to ask what type and she was told they don’t really type anymore because there is to much gray area but that it is a new infection. From what I have read that seems odd and she should find out what type.  I told her to inform anyone she may have had sex with in the last 6 months, she said she told the guy and he was an ass about it which of course makes the emotional side worse.  She is emotionally a wreck about it and I am trying to help her understand it’s not the end of the world.  Of course being 20 she feels she will not have the chance to meet anyone who would want to date her now. Any advice would be great....she is still in the middle of her first outbreak but I think the antiviral has been helping since she went to the doc as soon as she thought something wasn’t right.  I just want to help her as best I can!
    • BuggedOut
      Sorry for the long post. Just giving some backstory..... Hello. I'm new to this site. I was told I had HSV2 about 5 years ago. I had no clue because I never had any symptoms. I was just getting some blood work done while pregnant after switching to a new ob/gyn and this was discovered. Pregnancy was ended for personal reasons. Still afterwards never had any outbreaks or symptoms or anything. Fast forward to June I started feeling irritated down there. I was dealing with a lot of stress at this time. I ended up taking a pic of what it looked like down there so I could see what was going on. I only saw 1 spot. In the pic you will see the spot on top. It always just looked like a crater or something. It never blistered up or popped or crusted up. I knew I had the virus so I started researching outbreaks and pics and things. I wasnt sure if this was an out break or not because most of what I was dealing with didnt match up. I never felt sick. It didn't hurt to sit or wear panties. I didnt have any tingling or itching or burning sensation. I just felt irritated. I know every case is different though. So then I researched some home remedies and I ended up buying lysine 1000 mg to take and also used tea tree oil and acv diluted w/ water. Once I started messing with it, it started burning when urine got on the spot. And I think I didn't dilute the acv enough. I took 2 lysine pills a day until I wasnt feeling anything down there. So after a few days this healed up and everything was fine again but the spot never really went away. Things have been settled down and no stress since then. All of a sudden yesterday morning I started feeling that same irritation again. This morning I felt around down there and felt nothing so I took a pic again and the thing on bottom is what I found. I put some acv and  tea tree oil on it again.  And same as last time...ever since I touched it, it's been hurting just a tad and it looks exactly the same. I'm not sure if this is a outbreak or not but I'm pretty sure it is. I'm just not experiencing most of the symptoms I read about. Can someone give me their opinion please? Thank you.
    • PeaceNeeded
      Hello I am very interested about your case because seems similar to my condition. https://honeycomb.click/topic/76355-are-these-my-secondary-outbreaks-or-what-pics Please let us know what doctors will tell.
    • Wanteducated
      So my 20 year old daughter and I just found out she has genital herpes.  She is away at college and dealing with it on her own.  I am trying to be as supportive as I can by reading everything I can find from reputable sites.  She is staying busy this week with as she is involved with her schools freshman orientation for the new class coming in.  She was told by an urgent care doctor that she had it Visually, they did a blood test and called her to confirm it is herpes.  I told her to ask what type and she was told they don’t really type anymore because there is to much gray area but that it is a new infection. From what I have read that seems odd and she should find out what type.  I told her to inform anyone she may have had sex with in the last 6 months, she said she told the guy and he was an ass about it which of course makes the emotional side worse.  She is emotionally a wreck about it and I am trying to help her understand it’s not the end of the world.  Of course being 20 she feels she will not have the chance to meet anyone who would want to date her now. Any advice would be great....she is still in the middle of her first outbreak but I think the antiviral has been helping since she went to the doc as soon as she thought something wasn’t right.  I just want to help her as best I can!
×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.