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Feeling Shut down and helpless

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I just got Diagnosed today no more then like 12 hours ago. i feel that i lost everything. and about to loose much more. i honestly don't get how to cope with this, it sucks really bad because I've already felt like a loner but with this... that's just.. like how you start a conversation to someone you really love and they they don't see eye to eye with you. or worst there completely chill with the fact you risk doing to them what someone did to you. i honestly don't think i could live knowing i put someone threw this let alone someone i care about. i feel lost, ruined, helpless, and simply not having a soul around to talk to about it without feeling like being judged, disgusted, laughed at.

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I had these exact feelings once. While all of these feelings didn't remain I did let herpes hold me back for EIGHT years! I think about it now and know that was all just a waste of time... honestly that makes me more sick than this skin disease ever has. These feelings you have are completely normal but your life is far from over. This does NOT make you any different than you were before. Its actually not really all that bothersome in day to day life for me or for most people. Most of the time I don't even think about it. I did once though. It'll take some time. But read all the success stories on here. Your in a great place to not feel so alone in this! The only things you lose are the things you CHOOSE to lose. Research it as much as you possibly can. You'll soon realize how small a part this can play in your life!

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i spent most my day researching. ya it not all bad i guess but its a ton of effort tons of changes in my life style to get less outbreaks. and its not jsut with the outbreaks i dont know what is safe and what isnt no more and i could never live with myself if i messed up someone else's life this is the hardest change i've had to go threw and im scared to death about it. i feel confused on what i should do tomorrow. or after that or just period. i don't get any of this yet and i feel like a noob that will mess up.

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Don't expect to learn everything in one day! It will take some time for you to get it all sorted out.

All those lifestyle changes you have read about may not be necessary for you. Some folks continue to eat junk food, drink alcohol, party all night...and find they don't have a lot of outbreaks. Others seem to have a lot of outbreaks (especially soon after they contract HSV) no matter what they do.

You can't predict how it will go for you. You will just have to wait and see.

One thing you do need to know is that there is no such thing as 100% safe sex when it comes to herpes simplex. There is "less risky sex," but no such thing as a zero chance of transmission.

  • Obviously, you will want to avoid contact if you are having an actual outbreak or feeling the symptoms that lead up to an outbreak.
  • The simple act of telling potential partners prior to intimacy actually reduces the chance of transmission, according to the American Social Health Association (and of course, it is the right thing to do anyway).

  • A condom can reduce the chances some, but they only cover a small portion of the skin surface that can shed virus.
  • Using daily antiviral medication such as acyclovir or Valtrex can reduce the chance of transmission by as much as 50% to 80%.
  • Some other supplements and lifestyle changes may also help lessen outbreaks and shedding, thus decreasing the chances of transmission.

But there is nothing that will reduce the chance to 0%. That is why it is necessary to tell potential partners; let them educate themselves about HSV; allow them to make the choice.

As mentioned before, there are a lot of relationship success stories posted here that can inform and inspire you. You should take some time to read them.

You should also take some time for yourself before worrying about jumping into a relationship. Learn more about the ins and outs of HSV. Learn what you need to do to manage it in your specific case. Learn what can be done to lower the chances of transmission. Get comfortable with yourself again. When the time is right, get back into dating. If a person you like proves to be WORTH telling, and you seem to be headed towards intimacy, then you should tell. There is no reason to tell before that, and no reason to tell if you don't yet feel you can trust a person. If you aren't sure about trusting a person yet, you shouldn't be intimate with them yet!

Take your time. Sort it out. Learn more. Ask questions here about specific things you do not understand.

Here's a little article that might help you see that what you are feeling right now is totally normal (but it will get better):

I Was Ashamed of My Herpes Until I Found Out...


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    • North Saranac
      I have not had sexual contact for at least half a year with a partner of more than four years monogamous, one non-protected encounter four years ago different women and then a few more non-protected over ten years ago.   One morning, I woke up after a having bad night time sweats (common) with a bad itch in my pubic region hair on right side about halfway between my penis and belly button. I did not look closely to later that night and noticed a large red rash, but don't believe I looked that closely. At some point I noticed a blister or something and tried to pop it and then walked away, I think being in denial I didn't want to look that closely, so I cant describe symptoms. This was on a Saturday or Sunday. The following Monday I went to work, where I do a physical demanding job al week, I noticed the area that had the rash showed about four areas that were infected (either cut or blistered) and would burn at night time during the week, They were located on my right side, directly where my belt buckle rubs. During the days that work week, my belt buckle would drive and rub in the area ( my buckle is metal square with pointy but not sharpe edges), I tried to pull my pants up and get the belt off the area but that was not always possible. After work that week, I took the weekend and then next two days off of work, the shooting pain evidently stopped and the area after a another week or two looked to be healing.  Week before symptoms: I have been under stress at work and the previous two days before the rash / OB I was working on a boat with another person, we were sharing work equipment and peeing with out washing hands (could he have had it and spread it to me through sharing of phones, equipment if he peed and then touch my phone, then I peed (sorry if stupid question)? My belt could have also been digging into me also, I have been wearing this belt for over a year and never had a problem. Currently, I took a Herpes 1 and 2 test from stdcheck using quest and it came back negative. Symptoms Dec 2/3 test Jan 21, negative results Jan 23. The area in pubic region is still red and appears to be scared but no open sores.   I know it is crazy but with the those symptoms I am still worried. Was that too soon to get a test? Is there any chance of getting if from a co-worker if they have it and touched the same things you did? Would you recommend getting another blood test in 3 months? Thank you for your input.
    • T9000
      Doctors will tell you this, but it's incredibly irresponsible of them, and it's advice that needs to be ignored. You always need to disclose your status before having sex with someone.
    • T9000
      The general public is just really poorly educated when it comes to virology in my opinion. Part of it though is just the fact that there's only so much information a person can remember and care about at one time. However I've always felt like HPV is way more openly discussed than HSV, at least in women's spaces.
    • Forest
      Here is the full science and documentation behind the herpes patent . RNA GUIDED ERADICATION OF HERPES SIMPLEX TYPE I AND OTHER RELATED HERPESVIRUSES   https://patents.justia.com/patent/20180000970   I hope this will help answer your questions.
    • T9000
      The fact that there are so many people contracting hsv-1 genitally from as little as one sexual encounter leads me to believe that it likely more 'tuned' to the genital region than medicine realizes.

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