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krazykiwi

sex after diagnosis

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krazykiwi

I've had H for around 6 months... I've been having trouble "having sex" again..... I've had it twice (different guys) I told them both beforehand and they were okay with it, but I wasn't... Both times, all I could think of was STDS...-- a total mood killer. Did any of you guys find it hard to have sex after the diagnosis? How did you guys cope?

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Movingslowly

I can't stand the thought of sex. It literally makes me disgusted. Don't like watching love scenes in the movies. I totally envy anyone who doesn't have to deal with this virus. All I can think about is, "It doesn't matter if I'm not having an outbreak, I can still spread it. So what if he is using a condom, all it takes is direct skin contact to transmit the virus. Is he thinking about too?" Not to forget to mention I've had over 20 outbreaks in a lil over two years making it extremely difficult to want to even lay in the same bed as my fiance. He hasn't been tested yet because of an insurance issue. Soon as he does and if it's negative, I'm telling him to go live his life free of genital herpes. The physical and psychological pain it has caused me gives me severe anxiety thinking I could possibly infect another innocent human. I couldn't imagine him going through what I'm going through. Wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone risk infecting a person I care about more than anyone in this world. To be honest this disease has destroyed me.

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jayne13

hi movingslowly...

i really feel for you, H can affect people in many different ways. I myself don't care unless it gets to the point where i have to tell my next partner and not scare him off! but it kinda seems like your view of it is how people who don't have it, view it. how long have you had it for? have you talked to anyone about it? i try and see it like coldsores - i know people who have these don't care about kissing, so why should it be any different just cause it's in a different part of the body? it's really not a big deal to have it and you sound like you're putting 100 times as much stress on yourself than you need to. i'm not saying this to offend you, just an observer looking in! just thought i'd have a wee say :)

krazykiwi - i haven't had sex with anyone since. had an opportunity to on saturday night but one night stands are out of the question and i'd never risk passing it on to someone, the way i got it! are you from new zealand? thought you might be with the 'kiwi' part of your name :)

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Movingslowly

Maybe having gential herpes wouldnt bother me so much if I wasnt constantly battling with outbreaks. In between outbreaks im always itchy as hell and I have tingling/sharp pains in the region I have my outbreaks. So, maybe this virus is staying active 24/7 or I have a form of neuralgia from this virus. I hate life because of this virus. I often find myself scooting around in my chair to relieve the itchiness or to readjust after the sharp pains shoot through. Its horrible to be this uncomfortable in your own skin. Mentally and physically. . This virus never gives up. Second antiviral treatment and resistence relives.

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Movingslowly

Not to forget to mention the fear of spreading it to another person is more of a nightmare than being diagnosed with herpes. Plus, I have those ugly outbreaks where there are clusters of blisters. Oh....they are so painful. Everyday is pure living hell. I get coldsores but only every few years so that doesnt bother me.

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mwestie

movingslowly :( so sorry to hear you get such severe outbreaks and so often. I bet though that your stress and anxiety is making them come on more frequently and more severe. I know it is probably difficult, but try to find relaxing activities to ease your mind, meditate. Strengthn your immune system. If your immune system is really strong, your outbreaks will come on far less frequently.

I think that is why I have only had 4 outbreaks in almost 5 years. And all the outbreaks I have had (except for the initial one) have been so quick and so minimal, that I almost dont even realize I am having one. I take Lisine sometimes and just regularly boost my immune system with echinachea, probiotics, and getting adequate amounts of vitamins through the food I eat.

For me, it is not a big deal. I have had several sexual partners since I have been infected. I have disclosed to all of them and they have all been fine (though I have been rejected twice after having sex for the first time with a guy who was cool with it beforehand then freaked out about it afterwards) I still enjoy sex and though I do occasionally worry about infecting someone, I know that it is highly unlikely that I will as long as I am using condoms and not having sex when I have an active outbreak. I do always get slight anxiety when I have to tell someone for fear of rejection. To me that is the worst part of having this, having to disclose and possibly being rejected for it. To me that is worse than possibly infecting someone.

So far I have not infected anyone

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The Boss

movingslowly, just as some of other members have mentioned above, you need to take away the attention u r giving to H. chalk out an hour's exercise regime for yourself and follow it diligently. Increase fresh fruits, green veg intake from your present level and follow strictly. If you believe in prayers, do it, and everytime you pray say 'NO MORE OUTBREAKS, NO SPREADING FURTHER'. Slowly you will notice change!!.

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RealisticGal
movingslowly, just as some of other members have mentioned above, you need to take away the attention u r giving to H. chalk out an hour's exercise regime for yourself and follow it diligently. Increase fresh fruits, green veg intake from your present level and follow strictly. If you believe in prayers, do it, and everytime you pray say 'NO MORE OUTBREAKS, NO SPREADING FURTHER'. Slowly you will notice change!!.

Wouldn't praying like that be keeping the focus directly on Herpes? And also, isn't it a negative --- as in "please take away this thing?"

Rather, why not pray for good physical health in general? And make it a positive, as in "bless me with strong immunity and good physical condition."

Of course, that's just if a person prays.

But the same can be said for thought patterns and words in general. Words have power. The way we say and think about things affects us. So if you are constantly saying or thinking words like outbreaks or spreading, you bring that into your life. If you are familiar with the "law of attraction" stuff, this would all make sense. Point is, saying or thinking those herpes-related words keeps the focus on herpes...thus continuing the stress over it.

:wavey:

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The Boss

RealisticGal,

Rotine exercise is paramount!! Once your health improves, your mood too becomes upbeat. Then a thought related to H won't bother you at all. You are recognising its existence but r not worried about it. If u have an OB then, you can deal with it. But an OB popping up in a forgotten state of mind might being back negativity and/or depression.

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RealisticGal
RealisticGal,

Rotine exercise is paramount!! Once your health improves, your mood too becomes upbeat. Then a thought related to H won't bother you at all. You are recognising its existence but r not worried about it. If u have an OB then, you can deal with it. But an OB popping up in a forgotten state of mind might being back negativity and/or depression.

Hi Boss,

Not sure why you were addressing this to me. Maybe you meant to respond to someone else's post?

On the flip, I agree about exercise. Not only is there a direct health improvement which can make us feel better, but also the endorphin rush, stress relief, improved immunity...the whole gamut.

My point, though, was about the wording of prayers or wishes or meditations or thought processes whatever you want to call it. If you use words that include things like "outbreak," and "spreading," you are keeping that focus on the bad stuff. Take that out of the equation.

Cheers!

:wavey:

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