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I don't know where to turn

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I blame myself. I meet my finacee 4 years ago. I am a widow and had not been intimate in years. My fiancee told me that he had herpes for over 20 years and had never given it to anyone. He was in a 7 years relationship with a lady and had unprotected sex and did not infect her. He claimed he was on supression medicine and had not had a breakout in years. We started with condems and pressured me to have unprotected sex. I caught it immediately. I know I am an idiot and that I played with fire and got burned.

Here's the problem I am always in a breakout. My condition turned into vulvatits an inflamatory condition. My doctor tells me my case is out of her knowledge and told me to find a university doctor.some where. My immune system has gone crazy and I have develpoed arthritis. I see a therapist for the depression this has caused. I can't tale to anyone about this situation. No one would understand. My family makes fun of the disease.

My fiancee treats me badly and does not give me any moral support. He calls me friget I call me ill. It is impossible to be intimate when you feel like you sat on hot coals. I would have broken up with him long ago if I weren't ill. He tells me the disease is my fault because I am so thin. He says I wouldn't have caught it if I ate more and weighed more. I think I hate him. I really think he gave me this disease on purpose. I am scared that no one will accept me or my illness.

I am sorry to be such a cry baby I have had no one to talk about this with other than my therapist. My therapist just shakes her head and tells me to breakup with him. She tells me that there will be someone who will want me.

Thanks for listening any advice will be appriciated. I was totally happy before this illness got me. Anyone who wants to tell me off, save it I beat myself up on a daily basis.

Hugs to all. Newbe

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Hi and welcome...

No one is going to beat you up here, we are a support forum.

First, I would like to say that I'm very sorry you are having such a hard time with the virus. Being thin is not the reason you caught it. You caught it because you and your parnter had sex and a not so safe time. He might have been shedding at the time, and truly there is no way to know when that is happening. Your immune system is probably compromised in some way and that is probably why you are having such a hard time with OBs.

Now as far as the way your BF is treating you, that really has nothing to do with the virus. The worse seems to come out in people when there are hard times. You have to make the decision if you are going to stay with him or not, your therapist can't make that choice for you.

Are you upset with him because he gave you the virus, or the way he is acting?

Your therapist is right....you will find someone that will except you with this virus. Everyone deserves to be happy! never settle because of HSV.

Glad you found us! this is a great site for support. Come to live chat, you will meet people willing to offer advise and give support.

Good luck and hang in there..

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Like Misty said, we are not here to make you feel bad... we are here to support you.

We have all experienced bad times, so due to herpes, but a lot more due to other life experiences. Herpes does not have to mean that you won't find someone else to love you and support you. So don't feel hopeless.

You have two completely separate issues. #1 is getting you mentally healthy. It sounds like you are experiencing some depression that is linked to the lack of support and feeling betrayed by your BF. As Misty said, problems can bring out the worst in people but they can also bring out the best. He has shown to you that he is not really a person that is going to be there for you "in sickness and in health"... for me personally that would be a dealbreaker. There is no way I would allow myself to marry a man that would not be there for me the way I would be there for them. So that is a choice you need to make for yourself.

#2 is the physical problems. If you doc can't handle the issue then definitely seek out someone that can. You need someone to help you get your physical symptoms under control, because it does sound like you must have a really weak immune system right now, so there could be something serious going on other than just herpes.

Lastly, hang in there. Once you find the right doc, it will get better. Once you feel better physically then the mentally will come back too. In the meantime do visit the chat room. There is a ton of support there. And you will actually find yourself laughing again at some of the silliness that goes on too.

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Thank you kind people you have no idea what your moral support means to me. I finally found a doctor that treats my condition.I have an appointment on the 29th. I am in a severe break out. I get the virus in the urinary tract. I am on antibodics for an upper respiratory infection and it seems to have triggered a break out.

I had a cortisone injection in my knee and the entire area where the cortosone was injected broke out with herpes. I get the sores on the inside of my mouth at least they aren't visible.

I wish I would have come here sooner. I am so touched at the kindness and moral support in this group. I am feeling much better thanks to kind members and a doctors appointment.

Hugs to all,

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Here's my hug to you. Hang in. Those issues will get under control.

I had colon cancer 15 years ago with surgery and chemo. It took a long time to get back to a new normal. This doesn't help, but I'm prepared to do what it take to get life back to normal.

You sound like a wonderful person. Best of luck and please be strong.

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Greetings Toot,

I am so sorry for your physical and emotional pain. My goodness compaired to what you have been through my medical issues are a walk in the park.

I went to a counselor at a woman's center and discovered that my soon to be X is emotionally unhelathy. It was very uplifting to attend a womans support group. Last month I fractured my tibia and had a fishing lure removed at the hospital the soon to be X just wasn't there for me. I am going to the hospital today and sign up to be a volunteer candy striper.

If it weren't for the herpes I would have broken up with my Boy friend long ago. I have to get rid of the silly notion that herpes shuts all doors to a future with someone new.

Thanks for your kindness. Good Luck to you in getting back to a new normal.

Big Hugs to you.

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