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prdymomma

He thinks I cheated :(

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prdymomma

I have been with my husband since May 2009. We have been long distance for the majority of our relationship. My husband is in the Army and I had my first outbreak after he was here on leave from deployment. I didn't know it was herpes at the time, because I generally have very sensitive skin that can get very irritated, and seeing as we hadn't been together sexually in about 9 months and then were sexually active every night for three weeks straight I thought it was irritation from activity. My 2nd outbreak was august of this year, which is when I got tested and came back positive for HSV2. I called my husband crying and told him. He went and got tested and was negative for HSV2 but positive for HSV1. At first he was supportive and kept saying we would get through this and how he was there for me and everything would be fine. This past month he started acting weird. Last Tuesday he called me and said that he wants a divorce because he thinks I cheated and that's how I contracted the virus. He says there is no other possibly way that I can have it and he can't, since we've been together for so long. HELP!! I can't find any information or statistics that back me up, but I didn't cheat on him, and I don't want our marriage to end over this!!

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PursuitOfHappiness

Sorry to hear about your marriage. H is difficult to cope with without losing someone you care about because of it. To my understanding, it can take quite awhile for symptoms to show up if at all. The number of people that have H and are undiagnosed is probably pretty high.

I personally don't care to find who gave it to me, but one thing I could suggest you do is try and contact any recent partners before you started seeing your husband. Maybe one of them would admit to being your giver, although you are still faced with the task of proving that was before.

Really wish I could be of more help, but unfortunately it is impossible to find out exactly when you contracted it. Good luck, I'd hate to see your marriage ruined by something as stupid as H.

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query

I agree you could contact prior partners, but some people have it for a long time before syptoms appear, and since regular std testing doesn't include H, its very very possible you had it before. For lots of women its like an irritation on and off and never really a full OB we just think its an annoying yeat infection when its not. He need to get on this site, not even join but for information on H. Good luck I know this is really hard!!!!

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Kitty123
We have been long distance for the majority of our relationship.

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this prdymomma. But without trying to pass ANY judgement whatsoever, this one sentence in your post stuck out at me. Intuition on my part would tell me that perhaps your husband may have cheated and suddenly discovered that 'after a month' of him starting to 'act weird' that perhaps he's the one harboring the secret? And he wants you to feel that it was YOU that cheated??

That's the WORST case scenario.

The other scenario would be that you've had HSV2 from before you met him (again...this is strictly speculative), and didn't recognize your outbreaks as that being HSV. Alot of people in relationships will sometimes come to the conclusion that one partner in the relationship may have cheated, hence is why one partner has HSV1/2. Its NOT ALWAYS the case.

I would examine your situation a bit more carefully. There are endless possibilities. But if you have been having a long distance relationship for the majority of the time you have been together, and if your husband is SO QUICK to assume that you have cheated OUT OF THE BLUE (after being supportive), maybe he's the one that isn't the angel here.

Just my two cents.

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prdymomma

thanks for the support and kind words guys. PursuitofHappiness and Query, I made sure to be tested for EVERYTHING after I was with my ex, seeing as he cheated on me numerous times with numerous different women. I knew they didn't include H test in normal STD testing so I specifically asked for it. This was literally right after we separated though, so I'm not sure if maybe I could have contracted something and it just hadn't shown up yet. The only other partner I had was a one-night-stand shortly after my ex and I split. No way to get a hold of him. I told my now husband about all of this, and he seemed to understand. Kitty123, I too have a suspicion that he has cheated. The last 3 weeks or so he started not answering my calls, his phone would mysteriously "die", she would call me at 8 and say he was going to bed early, etc... then he said he needed time to think about things because he was stressed and didn't want to talk to anyone. He specifically told me that it had nothing to do with me and he just needed time to be alone. After about 2 weeks of this, I started investigating because I didn't know what else to do. I discovered a number he had been talking to late at night for long periods of time, called it and got the vm of another girl. I confronted him, and he at first denied it all together, but eventually I got him to admit that she is just a friend that he was "talking" to... I don't know what to believe anymore. I am just so hurt. I don't understand why he couldn't have just been honest with me. He said he only started talking to other people because I cheated on him first (which I didn't, he's just convinced I have because of the HSV2)... I don't know where to begin, end, or even go with this man anymore. I don't know if I even want to try with him, but I don't believe in divorce either.... everything is just so messed up right now :(

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PursuitOfHappiness

I'm kind of agreeing with Kitty, based on what you've said, it's a possibility he may have. I don't want to start giving out relationship advice though, as I am not one to talk. I've had one girlfriend in my lifetime and have spent the past 5 years single.

To the best of my knowledge, the testing for H is very hit and miss. It is possible to get both false-negative and false-positives.

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lostNmyownworld

I havent been tested but my Dr. diagnosed me with it today. Can they be possitive just by looking? This hurts emotionally and physically. :'(

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Uechiryu

My husband gave it to me long after we had been together. Our doctor explained that he wAs virally shedding and showed no symptoms. I was a virgin before him. He ALS0 tested positive for 1 as most people do. He was not positive for 2 so naturally weboth thought the other one cheated and neither of us did. Our primary care doctor was alot of help. We were both shocked and devastated. You can get through this. Tell him Tjis happens all the time. Send him info from a doctor and have him read these posts. He could have given it to you. My husband was not positive for 2 either and he absolutely gave me herpes! Good Luck

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