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So many questions. My boyfriend has HSV1...

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So I am new to this forum and I am so glad to have found it! I have been researching HSV 1 for like 3 weeks now. I have been dating this man whom I have totally fallen in love with. When we first started dating like the first two weeks we were together we kissed and about two weeks in after hanging out every day for hours we started sleeping together (protected) After that the kissing stopped. It's been three months and he hasnt kissed me since :(

Two months into our relationship I got very frustrated with the no kissing and was ready to break up with him. It was that night that he finally told me he gets cold sores and was afraid if he told me I'd break up with him and thats the reason he wouldnt kiss me. Not only wouldnt he kiss me... but no oral sex, no sharing drinks or cigarettes or anything. I should have picked up on all the hints he left me but I just didnt.

Once he told me i did some quick research on my blackberry and learned it really wasnt a huge deal and we could work around it. He got an outbreak three days after that big argument. I guess due to the stress and lack of sleep. His cold sore is finally gone 3 weeks later and I just went to my doctor to get blood work done to see if I have HSV 1. Is it weird that I hope the test comes back positive so he can sop worrying? Now here is where the questions come in...

1. He says that he has to wait 2 weeks after the cold sore is completely gone until the virus has retreated back into the nervous system and so I am still waiting to kiss him. Is this true or is he just being paranoid?

2. If I have HSV 1 too, is kissing still a concern when he has an outbreak? If so why?

3. If we both have HSV 1 but just on the mouth (that we know of anyways) can we have unprotected oral sex when there are no mouth sores present or can a person with HSV 1 orally still get HSV 1 genitally? How common is that?

Thanks in advance for any support answers help anything!

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hello there! It's nice to see you are educating yourself on this virus. This website as you can see is full of information that will answer your questions. If both of you have the same virus you can't reinfect each other. You're not going to catch it again if you already have it. You will have the antibodies present that will prevent you from catching it in other places. The RARE exception would be is if you had a damaged immune system. It's great that he is practicing a better safe than sorry approach when it comes to kissing. Whatever he is comfortable with doing. Trust me, the guilt of giving it to someone else isn't worth it so lets play it safe :) You both should sit down and look at the statistics that way you are both on the same page. I refer to this link when I want perspective. http://www.hsvblog.org/herpes-simplex-virus-hsv-101/

Good Luck in your relationship. It truly is not the worst thing in the world.

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he is very nice to you he seems special. unfortunately the guy that gave me hsv 1 on my genitals was because he had it too. i am not sure if it was orally his hsv or if he touched me down there in that way but BE VERY CAREFUL you do not... NOT want it down there trust me it is hard to manage emotionally and it is very painful so make sure if he has symptoms to have him not do anything to you.. just as he is doing. but once it is gone he is safe and he can take meds to reduce outbreaks to prevent giving you it too you can tell him that unless he already is.

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Hi Curiousmunkee,

My advice to you is forget having oral sex from him. My ex boyfriend was completely asymptomatic from his coldsores the one and ONLY time he gave me oral sex. 3 days later I had the worst primary outbreak of genital HSV1,I could hardly walk. The physical side goes away after 10 days but 7 months on I am emotionally tormented by this damn virus. I haven't slept well in the last 7 months and it contributed massively to our relationship falling apart. Please please don't risk getting genital HSV1 for the sake of oral sex. Trust me I would do anything to turn back the clock to that one day and say NO. Then I would have my freedom back and self esteem.

Kissing - I should n't even bother worrying about as long as he doesn't have symptoms then go for it but trust me you don't want it down below, it ****** hurts and the stigma and facing the prospect of having to tell a future partner destroys you.

Hope this works out well for you. Good luck x

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