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eastcoastwest

found out last week... This is long, but could really use some advice

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eastcoastwest

I was just diagnosed last week through a culture.. the doctor said it def. wasnt herpes because it was such a tiny cut and was not experiencing any other symptoms. but of course the culture was positive. the doctor and nurses didnt seem very concerned or interested in giving me a lot of info so I took it upon myself to do alot of research on the internet. Coming across forums like these helps alot; I understand that this is part of me now and i will have to make changes to my sex life.. I am in my early 20's and feel like im just starting real-life, but now I have this. I guess im just looking for advice from someone who has dealt with this for a long time... is it evil to go out with friends, meet someone attractive who you connect with, and have sex- while on medication and protected? is my sex life basically over unless im in a relationship? I guess that attitude and life style is what landed me here, so its my own fault. I know that this wont kill me, and i know im lucky that my case (so far..been 9 days) is VERY mild, but there is such a stigma with this thing i cant help but feel stupid, unwanted, and undeserving... I have tried to settle down so much, really trying to find a girl to stick with b/c im getting older and have realized having sex with random ppl isnt that cool; and as soon as i started making these positive changes- BAM- herpes.

I met a girl, we had sex, and I realized she is pretty cool. But 2 and a half weeks later I see this little cut... I know she has gotten around, but i didnt judge, and i know that its possible she has given this to me; but it is also very possible i have now given it to her. Im not mad at her at all if she gave it to me- iv done the research, so i know its not worth killing myself over.. but If i bring it up to her she will definitly flip out- who knows.. maybe tell people.. I really dont know her that well yet- its only been 3 weeks.. i really dont know what to do either..this whole situation is such a headache... sorry this is so long, i guess im just kind of venting- i literally have no one to talk to, no friend to give me advice.. i never thought i'd be in this position.. :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

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flipped79

Hey, I feel your thoughts; I really do. I was just diagnosed about a wk ago, and like you I'm ok in the sense that it's not the end of me but I do have to make some changes. If anything this will make you want to be on the right tract bc you'll learn from this and will be more careful. At least that's how I see it now, I'm in my early 30s, and I can't give you that "it'll be ok talk" bc I'm new at this as well. But so far I've gotten great advice off this forum.

I however am in a 3 yr relationship and have no idea how I got this and am afraid to tell my gf, bc of that entire stigma. But she needs to get tested, so that talk will come soon.

Keep doing your research; as far as what I've read; it is still possible to pass even when using a condom if the areas that are blistering aren't covered by the condom. Then there's that entire viral shedding thing, which is really a pain. They say even without blistering you can still pass during times of viral shedding. But you can lower that percentage of shedding by taking a suppressant such as Valtrex on a daily basis.

As much as I have read I have come to terms that this is not as bad as what we as people think that it is. I guess bc when you see pics you always see the worse case scenarios and it makes you quiver. But we just got to move on think positive and try and make the best of your life now the best way possible.

I wish you luck.

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Perseverance3H

I agree with flipped79. I'm also new. Officially find out on Friday 1&2... Like 1 is not enough!!! I'm just glad and thanks God everyday that it was not the other "H"... Herpes is becoming so common I still don't understand why the government don't fund more money for the research of a cure. I'm 26, female and I feel the same way you do. I thought I was getting my life together, recently divorced and BAM I got herpes. This website helps a lot. Come to the chat sometimes they are very friendly there. We are not alone and this don't define who we are.. You are still the same person just now you have a "skin rash", a virus that really doesn't do anything. The flue virus is more dangerous. Just keep reading and arm yourself with information, this helps... See you around!

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RealisticGal
I was just diagnosed last week through a culture.. the doctor said it def. wasnt herpes because it was such a tiny cut and was not experiencing any other symptoms. but of course the culture was positive. the doctor and nurses didnt seem very concerned or interested in giving me a lot of info so I took it upon myself to do alot of research on the internet. Coming across forums like these helps alot; I understand that this is part of me now and i will have to make changes to my sex life.. I am in my early 20's and feel like im just starting real-life, but now I have this. I guess im just looking for advice from someone who has dealt with this for a long time... is it evil to go out with friends, meet someone attractive who you connect with, and have sex- while on medication and protected? is my sex life basically over unless im in a relationship?

You need to understand that even with antivirals and condoms, there is no way to make the chance of passing this to someone else zero. And any potential partner needs to know you have it, understand the chances, and be allowed to make their own choice.

So the key is, you need to inform all potential partners of your status BEFORE becoming intimate. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to be "in a relationship" with someone, but it certainly makes it a bit easier to tell if you date a bit and get to know a person better first.

(That isn't necessarily a bad thing.)

I guess that attitude and life style is what landed me here, so its my own fault. I know that this wont kill me, and i know im lucky that my case (so far..been 9 days) is VERY mild, but there is such a stigma with this thing i cant help but feel stupid, unwanted, and undeserving... I have tried to settle down so much, really trying to find a girl to stick with b/c im getting older and have realized having sex with random ppl isnt that cool; and as soon as i started making these positive changes- BAM- herpes.

I met a girl, we had sex, and I realized she is pretty cool. But 2 and a half weeks later I see this little cut... I know she has gotten around, but i didnt judge, and i know that its possible she has given this to me; but it is also very possible i have now given it to her. Im not mad at her at all if she gave it to me- iv done the research, so i know its not worth killing myself over.. but If i bring it up to her she will definitly flip out- who knows.. maybe tell people.. I really dont know her that well yet- its only been 3 weeks.. i really dont know what to do either..this whole situation is such a headache... sorry this is so long, i guess im just kind of venting- i literally have no one to talk to, no friend to give me advice.. i never thought i'd be in this position.. :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

From your research, you have probably already learned some things.

For instance, you probably already know that about 70% of those who have herpes do not know it due to lack of symptoms.

You probably also know that the virus can lay dormant for long periods of time without causing symptoms, which makes it really hard to figure out who gave what to whom.

All that to say, you should tell this girl what is happening with you. Just tell her. Just say exactly what happened as far as finding the little cut a couple of weeks after you were together, getting tested, and finding out you have GHSV. Let her know that you don't know how long you have had it, but she should be tested in case she has it too now.

It may not be easy, but telling her is the right thing to do. Be calm about it, be straightforward and tell the truth, and hopefully she will react calmly as well. But at least you will have done the right thing, either way.

:wavey:

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