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Intimacy Questions

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Hi Everyone,

I contracted HSV 2 four months ago. I found out through a bloodtest that also showed I had HSV1, but it was not the kind of test that told me when I contracted it, so I feel like its a possibility that I got it as a kid, but let's say I didn't and it is also recent (I know for a fact the genital was from four months ago) So far, no visible or obvious outbreaks, which I feel lucky for but am bracing for the worst-- (some mild discomfort and itching, potentially minor outbreak?)

Anyway, these are personal questions but there's only so much I can read before I just need real answers from real people. I am nowhere near ready 'being' with another guy right away, but I want to be sure of everything. Let's say I do have both HSV 1 and 2. Am I obligated to tell anyone I make out with? (i.e. the risk of passing cold sores? I have kissed two people since then) Also, should I act as though I'm always contagious? I know that there is asymptomatic shedding, but it's tricky because since I don't know that I'm having outbreaks, should I treat it as if I am always contagious? What about my HSV1, if that is active? I don't even mean that from a pure sexual perspective, because I would never think of not using a condom, but even just for my general health knowledge.

Sexually, though-- is everything off limits without protection? Meaning good bye to any sort of intimate touching? Sorry to come off this way, but reading some answers would be appreciated. I am young, got this through a one-time thing have only been with 2 people, one being a longtime boyfriend. I know exactly what I did and how stupid I was, but my inhibititions were lowered and I made a mistake. I'm forgiving myself and learning to live with all this, but I feel like I robbed myself of ever being comfortable sexually, because I was always very guarded. I guess what I mean to say is that I never really wanted to have casual sex, but it happened. While I would love to have a relationship, it feels like I was already too mature and careful before this and wanted to take a risk. Now I feel like I'm robbed of both (having a relationship and being young and reckless)... complicated story and sorry to talk too much. This is all beside the point, I was just hoping there's some way I can still feel young and desirable and become intimate without the risk of passing the virus. Probably stupid.

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Hi there, welcome to the Club! I too have had hsv1 & 2 a very long time. I got a cold sore when I was 17 and never another. I do not disclose before kissing. However I do disclose prior to intercourse. I have given the 'talk' many times and have never been rejected. Since it is the same virus, I just say I get cold sores but not only on my mouth. No one thinks cold sores are bad things and most people get them.

You can do anything you want with this, but just know there will always be a risk of transmission. You can have unprotected sex and not pass it along. I know because I have had a lot of unprotected sex (their choice) and never passed it along. It is all about how much risk you and your partner are willing to take. I take antivirals when I am dating someone because they reduce the risk significantly. Read this article on transmission rates and you will feel a lot better:


Come to the "Chat Room", there you will find many nice fellow Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!


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