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StillHaveAFuture

Sigh. Is this the end?

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StillHaveAFuture

What a year. Starting from December 25th last year I had an emergency hysterectomy, found out my husband was cheating on me on January 22, was roofied on a business trip in February, took my spouse back AND was burgled of all of my jewelry on April 10 (oh the irony of losing the wedding ring that day), was told by him in June, "I don't want you anymore," lost my job of 25 years on August 9, and found out on October 26 that I have genital herpes. The view from the top deck of the parking structure was particularly lovely that day - thank goodness the thoughts of my daughter kept me from doing anything rash. The kicker is that when I told (that day) the one partner that I had been dating, he knew he had HSV-1 (the oral kind, right?) and he didn't know he could pass it on from mouth to genitals. He didn't know.

I have been crying for three days now. Didn't sleep for the first night at all. I can barely walk the pain is so great. And the literature says the initial outbreak can last another 2 weeks. God I hope not. But, hey, I've lost 5 pounds!

I've only told two people - the guy who gave it to me and one friend who keeps telling me life isn't over. Well, yeah, sure it isn't. But who will date me now? I was really interested in a man, we had two great dates, but what do I tell him? I wouldn't want to date me. And I can't imagine ever having sex again - the risk to a partner is too great. Any risk is too great. I could never do that to someone.

Even in the worst times I have always been a giggly, bubbly person, but I feel that person has died. I can't imagine being happy again. Laughing again. Even smiling feels fake. It seems like the future is dark and I have no hope for finding true love again, which is what I really wanted after such a long, depressed marriage. I guess I wanted something good for me.

Everything I keep reading says that I need to manage my stress and eat right and stay healthy. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and melt into the couch.

Please say this gets better.

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summer20

I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time. it will take a while to get used to it and adjust, I got diagonised this thursday and like you, i thought i will never be with anyone and happy again. But if you let yourself to think this way, things will not get better. take it one day as it comes and try not to think too much but focus on how to get back on track and learn to manage the virus. you will get better.

take care

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j37

I understand how you feel. I have never been married or have had kids and am 37 years old. I've been looking and now it's going to be even harder to find somebody who will accept me with HSV2. I was just diagnosed a week ago and got it from a man who didn't care about me. Obviously, he gave this to me and won't admit he has it. He hasn't called or texted since I told him. Gee, thanks for the support after giving me a lifelong, contagious virus that will keep me from finding "the one". I liked him so much and he seemed so nice and responsible. I try to smile and act normal at work but it is totally just fake. I'm crying inside every day and sometimes I cry in the bathroom stall and in the car on the way to work. I'm so afraid of my future now and I don't know what this virus is doing to me inside.

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notgoingtobeashamed

Im sorry this is making you feel so low, i was diagnosed in march and felt exactly the same, it does get better not saying my life is the same as before but i am happy, being diagnosed is a lot to get your head round, i know atm it feels like the end of the world but trust me its not, my bf gave my mine and im single due to splitting over it, does worry me telling someone when i meet them but there are people out there to who having herpes wont be a problem, herpes isnt you and its you they will be interested in, my family know about mine and the first thing i said to my mum was thats it im single for life, she told me that she was friends with someone who had it and she had met a partner, married and had kids, so there are people out there who will not let it put them off, i guess in a way it makes you choose your potential partners a lot more carefully, this is a very good site there are lots of people who will be more than happy to offer advice or a shoulder to cry on, i hope your ob starts healing soon, things dont seem as hard once the pain and ob goes

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      Having HSV-2 has not bothered me at all for casual sex. I'm just avoiding sex during outbreaks, on suppressive therapy and using condoms every time with casual partners. Since my outbreaks appear on top of my penis, even during an outbreak the risk is minimal if I put a condom on as soon as I take my underwear off.  I guess it might be a slightly different case for a girl as if you have external lesions around your groin you could still infect someone even using a condom. And of course, condoms can break, which has happened to me over 10 times and caused myself to get infected in the first place.  I see it as a much more difficult now having a serious relationship, because I can't feel much with a condom on and really want stop using them. However, I don't want to put my new girlfriend to any risk - I would feel terrible if I infected her. 
    • viralfrog
      Does anyone have experience about people's reactions to Herpes in Asia? Personally I live in Thailand where I also caught the virus as a condom broke 4 years ago.  Unfortunately I infected my ex-girlfriend with HSV-2. This was just after I had caught the virus myself and we had sex before I noticed and realised what it was. In the beginning, a local doctor told me I have just hurt my foreskin with my jeans' zipper and the tests came as negative. After getting tested later it came as positive.  Anyways, my ex-gf (well educated, professional, 26 years old then) she had no idea what Herpes was in the first place. She didn't really care too much about it and didn't bother to get tested. During our 3 year relationship we kept having unprotected sex as usual and she never had any issues until at the end one day. She had a very minor outbreak once and nothing after that (lucky her, no like myself who gets terrible symptoms non-stop). I know she has a strong immune system, because she was never sick despite myself having bad colds quite often. In any case, she could not care less about this virus and didn't mind at all.

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    • Burty
      The full article is behind a paywall but you could write the the authors and request a copy.
    • OFMDH
      The jury is still out as there needs to be additional experiments. Editas' results make me believe dosing was insufficient among other issues.
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      Wow interesting !! But how did they provide it to him !! I mean he is 27 years old !!
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