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livingstrong16

I met a great guy and don't know how or when to tell him about HSV?

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livingstrong16

i am 20 years old in college i will sum up how i got herpes by saying i got diagnosed 6 months ago with HSV type 1 on my genitals i have not had an outbreak since except right now i am currently having symptoms and a couple lesions which is taking a HUGE emotional toll on me. i hate the guy i dated before this because we were not even official and did not even have intercourse but he passed it to me. i am seeing this new guy right now i met him about 3 weeks ago and he is extremely sweet we connect so well. we have already hooked up to the point of him fingering me. we kiss and i already moved slow before this HSV but now i am worried because i do not want to give him it and he fingered me a day before i noticed the sores. i am worried he caught it or will? also i want advice when to tell him because i want to make sure we can be serious first and he wants to DATE me and get to know him better before i tell him something so personal about me. but i know we are becoming intimate. he would be the first guy to know (besides the guy who gave me it) and i am worried and have been stressing like crazy. i really like this guy and would be so upset if this ruined it for me? please help.

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JBnATL

You need to tell him now. Since your relationship is already turning physical, it is time to tell.

Just casually ask him if he has ever had a cold sore. No one thinks cold sores are bad things and almost everyone has had one. Then tell him you get cold sores but not on your face. Print out this article that talks about transmission rates, and then tell him since you have hsv1 genital the transmission rates are even less than this:

www.hsvblog.org/herpes-simplex-virus-hsv-101

hsv1 does not like to be genital and the chances of you passing it along via intercourse are very remote.

Come to the "Chat Room", there you will find many nice fellow Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!

JB

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RealisticGal
i want advice when to tell him because i want to make sure we can be serious first and he wants to DATE me and get to know him better before i tell him something so personal about me. but i know we are becoming intimate. he would be the first guy to know (besides the guy who gave me it) and i am worried and have been stressing like crazy. i really like this guy and would be so upset if this ruined it for me? please help.

livingstrong16, I would like to suggest you read what you wrote here and give this some clear thought. Try to read it from an objective point of view, as though you were reading someone else's words rather than your own.

First, this person said that she is trying to figure out when to tell this guy. She says she doesn't want to tell until she is able to "make sure we can be serious." She also talks about getting to know him better before she will "tell him something so personal about me."

Gosh...how about if she were get to know him better and see if they can be serious before getting physically intimate with him?

Seriously, does physical intimacy really mean that little to her?

She is also worried that telling this guy she has HSV would "ruin this for me." It would be much more likely that not telling would ruin things. (And may I point out...wow...how selfish that sounds!)

Finding out a potential partner has HSV may throw a person for a loop for a moment, but many will take the time to learn more and understand it.

However, most folks would be far more thrown to find out they were not given that information until after being intimate.

It is much more likely for a person to be upset by a breech of trust, a lack of honesty, having their own right to choose taken away from them...than they would be about learning that someone they are interested in has HSV.

So what do you think?

Doesn't it seem this girl is already a little bit overdue on telling?

Don't you think she shouldn't wait any longer?

Yes, she should tell him now, before they "hook up" again in any way.

The right time to tell is anytime before becoming intimate --- that's my motto. Go with that and you will never have to worry that you did wrong.

:wavey:

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faith18

Hi,

Well this is not a reply to the 20 year old. It's for me I am 40, I recently started dating again after a brief hiatus and the guy is nice. We have briefly talked about sex but not with each other just about preferences because he is in the dept of seeking a wife/soul mate and I am seeking a husband /soul mate. My problem is how would I go about telling him. I am intimidated because he is in the military & police officer, the thought of him being a healthy inidividual if that and here I come.

I have learned to accept by situation and I go on with life because I know this will not kill me, it's just these instances when I am trying to develop a relationship....

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