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barelymadeit

Told him, was rejected just like I knew I would be

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barelymadeit

But I told him anyway. Its such a horrible combination of being both happy to have gotten it off my shoulders to tell him, and so, SO devastated for all the reasons I know I dont need to try to explain to all of you who also know. Blah, I have had this over 10 years now, it just doesnt get any easier though :(

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Gruntled

You've heard it before, but I'll say it again: It says negative things about him, not about you. I'm sorry for your rejection though. It hurts.

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Hottfoxxy

Rejection sucks big time,,, I will not judge someone who refuses to take the risk it's their decision it's their health and it's something that they would have to live with for the rests of their lives and rarely who wants to live with this.. No cure, no better meds, no nothing in this life time... Just because a person rejects u because of this shit hole disease does not make them no good or bad for u... They just opted not to be infected and honestly if I had a choice I would choose not to have this..

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HT75

It's so true. The TALK gives you mixed feelings.

I am sure all of us have cried and felt devastated when we told the person we liked about our status. I had been mostly lucky. I had been rejected too and yeh...I do not want to judge anyone for their decission for not to be with me but it hurts only then when the same person were trying his best and doing all the sweet talkings before the TALK and was giving you the idea that you were to die for.....THATS THE ONLY TIME WE ALL HAVE THE RIGHTS TO JUDGE AND CALL THEM IDIOTS!

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Movingslowly

I want to tell everyone there is a good chance for better treatment and possible cure/disabling the virus. In the next 5-10 years there will be relief. If someone rejects you just remember it's their life and their choice. They have the right to a healthy non-STD sexual relationship with someone. I'm infected and if I wasn't I wouldn't risk contracting the virus from anyone especially if they told me. It's the right thing to do is to tell the person. Just when people say this is only a common "skin condition." It's not even considered a skin problem. It's a sexually transmitted disease the affects the nervous system. It alters your life substantially. One of the most important pieces of life is having a wife or husband to share it with. Not to be alone and rejected over a virus, but it's the sad truth. People can't fall in love with who they want to. The virus selects that for you.

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Movingslowly

To be honest who in the right mind wants to date someone with genital herpes??? No offense because I have the crap myself. There are plenty of fish in the sea why settle for one that's infected and can spread the shit to you???

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notagain909
To be honest who in the right mind wants to date someone with genital herpes??? No offense because I have the crap myself. There are plenty of fish in the sea why settle for one that's infected and can spread the shit to you???

Harsh but true.

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Cheri

I honestly do not know why on earth my husband chose to stay with me..I am infected and he isn't....I like to think if it was the other way around i would have chosen to stay with him but honestly? He is a much better person than I am..

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barelymadeit

I hold no bad feelings towards him, he is a good man and I respect his choice. This is not a minor disease for sure. I respect him and that is why I gave him the choice. Like you all, I sure wish I had been given the choice. He was nice about the whole thing. We will remain friends (until that fades out). I dont want to go into details, but there isnt any chance of us being together now. I knew that having this (and hpv) would put a stop to the whole thing, but wanted to make sure that things were going towards a more serious direction (physically) before I disclosed this sensitive info.

I will say, that after I told him, he said he wasnt judging me, and I KNOW hes not, but the rejection feels like being judged. I wanted to snap at him "But you ARE!" but that would have just been me taking my anger and frustrations out on him.

Thanks for sympathizing with me you all. It helps.

Cheri, thats awesome! you are lucky.

Movingslowly I agree completely. If some man told me he had herpes, my first reaction would be 'ew'.

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Cheri

Don't I know it!!! He stood by me and forgave me my affair...and the fact I got HSV2. I think he was more devastated than I was...

I thought he would leave me..especially after we found out I had gh..but he didn't. I am not saying it was a walk in the park, but the important thing he stood by me and loves me still...Otherwise, I think my mental state would be way worse. I am starting to accept that I have Gh...

I want to wish you the best barelymadeit...I know there is a special man waiting for you to come into his life..

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barelymadeit

Wow, thats huge Cheri, that sounds like true love to me!

I have much more that goes with my sexual past, I fear that its all together its too much for any good man to handle. As dumb as it sounds, I just am not sure I could ever respect a man, who could love and respect me fully for who I am.

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Cheri

Its not dumb and you would be surprised to learn that there are men willing to accept us for us..I had three kids by two different men prior to getting married...

Thats huge by itself!!

It's hard to respect the opposite sex when they transmitted an incurable std to us,,but, even though my faith in humanity was shaken quite a bit..I want to believe that there are still people who care..

A day at a time....

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Cheri

Important thing is you gave him a choice. We all didn't have that. So kudos barelymadeit

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HT75
To be honest who in the right mind wants to date someone with genital herpes??? No offense because I have the crap myself. There are plenty of fish in the sea why settle for one that's infected and can spread the shit to you???

Untill Herpes sufferers change this attitude themselves.......no one will stay with them............it is harsh ...it may be true but it is a wrong attitude. Unfortunately it seems to me people with this kind of attitudes are the ones creating the stigma. I suffer too and I feel the pain too. I have painful breakout too and I had been rejected too but Herpes failed to break my Moral or destroy my Attitude towards life (and I have managed to better control my OBs thanks to how I see it is).

Lot of partners come to the site to make honest decissions about their HSV partners, this type of comments will only make their mind freeze and not understand the infection correctly.

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barelymadeit

Yeah, a day at a time. I am just afraid all my good years are going to finish passing by and I will just continue to go to waste like I have been for the last, forever many years. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow.

The fact of life is that generally, people without any diseases are not going to want to be with someone who has 2 diseases they could potentially pass to them. In this situation especially. Long ago I told one other man, who as far as he and I knew was clean, and he was fine with it. Some will be, some wont be. Right now I am sitting at 50/50.

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Hottfoxxy

People here that are hurt, feel dirty, feel unwanted and less deserving are not giving in to the stigma of herpes.. They are giving in to their emotions and feelings which many of those that are infected by h feel.. Herpes make one feel alone and isolated and different from the test that's a givin and ones feeling towards it are just that feeling... Pushing feelings under the rug and acting like they don't exist does not help one in accepting h... Herpes is a hard pill to swallow for many and yes we all have to accept it but it's very discouraging knowing we may possibly see better meds in 5 to 10 yrs wow it's just heartbreaking.. In this day and age u mean to tell me there's no cure no better meds feet the f#%~>k out of here it's all about treating and making money... Painful sores, pain shooting down ur leg, pain in ur butt, hurts to wear clothes or go to the bathroom, expensive meds that make ur damn hair fall out,, holding in this secret that u have herpes because of embarrassment,, I Can go on and on especially passing it on putting someone else through this horror... It is what it is and the truth hurts sometimes.. It's not a simple skin condition it's f<%% king the devil!!!! People have a hard time coping but are not feeding into the stigma,, it's heartache despair, loneliness, embarassment and learning how to carry on in life trying to gain acceptance and love now that u are diseased with no cure in site

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barelymadeit

I completely agree hottfoxxy. Honestly I have been shocked to read some of what I have on here, people thinking its not a big deal and that its a simple skin condition. All I can think is that they are they are asymptomatic, and just cant seem to grasp that its a big damn deal for most of the people who have it.

Anyway, I am feeling much less sad today. At least I am not crying lol.

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RealisticGal
But I told him anyway. Its such a horrible combination of being both happy to have gotten it off my shoulders to tell him, and so, SO devastated for all the reasons I know I dont need to try to explain to all of you who also know. Blah, I have had this over 10 years now, it just doesnt get any easier though :(

So sorry this happened to you. There are many stories here that don't have the same result.

I have to wonder though. You say you were rejected "just like I knew I would be."

Can't help but think that if you believed that, it informed your attitude when telling him. It has been said that those who are told about HSV will typically take their cues about how they should think about it from the way the news is presented. If you went in with that negative attitude, perhaps it spoke volumes to the guy.

On the other hand, perhaps he just decided he didn't want to go there. And that is his right. When we say folks should be given a choice, they must be allowed to make either one.

:wavey:

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RealisticGal
Honestly I have been shocked to read some of what I have on here, people thinking its not a big deal and that its a simple skin condition. All I can think is that they are they are asymptomatic, and just cant seem to grasp that its a big damn deal for most of the people who have it.

Just want to put a bit of perspective on this. I do know that there are those who have a horrible time with HSV, including severe, frequent outbreaks.

However, that does not apply to most of those who have it.

Actually, the majority of those who have HSV do not have major difficulties. It is estimated that 70% or more don't even realize they have it, because they have either very mild (unrecognizable as herpes) symptoms or no symptoms at all. Add to that number those who have a primary outbreak, then never get a single recurrence.

The emotional burden for those who are aware can certainly be heavy, even for those who don't get serious symptoms. But there are many in these forums who profess to be well-adjusted to the situation.

I believe that when it comes to herpes, like so many other things in life, "attitude is everything."

:itsme:

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barelymadeit

Ah, I didnt realize so many didnt have symptoms, those lucky bastards lol. I rarely get outbreaks, but when I do, its terrible.

No I knew it would be the end of things for reasons specific and personal to the situation, that I do not wish to disclose on here. There was of course a small chance that this would not have changed anything, anything is possible really, but I mostly knew it would have this outcome.

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RealisticGal
Ah, I didnt realize so many didnt have symptoms, those lucky bastards lol. I rarely get outbreaks, but when I do, its terrible.

No I knew it would be the end of things for reasons specific and personal to the situation, that I do not wish to disclose on here. There was of course a small chance that this would not have changed anything, anything is possible really, but I mostly knew it would have this outcome.

So sorry to hear you are one of those who get bad outbreaks, barelymadeit. I know some folks have to be hospitalized due to severe symptoms, can't urinate without a catheter due to Elsberg Syndrome, etc.

But truly, they are in the minority. The vast majority of those with herpes simplex are not badly bothered by it physically. That is part of the reason the medical community gives it such little thought.

As far as the specifics of your situation with that guy, well, that's different then. I do like to mention that, though. Hopefully it can help others who need to give the talk, to understand that the way the information is presented can have a big impact on the way it is received.

:pcguru:

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fullofhope27

I too had the talk recently and got a really mixed reaction. Of course, I was crying and terrified so that didnt help, but he seemed to just be in shock. Then we carried on the rest of the evening but before going to bed, he decided to ask me to go home - which i had already told him I would do if that was what he wanted.

That was monday. On tuesday he called and asked me about my meds and if i ever had missed a dose, etc. I reiterated to him that I take it every day, I've only had two outbreaks in my life and the last one was over two years ago and that I have never passed it to anyone. Wednesday I get the "well isnt there a place you can go to find someone who has it" phone call and I immediately went into defense mode. He said he would call me back. Yeah i dont think that is happening.

I put together a list of facts, etc that I wanted to show him because he had no idea how it was spread or anything about it before i told him. We all know there are a lot of stigmas attached to this virus and people often dont even know that they have it.

Here are some of the things on the list:

-Approximately 1 in 5 people have it and up to 90% do not know

-Studies show that transmission rates from a woman to a man while abstaining from contact during signs or symptoms is 4%.

-Studies have shown that transmission rates reduce to about 1% with meds and condom use

-For comparison - you are much more likely to get pregnant on the pill or with condoms than contract HSV2 from me.

True I am one of the people who have no symptoms anymore, but I guess I feel like I am worth the 1% risk. All this rejection just makes me want to give up!

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RealisticGal
I too had the talk recently and got a really mixed reaction. Of course, I was crying and terrified so that didnt help, but he seemed to just be in shock. Then we carried on the rest of the evening but before going to bed, he decided to ask me to go home - which i had already told him I would do if that was what he wanted.

That was monday. On tuesday he called and asked me about my meds and if i ever had missed a dose, etc. I reiterated to him that I take it every day, I've only had two outbreaks in my life and the last one was over two years ago and that I have never passed it to anyone. Wednesday I get the "well isnt there a place you can go to find someone who has it" phone call and I immediately went into defense mode. He said he would call me back. Yeah i dont think that is happening.

Any guy who is essentially saying to you, "Can't you go find some other guy besides me?" is sending a pretty clear message if you ask me.

NEXT!!!!

:burnout:

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HT75

i fully agree wwith realistic girl.

yes! NEXT!

and this guy sounds very insensitive to ask you to go home just you are about to go to bed......he is not worth waiting for.

ALL THE NON HERPES PPL OUT THERE>>>>>>>>>>HERPES IS NOT LIFE THREATENING! I HAVE IT< I DO GET PAINFUL OB WHEN I GET IT>>>>>>>>AND IF YOU EVER HAD URINE INFECTIONS>>>>>>>>IT IS NOT SOMETHING WORSER...painwise!!!

and seriously if ppl thinks i get no major OB to talk like this.......they are wrong. i just have learnt over the years......the only and best treatment to deal with the pain and the OB is to have a possitive mind and serious acceptence of the fact that you got it.

GUYS WHO REJECTS ME JUST FOR HERPES ARE THE GUYS NOT WORTH MY TIME. LIFE IS TOO SHORT.

YOU HAE TOLD HIM........SOMEONE OUT THERE MAY NOT TELL HIM!!!

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