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stormydaze

I am an emotional wreck!!!

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stormydaze

I am just angry. Tired and fed up. My grades have dropped since I have been diagnosed. My bf who gave me this disease broke up with me. The past 2 years have been total hell. I get laid off from my job and still haven't found work. I have been on interview after interview after interview. My bf of 5.5 years takes off for good after I lose my career. We try to be friends but that's just not working out. I lose my apartment and car in the same day after 1 year of losing my career b/c unemployment doesn't pay for the lifestyle that I built for myself. After my 5.5 yr relationship and almost a year go by I find the courage to date again. Who do I meet, a crazy person who uses me for what they can get out of me and he breaks into my moms place and trashes it b/c I told him it's not going to work out. And after some more time goes by I meet the low-life who gives me this. What in the hell? I have to be the most unlucky person in my area right now. Then my family is having problems and they argue all the time that I get nervous and shake so bad. I am surprised I haven't killed myself. I honestly don't know how much I can bare. What am I doing wrong in my life? What did I do to deserve all of this pain? I am really having a f-ed up moment. I have been in my bed all day. I don't want to leave the house. I don't want this disease. I don't feel normal. I don't feel. I just don't want to feel. I am hurting so bad that I no longer want to feel. I've cried off and on b/c I am mentally and emotionally in pain. I can't even find my self worth when I feel this bad. I can't even find the will to love me anymore. I don't know who this person is.

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luckyCat

Sounds like you have a lot more going on that just the Herp. Have you thought about going to get counseling? I know money is bad right now but a lot pf places will offer a sliding scale and if youre paying out of pocket, you can write it off on your taxes (i think). I went and got counseling when i felt things were spinning out of control in my life...it really helped me a lot.

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stormydaze

I have counseling at school, but I honestly think my life is entertainment for her. She has ordered me to do homework and figure out what makes me happy and what is my definition of success without society's definition of success. I am trying. It's just this week has really been rough. One minute I'm ok and the next minute I'm breaking down. I think I am just going to sleep for tonight. I hope tomorrow is better. I've been doing yoga consistently for 2 years and I have not been to a class in over 3 weeks since the diagnoses. I am going to try to get up and go tomorrow. Thanks for your help.

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luckyCat

I think yoga is a great idea! It has had a very unifying and calming affect on me when i practiced it. Swimming is another good one to try if you have access to a pool. Doing laps can put a person in an almost meditative state that can be very relaxing. Hope it helps.

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CyanLuna

Aw man! I know how you feel... I went through a very similar experience when I was first infected about 5 years ago... Was with an abusive boyfriend, left him which included leaving my house, pets (& had lots of issues with work), not long after that I thought I found a pretty decent guy who ended up giving me herpes and lying about it. Had a horrible 1st OB but dr. didn't diagnose it properly... Fast forward to a few months ago (I have an awesome fiance and toddler) get the "sores" that weren't diagnosed - I ask for a blood test and get HSV2 results... Since then I have been battling with the frustration of this pesky little a-hole HSV lol. I get depressed, sometimes feel like I don't want to be alive.. THIS is what HELPS though: I have a free-flow diary of my thoughts, where I allow myself to say every messed up thought and feeling I may have, then I try to release them. I also try to think about the positives in my life, even if all I have is beautiful weather or a painfree day. It helps some, and I am sure talking on here helps some too. People suck, but keep your head up. When you get so low things can only get better. I hope you have luck finding a job and rebuilding your life, I have had to move 3 times in the last year and was almost homeless - and the only thing that pulled me through was my social support. Do you have any close friends you could spend some time with and maybe have a laugh? Also, you will find love. When you find the right person they will accept you regardless and you may just learn that they have H too. Feel free to message me, sorry if I seem to ramble :)

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browneyedbabe18

The very best advice I can give is to keep going! Life sucks sometimes, but it's just a skin disease.

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