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Misery

So I've been trying to date after 4 years and....

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Misery

Its not going well at all. I've been on match and every guy that I have met has propositioned me with sex on either the first or second date. Am I missing something here??? is the new way of dating have sex then see if you like the person???

I have not had sex in 4 years of finding out about my status up until recently when I met a guy on match. I went to his house and he forced himself on me. I was too scared to scream or try and fight him because he is a body builder and he could have really hurt me. So I just gave in and asked him to please use a condom. He didn't want to but I begged him to and he did.

Do I feel bad about not telling him absolutely NOT! He like the other men I have met on match are only on there to find girls to have sex with. The other guys I have met I never went to their homes but they all asked me to have sex with them. I am so frustrated and I feel like stopping my meds and give each one of these guys what they are looking for!

I want to be honest about my having H with the guys I meet but they don't give me a chance to get to that point. I mean I don't even know their last names ... LOL ...

When I first decided to start to date again I was so scared to have the talk and now it seems that guys are making it easy for me not to have the talk. I mean why should I care so much if they don't?

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LG919

I to venture into the world of online dating. I find the same thing the guys just wanna hook up. I feel into the whole hooking up on a 2nd meet up i did tell the guy i had HSV 1 on my genitals and he didn't care we had sex with a condom several times. He then stopped talking to me for a few days. (Guess not a big shock for giving it up so easy) Then he calls all freaked out that he is going to get Herpes because of me and how can I do that to a person. Well thats the last time I did anything like that. Since it is online if I feel I am ready to meet someone I tell them and give the guy a chance to back out before we even meet. I have dated guys for a few weeks/month when I feel its time for the talk to just watch them run away really fast. I know this doesn't say much I just want you to know you are not alone.

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RealisticGal
Its not going well at all. I've been on match and every guy that I have met has propositioned me with sex on either the first or second date. Am I missing something here??? is the new way of dating have sex then see if you like the person???

I have not had sex in 4 years of finding out about my status up until recently when I met a guy on match. I went to his house and he forced himself on me. I was too scared to scream or try and fight him because he is a body builder and he could have really hurt me. So I just gave in and asked him to please use a condom. He didn't want to but I begged him to and he did.

Do I feel bad about not telling him absolutely NOT! He like the other men I have met on match are only on there to find girls to have sex with. The other guys I have met I never went to their homes but they all asked me to have sex with them. I am so frustrated and I feel like stopping my meds and give each one of these guys what they are looking for!

I want to be honest about my having H with the guys I meet but they don't give me a chance to get to that point. I mean I don't even know their last names ... LOL ...

When I first decided to start to date again I was so scared to have the talk and now it seems that guys are making it easy for me not to have the talk. I mean why should I care so much if they don't?

Ugh...that is HORRIBLE!!!! I am so sorry that guy forced himself on you, and I can't blame you one bit for not telling his sorry ass about HSV. In this one case, it definitely serves him right. He didn't deserve to be informed. He raped you. Let's call it what it was.

Match can be a real freak show, as can all the online dating venues. But then again, we could run into the same problem with a guy we met at work or the gym or church. You just never know. That's why you should DEFINITELY not go home (or anywhere else not public and relatively safe) with a guy until you have gotten to know that person a lot better. We have to be careful!

Please make it a policy from now on. If you decide to meet up with some guy, go to coffee first. Then maybe lunch or dinner if there is a second date.

Be careful. Get to know guys before you put yourself in a position such as the one you did with that guy. Do not tell any new guys where you live at first. When you leave from a date, try to let him drive away first. Don't even let him see what car you drive. Make some excuse to wait a while before leaving. If all else fails, drive somewhere else before going home. I know it sounds a little paranoid. It isn't. It is wise.

But don't despair. There are decent men in this world. We may have to sift through a lot of chaff, but we can find the good kernels. They are out there.

You should report that guy to the police. They might not be able to do anything about it now, but at least they would have the report on record in case he does that to someone else in the future.

:madd:

EDITED: I just read your post again. One more safety point. If you do meet another guy, GET HIS LAST NAME right away.

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GeminiV

Oh boy.. sorry to hear about that.. and real has a point.. that was rape none the less!!!... . shut!!!..Dating is hard as it is, and this talk thing it just shouldn't be as complicated.. but I see the points of some stuff I've read.. having the virus just makes you so much more aware of what you're allowing between your legs.. haaa... its like an imposed screening system.. Smh!!.. its actually a good thing.. I know if I didn't know I got the virus, I woulda probably responded yes to some of those guys looking for the prize.. That has been the way I've tried looking for love...

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Richard Pryor

Maybe you should've told him you had HSV right before he raped you. Might have dissuaded him (did I use that word right?). Fucking asshole.

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RealisticGal
Maybe you should've told him you had HSV right before he raped you. Might have dissuaded him (did I use that word right?). Fucking asshole.

Same thought occurred to me, but it is very hard to think straight in that situation. I mean, there you are...at the physical mercy of someone who could injure or even kill you.

He is doing something that is inconceivable to you --- forcing himself on you physically/sexually. So what's so hard about believing he might even kill you?

I've been there more than once. I've been lucky to have enough presence of mind, as well as the power of persuasive speech, that I was able to talk those guys out of it. But it isn't always possible.

In Misery's case, my second thought was..."What if she had told? He might not have even believed her or cared. Or maybe, if he ended up getting HSV, then he would have a specific person he could blame. Then what would he do? Would he track her down and hurt her more than he already has?" So it would be a tough call, whether or not to tell in hopes of persuading him not to go through with it. That strategy could have backfired.

And I have to say, even though they didn't go all the way through with their intended actions, I was still injured by their intentions and what they did do before I persuaded them to stop. I carry the memories to this day.

For Misery, the scars are much deeper. I feel for you, hon. I feel your pain and rage and despair.

:madd:

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Misery

Thank you for your responses I really appreciate them.

LG919, I guess I could tell a guy right off the bat however this journey hasn't been easy for me. I still have not told anyone about it. So for me its a really huge secret in my life and its not that easy for me to talk about it. After 4 years of knowing one would think I'd be use to it, but I'm not and I don't think I will ever be ...

RealisticGal, I didn't really think of it as rape because yes I ultimately gave in after trying to push him off of me and having him forcibly push back. He also popped the button off of my jeans. I felt helpless. The only thing I could think was what if this man pulls out a knife or a gun or bangs my head against the coffee table. Funny thing is I kept thinking to myself I have H but it never really dawned on me to say it aloud. I think thats because its such a huge confession for me to make. And you're right who knows what could have happened if I did tell it could have worked out or backfired...

Needless to say after that going forward I never went to a guys house. I always met them in a public place and they've all asked me to "hook up"... I'm doing fine and the encounter hasn't affected me much I mean I look back on it and wonder how could I have been so stupid but I can't beat myself up for it. It happened and it was a learning experience and I'm moving forward from it. I just wish I could have a normal dating life where a guy wants to get to know me and not just want to "hook up".

GeminiV yes I am so much more aware of who I sleep with. haha It took having H for me to figure that out ... I was so ignorant before this... I mean completely ignorant you have no idea ...

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wastedhousewife

I have had several friends try to use Match and EHarmony with the same results - a lot of jerks who are just looking for sex and sex only. I am so sorry that you are having to put up with all of this. Please keep yourself safe moving forward! It sucks living in a world where you cannot trust people, but you can't, and I hope that no one ever treats you that way again.

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