I think i may have found my soul partner ..but

[CaptainKarma]

Hello ,

I have just been going out with this wonderful girl, whose in the prime of her life ( 25 year old). She is also a nurse by the way. I'm 34 ..

We have hit it off pretty well and she told me that she's in love with me.I've also told her likewise . I'm just so madly in love with her , that the idea of passing my HSV 1 & 2 on to her aches my heart .

We havent done anything physically just yet ( petting or sex ) , but she keeps wanting to initiate everytime we are together. ( I'm afraid that she might just catch me off guard and kiss me ....! ). I dont wanna take any risk.

I'm going to tell her real soon .... More for the fact that i dont want her to lose ground on another prospective relationship , because she deserves better.

Can anyone chime in on how i can go about telling her ? Any advice would be appreciatted. Here are some of my doubts :

1 ) Do i tell her how i got it ? Which was through a one night stand .. Or do i just leave this out ?

2 ) I know she;s a nurse and all .... but what are some of effective material out there that i can pass to her to get her educated. ( eg ...booklet that addresses all concerns from a woman;s perspective...specially pregnancy....etc)

3 ) Also .... i know this sounds funny .. but the word HERPES is a real put off and i would much rather use another technical tem for it .... So would telling her that i have Coldsores suffice.

Thanks in advance and i'm really glad there's this forum.

Warmest regards,

Cap'n

[Lookin4Sun]

Post subject: I think i may have found my soul partner ..but

First off, I applaud you for being upfront with her and deciding to tell her. I have some friends who choose not to just because they don't think their partner needs to know.

I think the important thing is to let her know that it is because you care so much about her that you want her to know everything about you. I would go ahead and use the term Herpes though because otherwise she might be confused at what exactly you are telling her.

Also, just because she's a nurse doesn't mean she has all the facts about herpes. I work in biotech and am very educated but it wasn't until now that I actually did the research and am learning more about the virus. Up until now, I was as ignorant as the next person. I think the key will be to explain you want to be honest with her. Tell her how you got it only if she asks, but you could just say "about a year ago I was infected with the virus" or something like that. Give her some information and allow her time to do her own research (which I assume she will want to do since she cares about you) and just be as open as you can.

From the research I have done, the risk of something happening to a baby during childbirth from a mother who has herpes is very small...I think I even read only 3% which means 97% are perfectly healthy. The key is being open with the doctor and making them aware of any potential issues.

I am new at all of this as I just found out I have herpes this week. I don't have the test results back yet, but I have all the classic symptoms and as a precautionary measure my doc gave me Valtrex for my outbreak and it has done wonders with making it go away quickly. I wouldn't think Valtrex would work if it wasn't the virus.

I cannot speak for all women, but if I were in love with someone and they happened to have herpes, I would still want to be with them and just take whatever precautions necessary at that point to prevent spreading. It would not be a deal breaker for me. If someone really cares about you they will stick with you regardless of having herpes. I know it's easy to say (I am dealing with the fear of rejection from this now as well) but I have to keep telling myself that fact and stay positive. From what you describe of your relationship, I think the talk will go better than you think.

[Ilovemyjob]

CaptainKarma keep us posted!

[CaptainKarma]

Hey there....

Looking 4 Sun ....Thanks for the advice ...Really helped a lot.... i guess i'm trying to visualize the whole conversation taking place and i'm trying to anticipate the reaction right after i tell her .

I'm planning on telling her this weekend .

What if there is this awkward silence right after i tell her ? What do i do ?

For one it could be interpreted as shock . How do i reassure her about how manageable this is ? Or i don't..and let it digest ?

Can anyone also help me out with a nutshell description of what this is about and how it CAN BE managed ? I am capable of coming up with it on my own , but i just can't think straight right now .

Thanks again for all your help ... I love this forum.

Warmest Regards ,

Cap'n

[Lookin4Sun]

Hey again CaptainKarma,

I actually would expect that there is a little silence after you tell her. She will definitely need a moment to digest the information. I wouldn't take the silence as a negative but rather a natural reaction.

Let her know you are well informed and know a lot about the virus and tell her you want to answer any questions she has and be very open with your answers. While she will probably ask you a lot of questions, expect that she may want to do her own research. I know that I like to find out a lot of information about things from different sources before making decisions. Being in the health field, she may feel the same way.

I hope this helps. Good luck with your talk and feel free to shoot me a message anytime to vent or whatever you need.

Lookin4Sun

[Ilovemyjob]

Captain

Remain clam and tell her as much as you know. Try not to use a lot of technical words even given her medical background. I work in health care and take care of patients, and I honestly didn't know anyhting about herpes, just that I thought I was never going to get it. If she asks about how you got it, its up to you on if you want to tell her, but honesty is always nice.

Inform her that there are so many websites out there that give great information.

If she really cares about you, she will give the relationship a chance. She probably will be very hesitant, like we all were when we found out about our disease. I thought that it is a "slutty persons" disease. I spent days on the internet and found much information.

Hope it goes well! I will be thinking of you on the weekend. Good Luck Capt'n

[CaptainKarma]

Hey there guys!

They say love conquers all ! ...but i never imagined it like this ! We spent Saturday night until 5 am necking would you believe haha !? Came home had a shower and left to spend my Sunday with my uncle , who had just lost his wife a month ago . That's why i didn;t have time to write !

Would you believe i had written out what i was going to say to her and was like rehearsing it en route to meeting her! Everybody in the train was looking at me like i was some kid training for a spelling bee

I dont know how i managed to pluck up enough courage to tell her ...but i did. I guess it was her prompting me to come out with it ! Just as you had said.. she was very receptive . Then she moved a little closer to me and sort of nudged me and said thanks for telling her.... I kept telling her to go and check it out and read up on it as much as she could . For a moment...she got cross and told me :" Hello? I work in healhcare , dont you think i'd know !....and even if i didnt , i would know where to look ? !"

.....then all hell broke loose ...

We were at it like the rabbits ! ! haha !

Boy ....it felt like when i was in high school and i had my first kiss and even at 5 am ... .i was like pretty exhausted from just sitting down for the last 4-5 hrs without a back rest !and when i told her that we ought to make a move ( cause she was going to work in another 5 hours ) ..she was hesistant....she just wanted to be held and spoken to.

I hope this will be a testament to those who have H and are wondering about the acceptance bit. I guess that at the end of the day ...love will prevail.

Warmest Regards,

Cap'n

[ouch]

Thanks for the awesome post. This is great. I think it is SO important for people to see that you CAN have relationships and people are NOT going to always reject you simply because you have herpes. I find that most people are pretty cool about the subject. People who aren't, well...usually that is due to ignorance and fear. You can't be mad at someone for being afraid of herpes, that is their right...think how WE would have felt/reacted when we didn't have the virus. BUT I think people like this are becoming more in the minority.

This was a heartwarming, wonderful post and I am happy for you that you might be with "the one" AND that you had a wonderful night of nookie! yay! YAY FOR CAP'N!!!

Congrats on the new relationship! I hope things work out fantastic!

[Ilovemyjob]

I am so happy for you Captain!

Congratulations.

I am proud of you for telling her, and yay....! She was understanding about it.

This gives us hope, to know that its not as hard as it seems.

[Justice]

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It gives me and others hope that there is still life for us out there dispite this stupid virus. I wish the two of you the best of love and luck!!

Blessings,

~ ~Justice