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lelani

Herpes can be a gift...

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lelani

Six weeks ago I never would have thought this virus could be a gift...I was devastated with my diagnosis and couldn't imagine having an intimate relationship ever again. But today I cannot believe how happy I am and how amazed I am how things work out. I was dating a guy when I got the diagnosis and had 'the talk' as we had had sex once...he was wonderful about it and totally supportive but i made the decision to stop sleeping with him as I couldn't bear the thought of passing it on to him. So we went back to being friends and he continues to be a lovely friend. I was so upset...then I had a car crash two weeks later and got whiplash. I had a dance party to go to the next day and decided to take painkillers and go anyway - I wanted to feel normal and happy again. At the party I danced with a guy and we clicked straight away - i was scared to flirt or do anything that would show interest. Despite that he asked for my number in case I was in his town and we could go for a dance...I felt ok about giving my number for that. Then he texted me and we started chatting...he flirted with me and I had to tell him - I didn't want to lead him on. So in a very emotional email (I sobbed the whole way through writing it) I told him everything( I mean what did I have to loose??). He emailed me back to say he appreciated my honesty and integrity and that he understood how hard it was for me to do....because he had it too and contracted it 25 years ago. He gave me his home number if I needed someone to talk to or cry with...so I called to thank him. We talked for hours that night and the next and the next - he came to see me the next weekend and we fell in love. He is the most wonderful man and I cannot believe we met like that. In such a short time we have gone through some intense emotional stuff around this that both of us have been able to heal in each other. He is a wonderful man and we are looking to a future together...neither of us can believe we have found each other. I had a month long first outbreak and he had one this week - and it doesn't matter! I know I am going to marry this man and if I hadn't had herpes (and genital warts -both contracted from men I loved and was committed to) we would not have gotten so close so quick and had to be completely honest with each other. So I look at these things as a gift now...they brought me someone so special. You never know what the universe will bring you...I learned that being honest about my conditions gives the other person the chance to be a better person and for you to have a deeper relationship whether it be as friends or lovers. I hope for everyone they can open up and not be afraid to speak their truth, that is a gift in itself.

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cecil45

I am so happy for you. I think your story should be posted again for more people to see that it isn't the end of the world if you have herpes. It is a good thing that you came clean and I think that herpes has been a blessing for my marriage too. I sincerely hope the best for you two!

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lelani

Thank you cecil...yes I think no matter how hard it is you have to be truthful because that is the only way to be authentic...you can't control how the other person will react and it is not a reflection on you, its their stuff. I was just prepared to let them go before I talked to them...I didnt' want to pass it on so asked for friendship instead. It took the pressure off them and made me feel empowered instead of thinking about being rejected. It still hurt and was incredibly hard but I felt better about myself being honest.

I want to start a support group here in my city to help younger people deal with this. There is nothing here and I want them to know it isn't the end of the world (even though I thought it was too for a time) and it isn't what defines you as a person but something that can enrich your life in terms of character, integrity and closer relationships. I am glad its been a blessing for you too :-)

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The Boss

hi lelani,

i m very happy to know that it ended well. u too showed restraint in not getting close to the guy initially with a noble intent that u did not wish to pass it on to him, great. have a wonderful replationship with your guy, cheers!!

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Movingslowly

Wow...I'm glad you can find that having two STI's is a gift for finding happiness. I couldn't imagine dealing with both STI's. One is more than enough and I have no idea who gave it to me. I obviously contracted the virus from one of my three serious relationships. Best of wishes!

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Adamindful

I'm so happy for you. I can't seem to talk about herpes let alone enjoy myself when I'm out. I had the talk once and it didn't go so well. I just don't go out anymore and thought I would use my computer to find others and found this site. All the best to you.

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