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so much info but not the answers I need.

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First time posting here,and I have questions.I started seeing a woman a few weeks ago and she told me she got genital herpes from her ex husband 12 years ago.When she has an outbreak it is always on her lower back below the waist,and never near or on her genital area.She has had two outbreaks in the last year,and is taking valtrex for healing I guess.I need to know what our limits are when she is not having an outbreak.Can we have sex without a condom?Is me doing oral on her out of the question?Other diseases are not a concern to us as we have both been very sexually inactive for a long time.We're both in our 50s and would really like to enjoy a sex life.Any input on the subject will be greatly apprieciated.Thanks, Bud.

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You can do whatever you want with this. You can have a normal sex life, although never have sex when she is having an outbreak.

I have had this a long time and have been with several women and never passed it along. I know people who have been married decades and never passed it. Even if you do end up getting it, it is not that bad, especially for men. It is harder for a man to get it from a girl than vice versa.

You just have to realize that there is always a risk of transmission. Condoms do reduce the risk but it is never 0. I have had a lot of unprotected sex and never passed it. Ask your friend if she would be willing to go on daily antivirals, they reduce the risk tremendously. Here is an article that talks about transmission risks. As you can see it is not that easy to pass. Also, the longer you have it the less you are contagious:


Good luck!


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Richard Pryor

Hey Bud. I'm in the same boat as you... sleeping with a woman who got H about 10 years ago.

I'm gonna go ahead and try to answer your questions. I've read quite a few on the subject the past week or so, and have spent some time in the Chat Room as well.

Do you know if she has type 1 or 2 genital herpes? This will influence the chances that she'll pass it along to your mouth area if you do oral on her. If she has type 1, you are more likely to get oral herpes than if she has type 2. But since you say she gets OB's twice a year, chances are she has type 2. You can still get that orally, but it is less likely to happen.

Using a condom helps, and if she takes Valtrex every day as a preventive measure it will also help. But condoms ARE NOT 100% safe to prevent infection. Not even close.

In a study I read, 199 couples had sex without ever using a condom (1 partner infected with hsv2) (avg twice a week, avoiding during OB's). I think it was after one year, 16 got infected and 183 didn't.

Then 222 couples had sex (avg twice a week, avoiding during OB's) ALWAYS using condoms. After one year, 12 got infected, and 210 didn't.

As you can see, condoms help... a little.

Here's the link to the article.

Other shit you should read:

- viral shedding

- more shedding

Hope this helps!

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