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all around good guy

"happy birthday, you have herpes"

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all around good guy

well, as the title says, i found out just a few days ago that i have contracted herpes. and it was a couple days after my birthday. what a present. the woman i contracted it from talk me that she was infected right after she gave me my birthday present which was a skull cap that she had made me (she did a really good job at making it too). problem is that her and i had sex a little over a week before that and she didnt mention it then. she has had it for 12 years and claimed that she has never given it to anybody before and the reason she didnt tell me that she was infected was because she couldnt handle rejection then becasue she just had her heart broken a few months earlier and couldnt handle me turning her down right now. which i had no intentions of doing. she didnt even have to tell me she was infected, all i would have liked is if she would have just said we should probably use protection. but instead, she went from performing oral on me, to jumping right on before i even had a second to say hey, we should put on protection. but, me being a dumb guy, i assumed that i could trust her and that she would have told me if there was anything she had so didnt worry about it. i intended on wearing protection but it went from oral to vaginal so fast and my eyes were closed so i didnt know it was coming, so i didnt have a second to even say that we should use one. so yeah, im not fully blaming her, cuz i know i could have shoved her off and threw on a rubber and continued, but im a trusting guy so i didnt even think twice. yes, i am a bit bitter about it. its still fresh and new to me. my test results arent back yet so its not official, but there is no question in my or my doctors mind that i am H+. not a second in my day goes by that im not thinking about it.

so yeah, i had an outbreak the next day after she told me she was infected. i went to the doctor early friday morning, the 29th. and he said no questions, for sure a classic case. yay me.

the thing that irritates me the most is that she didnt want to be rejected so she didnt say anything or do anything to prevent spreading it and since she thinks shes never given it to anybody in the 12 years, that she will never give it to anybody. well i am the lucky one to prove her wrong. but she couldnt handle being rejected? but that means that she was completely comfortable with giving a young JUST TURNED 26 year old man an incurable disease that he is going to have to live with for the rest of his life. its a good thing they say the good die young, it gives me hope...

and the statistics are spot on in my case. lol. ok, so its sad but i didnt lose my virginity till i was 23. not cuz im ugly as hell, not cuz i was saving myself, but because i was just really shy and never really let it happen. then i met a girl, fell in love, and we had a great relationship full of love and amazing sex for 2 years till she decided to leave me for a guy who, up till then, was a friend of mine. (the sad thing is that he didnt and still doesnt want to date her, but he sure likes what hes getting out of their "friendship"). anyways, her and i broke up in june of this year. i have had 4 other partners since her. not necessarily sleeping around. one was litterally just a friends with benifits situation who ive known for years and was at the time single. the other 3 had dating potential, but i used protection for the other 2, and the last one is the one that i didnt use protection and was the one that gave me H. so the stats are pretty much spot on. lol. ive had 5 partners, and they say 1 in 5 people in america have G H. yay me for proving that one right. your welcome research. lol.

so in closing, im glad to see that there is a community dedicated to this disease and that from what ive read, i have plenty of people here that will give me support and help me live with this and get into a not so pissed off and disgusting feeling and will help me realize that living with H is very doable and you can still live a pretty much normal, health life. its hard to believe and understand now, but im only days into my infection, so it will take time.

if you read all of this, thank you for taking time to, it feels good to vent and discuss it since i dont know who to talk about it to around here cuz i live in a small community and news like this spreads like wild fire and i have a feeling if i start talking to people around here about it, i will soon be looked at as a leper.

and thank you for making this website. i truely beleive this will help me figure out a way to live with this... for the rest of my life...

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vlh

Hey guy. I read your entire post and i am amazed people can be so heartless. I was diagnosed a few weeks ago and had the same feelings towards the person who gave it to me. I would like to say at least you know who gave it to you but that is meaningless. You have it. I can say what you will hear a lot on here is that it does get easier. I read and read and listened and prayed til i finally got to a point where i told myself my life is not over. Yes i have to be more careful and thoughtful but i can have a normal life. I have a guy im "talking " to who is willing to be with me and i constantly ask myself "is he dense?". "is he two cans short of a sixpack?" He wants to be with me even tho im HV2 positive. This i see as a beginning. I see that anything is possible and it can be for you. I hate that this female did this to you but being bitter and feeling hatred only makes the situation worse. One day you will be able to deal and move on. Until then go to the chat room. There are many people just like you who can answer your questions and,believe it or not, make you feel better. I should know. Feel free to call on me if you need a impartial ear. I listen good. Lol.

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CourageousInDarkness

Looks like we're in the same boat, i'm a 26 year old male myself. Just found out about a week ago. It's not as bad as the stereotype that goes along with it. Sucks that you got it that way, and at an inopportune time, but it's not the end of the world. You can still have kids, and live a normal life. This is what they're talkin about when they say "Shit Happens". It doesn't make you a bad person, or an outcast. 50 million people in America, we're far from alone. Try to stay positive, like everyone sais, it'll get better.

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all around good guy

Thank you for reading ALL that. I know I wrote alot. This year has just been shit for me. Thought I was gunn get married to affor mentioned girl who left me for a friend of mine. Then got a DUI. And then the emotional shit with all that and the day we were supposed to get married. And now this. Yay me. So that's not helping me deal with this. But thank you for the stories and advice. I'm sure it will get better. I'm only 4 days into this, technically it's not official cuz I don't have he test results back yet, but pretty much no questions. So I'm sure it will get better. At least my OB is doing good, no real pain or discomfort. Seems to be healing decent. Either way. Thanks again. I might end up getting ahold of you later to talk if I get in another down and out mood. And feel free to email or message me too cuz I'm great with listening. Just try me. Lol.

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CourageousInDarkness

Sounds like a shitty time. I know how you feel about the girl. I thought we were gonna get married, but she cheated on me. I found out after I traded my truck in for this stupid little suv so we could haul kids around. Lost my girl and my pickup. But it turned out to be a good thing, lying batch. But on the bright side, all this your going through will offer you plenty of perspective and wisdom, which is infinite in value. It's easy to get down, but remember, it's just a skin virus. A virus that effects more people than it doesnt. It's hard to think of the good things in life going through so much bad, but it's there. You found out a friend wasn't as true as you thought. People go through their whole life with crappy friends, you got rid of one early. And you found out that girl wasn't worth giving your heart to. You've learned good lessons from that, which is a good thing. Plus your young. So you got a DUI, luckily you didnt hurt yourself or someone else. We're young, we make mistakes. Not learning from them is when you start to really get in trouble. Your going through alot, but you'll get through it, and you'll be a better person because of it. Just keep the faith.

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all around good guy

yeah, thats one good thing about hard times. you learn from them. if you dont, you might as well quit now... im sorry to hear that your girl cheated on you. and sorry to hear you sold your truck for what you thought was a good relationship. that sucks. i didnt sell my truck, but mostly cuz i bought a full size 4 door so i had the possibility of hauling kids. what i did lose was some good friends because they didnt like her, lost the friend that she left me for, lost the car we bought together so she had something nice and newer and reliable to drive, lost $100 on the first payment on a ring, lost what i thought was my dream girl, and lost my damn dog. and as far as the woman that gave me H, i still havent decided whether or not im going to continue to be her friend. im pissed at her for not telling me, and i told her that and that i needed some time away from her to deal with this. i know i wont date her anymore. we were talking about dating in the future, but she is impatient and wanted to get physical before we started dating, and thats when i contracted H. so i def cant trust her enough to tell me the truth about important info. but as far as throwing her away as a friend, i dont know, i think im done talking to her, cuz i just cant beleive she couldnt tell me, i dont know. time will tell.

but yeah, your right, what dont kill you, makes you stronger. i just got a hell of alot stronger this year. learned so much. thank you for the support.

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Bright Side

Wow! Apparently 2011 is a terrible year for all of us. I hate this year and I really hope next year will be better. I also just got out of a long term relationship and rebounded with a guy who didn't tell me he this. No telling if he knew or not apparently he lied to me on a daily basis. I feel like I went from being the entire package to being completely broken. This has shaken my confidence so much. How are y'all dealing with this???

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all around good guy

i know what you mean. i already had low self esteem. i was actually FINALLY getting to where i was pretty confident this last month. then, guess what, H attack.... lol. so this aint gunna help anything. i have no confidence again. hell, it was Halloween party night on saturday, plenty of good, single girls looking for a guy. granted, they probably were looking for one night fun, but still looking for guys. i had no confidence to talk to any of them, including the couple that came up and talked to me. i just kinda blew them off. but i had gotten tested the day before so it was still on my mind every second. now its on my mind every other second so, improvement.

oh, and update. doctor called today. HSVII possitive. no other diseases, but they want me to come back and in 6 months to retest to be sure

thats good news. no other diseases. cuz the woman that gave me H also told me that she had HPV and once had gonarea but had been treated. and one of my ob sores kinda looked like syphilis outbreaks. but no other, so im happy...ish.

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Bright Side

I just wish it was something treatable! I've only been with 5 people and I keep thinking how unfair it is that this will never go away. It's such a struggle to resolve this in my brain I'm such a "good girl" and an STD that never goes away didn't even seem possible. I was so uneducated about how common this is. I'm supposed to be smart and now I feel so incredibly stupid that I let this happen to me.

I was just getting confident too! And now all these guys are interested in me and I won't even go on dates with them. My friends that don't know about this think I'm crazy, it's sooo frustrating!

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all around good guy

I know. That's the shitty thing of it. Not treatable. Stuck with it for the rest of our lives. It's not like a bad hair cut, or accidentally super glueing your hands together. Lol. The hair cut can be fixed, and the hands can be separated either over time or with chemicals. This, you can't even go through the most radical surgery to fix it. The worst part is that I didn't get he choice to take the chance, much like, by the sounds of it, you didn't bright side. If she would have told me, hey, I have herpes. I would have already known a bit about it and would have thrown a condom on and still had sex with her, and if I caught it, then I caught it. Still probably would have gotten it, but atleast it would have been my choice. but she didn't say that, she didn't even say we should use protection. She jumped right on like it was no big deal. We had even had conversations about protection before and she said she knows she should use it, but her tubes are tied and she doesn't like condoms so she just doesn't usually use them. That shoulda been my first sign. She also told me she arts checked quite regularly. She didn't say she was clean, or had something. She just said she gets checked regularly.

And bright side, yay for us. We both have had sex with 5 people in our lives and we both caught H. Yay for us proving the statistics right. I'm glad I could do my part. Lol

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Bright Side

I keep thinking of why I shouldn't have slept with this guy. He said "sex was no big deal" at one point. That's such a red flag...especially since sex is such a bug deal to me. I didn't get a choice and honestly I was really stupid by not insisting on protection but I was on birth control so I was just worried about not getting pregnant the possibility of an STD never crossed my mind! I was so naive it makes me mad. I guess it's not HIV but it really freaking sucks!

This is definitely the biggest regret of my life....I'm not a fan of statistics anymore thts for damn sure!

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Guest AlUrker

Fwiw I got it for Christmas 11 years ago and I'm still hanging in there.

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all around good guy

I don't like statistics either, but at the same time, when it comes time for me to tell my next partner, if there ever is one, then statistics will help explain the disease. That and knowing them, I might be able to scare people into using protection like my ex. She almost never uses protection cuz she's on birth control also. I don't want to tell her that I have it and I dont owe her shit because of he way she treated me, but I also dont want her to catch it, or something worse. But I'm scared to tell her, but I feel it's my duty. I will admit, this is my biggest regret also. I knew I shoulda used protection, I had a rubber in my pocket in my pants that were only 5 feet away on the floor. But I didn't even know we were going straight to intercourse, she supprised me with that. I was laying on my back on the bed, she was giving me oral, it felt good so I had my eyes shut. She said hold on, and repositioned herself, I thought she was climbing on the bed to get more comfortable to resume. But no, she jumped on and stuck it right in. I was surprised and a little weirded out right away, but I'm a guy, I'm dumb, I hate rubbers, and I'm trusting so I told myself that she would have told me if she had something so I told myself it was alright. Obviously I was wrong. But too late for that.

I'm really afraid of passing this on to somebody. I fear that the most. I don't want anybody else to go through this.

And yesterday you said you wish there was a cure, and I agree. But what I wish, I wish there was a way to make it so that the only time your contagious is if your having an outbreak and it doesn't start till you actually have signs of it. That way you would know when you are shedding everytime and you would know when it's dangerous to have sex. That way there was no asymptomatic shedding, cuz you can shed at any time without a sign of it. Cuz that scares me alot because I don't know when I need to be extra careful. If it was that way, I probably wouldn't have gotten it cuz she showed no signs at the time. But that was Tuesday night, and she had an outbreak Sunday. So she was shedding before the physical outbreak. It just sucks that it can happen so easy.

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