Hello! New at this and trying to remain hopeful. . .

[nwisconsin]

Hello everyone! I'm a late '50's woman - my husband died 10 years ago. I was diagnosed earlier this year with H2. I had broken up with an Anesthetist I was dating who was a huge flirt and a cheat. I kept hoping we could make it work. He was up front with me about having H2. I decided he was someone I could see myself with for a LONG time - hopefully forever. 'Forever' turned out to be 1 year and 10 months. Too bad his true nature hadn't emerged at that point. Obviously I was just his 'good enough for the moment' woman. We used condoms when he had an outbreak and I never had a symptom. Still haven't.

After the breakup I found I could have a blood test to know for sure if I had it. Didn't want to start dating - even just as casual friends - without being absolutely sure one way or the other. Ignorance is NOT bliss!

I tested positive for H2 and my H1 results were unclear.

I've dated a few times since then. Only had to get into 'the talk' twice. The first guy also had H2!!! He turned out not to be someone I could respect or consider a physical relationship with however. The other had such potential. I'd only 'met' him a few weeks ago, but my husband had actually met him at a seminar many years ago and later we ran into him and we met briefly then. 12 years later - just a few weeks ago - we met again it it seemed destined! It was wonderful! Anyway, long story short. I told him last weekend about the H2+ test results. We went back and forth. He pondered, did some research and then I didn't hear from him for a day or so. Then last night he called and came over to talk and told me he had to back out of our relationship. Just couldn't do it.

I totally understand but am feeling completely rejected. How do all of you handle this? I agree that H is a great filter. To know for sure the person is really into you and not just looking for a convenient bed partner. Has anyone else noticed that women seem way more able to make this leap than men? My ex has been with 6 or 7 women since he found out he was H2+ and nobody's rejected him when they were told!

However, I keep feeling guilty even thinking I should continue to try to date in the hope of finding someone who might be okay with this. It's so traumatic for someone to get to a point where they can see themselves actually, physically with a person only to have this bomb dropped on them! I've been in very few relationships in my entire life. I met my husband at 15 and he was my one and only until his death. I know that I'm a person who could live alone for the rest of my life - but that would NOT be my preference. Does anyone have any positive experience in this area. I feel really sad, stuck and just unworthy of trying. It doesn't seem fair to pull another person into this type of drama only to have it all fall apart once again. Thanks so much in advance for your time and thoughts

[pookieface]

I guess first I should say that I'm 19 and was just diagnosed with HSV2. I am currently in a relationship and while in this relationship was diagnosed and had to come clean with this person when I found out I was infected. he was tested and was negative. I feel so odd about this situation, and just like you feel, I feel rejected. I mean, I'm very happy that he doesn't have to deal with what I have to deal with and have outbreaks and deal with HSV2. However on that note, our sex life is totally changing, we're going to have to use condoms now, and it's just hard to accept. I want to keep him healthy and would not want to pass this on to him. But is it wrong for me to feel rejected? We haven't actually had sex since I was diagnosed, which was about three weeks ago. I feel like now that he's in the clear that he doesn't want to be intimate with me...and it really does hurt.

It does seem like women are more able to accept this than men are. I don't know if it plays into that age old sterotype that it's ok for men to have many sex partners but not ok for women. I know that if he would have come to me and told me that he had HSV2 that I wouldn't be worried about it. I'd accept it and we'd deal with it, but I wouldn't reject him for it.

I honestly feel like I'll never have a good relationship accompanied by a fulfilling sex life. I just don't know what to do.

I don't know if anything I've said helps you, but I feel like I might be sort of in the same boat you are. You're certainly not alone in this! I think we can all help each other sort through this and regain our self confidence and self worth.

[nwisconsin]

Hey Pookie,

I think I sent you a personal message, but just in case I didn't, I want to thank you for your time and thoughts.

This is definitely a change for all of us in what we thought would be happening in our lives right now. Who ever thinks, well, maybe if I'm lucky I'll catch the big H some day?

But. . .we have to accept that there are always consequences to our actions!

I'm happy to report that the guy who was blown away by my news and I are back in communication. Going very slow this time and just wading through all of this. It may or may not work - the jury's still out

Wow, going through all this at only 19. I think I'm way luckier to have caught it in my mid-late '50's. H is a hormone driven virus. Supposedly a LOT worse when you're younger. I have a medical person I've talked to about this a lot. She also has it. Picked it up in the late '60's. She and her husband both have it. Had quite a few outbreaks in the past and almost none now. Anyway, thanks for caring Pookie. Let me know if you ever just need to talk or bounce an idea off someone

[pookieface]

nwisconsin,

Yes you did send me a message and I do believe I sent you one back.

I hate to admit it but I really had the mindset that nothing like this could happen to me, and lo and behold, it did! Some days I'm really down and out about all of this, and then there are some days when I look at it as a blessing. It's keeping me from engaging in a risky lifestyle and in a way it will filter out the shallow men from the wonderful men.

I'd say that you are luckier for having gotten this at a later age. I still have to work my way through my entire life carrying this "burden" You are also very lucky that you don't experience symptoms. I know that personally my first outbreak was so painful that I could barely sit or walk, going to the bathroom and wearing pants was torture. Luckily that was the worst one, but still, it was terrible. I've been taking antiviral medication and a few dietary supplements and to be quite honest I've noticed an improvement. I honestly would have a little bit of an outbreak it seemed like every few days. Now that I've started the other supplements I've really healed quickly and nothing is coming back right now.

I'm happy that you are communicating with that guy. I think if you give it time things may work for the two of you. Just keep a positive attitude. Thank you so much for all of your kinds words. It was much needed.