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Hello, Im new to this site and i really need some people to talk to. I'm 18 years old and just found out that i had herpes.

I was dating this boy for about 3 months, and we became sexually active. We only had sex 4 times, and every time we used protection. We were even SO CAREFUL as to stop in the middle of getting really intimate to go to the store and get condoms. He called me one day and told me he went to the doctor for a sore on his penis and he was diagnosed with genital herpes.

last week i got a terrible "rash" on me and i was getting sick at work, and was being told i looked pale and sickly. i knew exactly what it was because i had researched the symptoms, and it was every single one i saw.

i am in so much fucking pain and so uncomfortable. i cry every night because i really trusted him- and im not a whore! its not fair.. i live in a small area and if anyone finds out i'll be labeled "nasty".

i feel like I'll never be able to find anyone that really cares about me. and if i do, they'll be scared away by this.

Im constantly getting hit on everywhere i go, and normally i just laugh and dont think anything of it. But now, it makes me break down and cry because its like- no matter who i meet no one's gonna want to be with a girl who has herpes EWW!

im so confused and scared. no one even knows i have it yet. i feel like my life is over and im so upset. i work 2 jobs, and im constantly wanting to scream from discomfort and i cant do anything about it.

someone please help me. i feel like i just want to die. ive never been suicidal before, but the thought has crossed my mind hundreds of times this past week.

id really appreciate some replies. thank you


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First of all, take a deep breath. You are not dirty, or nasty. Most people on this site are upstanding, respectable people who caught herpes in the same way. WE are all not dirty nasty people.

Did this guy know he had herpes before he was with you? if you used protection, it is not always foolproof against herpes. Even if you are "rubbing around down there" with out actual penetration ,the skin to skin contact can cause you to contract herpes. But I am wondering if he knew before hand. Are you still in contact with him?

herpes sucks. As you know, outbreaks happen, and they are miserable. BUT it is not the end of the world. There are ways to take care of yourself to help prevent outbreaks, or at least lessen them. Did your doctor at least prescribe you an antiviral? Valtrex or Acyclovir to help lessen the pain of the outbreaks? Check into that, because that can be very crucial at these early stages of your outbreaks, while your poor little body is trying to get use to the virus in it.

There are also things like Choraphor to use (I do, since I can not take the antiviral meds) and it seems to clear it up pretty quickly. Stings like a son of a gun, but only for a few minutes and no worse than the pain of the outbreak itself, and like I said, it works well for me, so maybe it will work for you.

You sound like a good kid. Working two jobs and what not. You are a young lady with the world ahead of you, please do not let this stupid virus change the course of your life and make you feel less of yourself. You are still YOU, you just have this virus that, while life altering, is NOT a death sentence. Continue to be the vibrant, wonderful girl you are. Flirt with guys, date, you do not have to tell anyone you have this until things get serious and you feel that you are going to be intimate with them. There are section here on this website that help with "telling".

But nobody needs to know you have herpes, and I am willing to bet many of your friends and neighbors ALSO have herpes.

Ever see anyone with a coldsore? Guess what? That is herpes. They have it.

1 in 4 american have genital herpes. The numbers are probably higher because so people do not know (or are in denial) that they have it. Look around you. Pick out 8 people, other than yourself. At least one of those folks have genital herpes. Even in smalltown, USA. So you ARE NOT ALONE.

I caught herpes from a boyfriend who lied to me 3 years ago (over 3 now..) I am not a bad person. I am a grown woman, in my 30s and thought I was past the whole STD thing (most people tend to get stds in their teens and twenties.) AND he worked in the medical field, you think he would have known better , but nope, he was a douchebag. I do not feel any less of myself because I have herpes. I am in a wonderful relationship with an amazing man who DOES NOT have herpes, and I will NEVER EVER let anyone treat me like shit just because I have this.

Sure, it drives me crazy from time to time, I have developed some weird issues since I got it (I have a form of OCD now...whole different story/post) but for the most part, I just continue to live my life. While herpes is always in the back of my head, and always will be, I just try not to let it get me down.

Do the same. keep your chin up. Kick some ass, work, go to college and take some courses. There is a whole big wonderful world out there to see and explore...wow, i wish I were 18 again!!! You have your whole life ahead of you....make the most of it. Don't let this little road bump stop ya!

Good luck and I hope you having a better day. Call the doctor about them meds!


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I'm so sorry. You will 'feel' better soon. Yes, feeling like no one will want a person with herpes is exactly how I felt. I had to approach a man I love and tell him that my ex apparently gave me this. I expected him to turn and run away - he's younger than me and I figured he'll want someone younger (prettier I would suppose) and 'clean'. He didnt run and I learned to accept the situation. I still have days where I feel like 'typhoid mary' and yet I try to remind myself of all the things I could have like HIV, sometimes it helps sometimes it doesnt. I just found this site myself because I was devastated over learning I passed this onto my man. I have found great comfort and friends and have learned a lot about the disease I did not know. I also feel not so 'abnormal' knowing there are others dealing with the same feelings or similar situations. I hope I brought you just a little comfort today.

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  • 3 weeks later...

i just found out that i have it too and I probably gave it to my boyfriend we aren`t sure who gave it to who beacuse we both were getting symptoms at the same time for the first time..... I`m only 21... You know it better helps you to find someone who loves you for you and I think People that have Herpes and are in a relationship their bond is alot stronger then a couple that is "clean" It leasons the whole cheating issue you both apperciate each other more... and me going threw a divorce ... you are young and don`t need to tie yourself down any way.. Its a good way for you to stay focused and work at your goals. Just try to to get comfortable with your self in your new skin.... I learned to do that pretty quick with a 2yr. old running around. It could be worse really it could and once you get used to it although I know i haven`t yet it`s not going to be that big of a deal. and if someones going to judge you like that off the bat as nasty or gross why would you want to be there friend any way??? Keep your head high when you walk don`t be ashmed. Take up a relaxing hobby to knock off some of that stress ... stress with this I hear only makes the ob`s worse. by the by i noticed your name .. do you listen to ICP , Twiztid , blaze, ect... by chance ????

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  • 1 year later...

is it herpes

can you tell me more about the initial symptoms of herpes I have been itchy for weeks and it is sore today when i urinate but i have not got any blisters . It is possible I have something else as i have been itchy before my last sexual encounter and aches in thighs and buttocks - I have been sent to rheumatology for tests for lupus. I am due back at docs to ask them to relook at whether I might have a bacterial or yeast infection as have been having symptoms for a while now on and off, but more since i last had sex 4 weeks ago

am wanting to know if you get itches or tingling or a sore vagina how long after do blisters show? if they do show

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Hi Sad,

I found out I had herpes almost a year ago. The worst day of my life, I've never cried so much. So when I say I understand, believe me I do. But Ouch is absolutely right, this is a phase and you will get through it. It's important to realize that the initial outbreaks are usually the worst so they will get better. There are also things you can take to assist with dealing with them. However, I think even more important is for you to realize that after the initial shock has worn off, it gets better. I have only told 3 people about this and none of them are my friends. I told my god mother, sister and the man I'm dating. It's funny, because when I found out I had this it hurt me to the core to have to tell him. We'd already had sex at that point and I was scared as hell that I'd given it to him. But I did and we are still together today, and he's still hsv negative. I don't know why he's negative but he is.

You have to decide how you want to deal with this, I myself say don't tell anyone until you're ready. As far as the public goes, they do not have to know your personal business so there's no obligation to tell anyone. As far as dating goes, wait until the time is right. You'll know because you've gotten to know this person and you feel they're trustworthy and you're considering taking the relationship to the intimacy level. You and I both know that not all dates lead to this point so why not still date? Those guys who're flirting with you, flirt back! Be yourself. Remember there isn't a sign on your forehead that says herpes (that's how I felt when I found out).

All I'm saying is that, allow yourself this adjustment phase because you need it. But remember it's just a phase and eventually you won't think about it as much. I'd be lying if I said there was a day I didn't think about the fact that I have herpes but I'm hoping that comes in year 2. My bf didn't leave when I told him, as a matter of fact even though we'd only been dating a little over a month when I told him. He stayed because he cared about me (we just got engaged Friday :) ). So all men don't run for the hills when you tell them. Keep your head up and stay on these boards. The people on here are absolutely the BEST!!! Everytime you feel down, there is someone on here who knows what you're going through and will be able to help you through it. I credit this site, for helping me through it. Who better to get advice from, then people who've been there.

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Hi there, sorry to hear your story, I wanted to kill the guy that gave it to me at first,but i made the decision to so cant blame it all on him. Things will get better once the first outbreak starts to feel better. the pain reminds you of it steady soit is hard to think of a positive thought but it will happen. Just find all the info you can and this site is great.

Best of luck and keep your chin up!!

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its bad, but not THAT bad

hey im new here. i just found out i have genital herpes on mmonday and ive been reading some of your posts and i can't picture getting so emotional over this. I didnt cry when I found out. I didnt really get upset at all. In fact, I'm the one who told my doctor I had it, not the other way around. Just because I saw the sore down there and i was like "WTF....GOOGLE!!"

Anyways, I'm 20 years old, and i've already had cancer so i guess I'm somewhat of an expert on handling shitty situations, but i'm not really bitter at all for the guy not telling me. He wanted to have sex with me and he knew that if he told me it wouldnt' have happened. So i guess I can't really blame him.

However, I do have a few questions:

first of all....if i take Valtrex every day ....how often (approximatley) because i know it varies from person to person- will i have an outbreak/?


I'm still going through my first outbreak right now and it's pretty painful.

I have




-multiple sores that feel like razors

-i cant walk

-i cant eat

-insane itching

-cant sleep for more than 3 hours at a time.

I mean honestly, I can't do anything right now. I can't even walk. And this will last another week prolly.

....how am i supposed to live if i have these symptoms around once ever 3mo or so??

or do u think becuase i'm on the valtrex it wont happen that often?

thanks for your comments.

Oh and is it okay to smoke weed for the pain?? or will that make the outbreaks worse????

(sorry if "drug" use--even tho its natural!! offends anyone here))

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I can't answer for the smoking but if you took the valtrex within 72 hours of your OB, your OB should be less severe and end quicker than if you hadn't. Mine lasted 1 1/2 months and I did not take valtrex within 72 hours. I took it like two weeks later because my doc did not think i had it.

I don't know how often you will have an OB, lots don't have one once they take valtrex every day. but everyone is different. Lots also don't have one when they don't take Valtrex. Everyone's immune system is different.

there are natural supplements you can take like oil of oregano, lysine, vitamin c and zinc. check out the links to the right or do a search on this site for those key words.

Good luck, you have a good attitude and that is half of the battle.

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    • Hiitsmeimtheproblem
      To give some context I hve been suffering with this for the last 6/7 years this came about after I had varicella zoster on the inside of my body a week after I started getting clusters of spots on the top of my buttock they are not painful as such can be itchy at times but majority of the time I don’t feel it when I have an outbreak. I’ve been to various doctors who say it’s a fungal skin infection or a bacterial skin infection. I’ve asked if it’s herpes but they will say it’s not without even testing it. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hello there @momma267 and welcome. There is no reason to believe that what you have there is other than a pressure sore, something that has emerged from rubbing with clothing or butt cheeks and exacerbated by bacteria or yeast.  Note that the first you’d learn of herpes is unlikely to be on your butt, instead where it enters your body, this is usually within the vaginal lips for females.
    • momma267
      So to begin with, I am 26 and have been with the same partner for 8 years. I have only been with three people ever, one completely protected and the other we were both our firsts. I got this rash on my but while pregnant and my doctor said she was testing for it and I'm so confused. I've had two babies, breastfeed, and never had anything as much as a cold sore. Does this look like something anyone has experienced? I used fragrant soap down there and am hoping it's contact dermatitis or a heat rash from sweating and gaining so much weight.  Advice would be helpful. I'm stressing out a bit as I am pregnant. Blister https://picallow.com/blister/  
    • harrygauff
      @WilsoInAus could you kindly have a look :) also how long does it typically take for herpes blisters to develop into sores
    • harrygauff
      Hi, it is me again, apologies for the recent influx of posts. I've noticed a slightly raised area on the middle of my top lip with what i feel are some bumps. i do have a habit of biting my lips a fair bit and this area is frequented by my teeth. I haven't noticed any unusual/abnormal tingling or burning or pain sensations. the photos are a bit difficult to focus on them but do these seem like the start of cold sores? note: I will be visiting the drs for an std checkup in the coming week. https://imgur.com/gallery/YLVA5us
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