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Hello! I'm new to this and need some input. . .

nwisconsin

By nwisconsin
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nwisconsin Honeycomb Member

nwisconsin

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Hello everyone! I'm a late '50's woman - my husband died 10 years ago. I was diagnosed earlier this year with H2. I had broken up with an Anesthetist I was dating who was a huge flirt and a cheat. I kept hoping we could make it work. He was up front with me about having H2. I decided he was someone I could see myself with for a LONG time - hopefully forever. 'Forever' turned out to be 1 year and 10 months. Too bad his true nature hadn't emerged at that point. Obviously I was just his 'good enough for the moment' woman. We used condoms when he had an outbreak and I never had a symptom. Still haven't.

After the breakup I found I could have a blood test to know for sure if I had it. Didn't want to start dating - even just as casual friends - without being absolutely sure one way or the other. Ignorance is NOT bliss!

I tested positive for H2 and my H1 results were unclear.

I've dated a few times since then. Only had to get into 'the talk' twice. The first guy also had H2!!! He turned out not to be someone I could respect or consider a physical relationship with however. The other had such potential. I'd only 'met' him a few weeks ago, but my husband had actually met him at a seminar many years ago and later we ran into him and we met briefly then. 12 years later - just a few weeks ago - we met again it it seemed destined! It was wonderful! Anyway, long story short. I told him last weekend about the H2+ test results. We went back and forth. He pondered, did some research and then I didn't hear from him for a day or so. Then last night he called and came over to talk and told me he had to back out of our relationship. Just couldn't do it.

I totally understand but am feeling completely rejected. How do all of you handle this? I agree that H is a great filter. To know for sure the person is really into you and not just looking for a convenient bed partner. Has anyone else noticed that women seem way more able to make this leap than men? My ex has been with 6 or 7 women since he found out he was H2+ and nobody's rejected him when they were told!

However, I keep feeling guilty even thinking I should continue to try to date in the hope of finding someone who might be okay with this. It's so traumatic for someone to get to a point where they can see themselves actually, physically with a person only to have this bomb dropped on them! I've been in very few relationships in my entire life. I met my husband at 15 and he was my one and only until his death. I know that I'm a person who could live alone for the rest of my life - but that would NOT be my preference. Does anyone have any positive experience in this area. I feel really sad, stuck and just unworthy of trying. It doesn't seem fair to pull another person into this type of drama only to have it all fall apart once again. Thanks so much in advance for your time and thoughts :)

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