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My boyfriend just broke the news...


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Hello All,

You will have to excuse me I am a little new to the whole discussion board thing.

The reason for my post is because my boyfriend of 7months just told me that he has Herpes. I have known him for 6 years and we have been best friends ever since. We have been sexually active (of course with the use of condoms), however have had oral sex as well with no protection. He is my first sexual partner and I am completely scared.

We have talked about marriage and kids and the whole bit, but now I am wondering how all of that will work. Of course when he told me I explained that it did not change how I felt about him, and I told him that nothing would change. I also told him that I just needed some time to do some research and just be okay with it.

Any information that you can give me would be great. I don't want to get this disease, however I can't imagine spending my life without him. Any advice?


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Well there are some excellent resources on the web that should educate you about the virus (wikipedia, National institute of health, this website!)

The important part to ask is why did he wait till now to tell you about it? Did he not know he was infected? Keeping something like this from you is sorta a butthead thing to do. Regardless Really this isn't a disease that should cause you to rethink your feelings for someone. If you have any specific questions just fire away someone will answer them.

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From what he has told me he was scared to tell me, he said he didn't quite know the right way to tell me. I think that excuse is crap but what is done is done. I was very hurt, because like I said we have been friends for so long and I thought he told me everything. He has known for a few years that he was infected.

I am 27 years old, and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but there are so many things going through my head. I am not rethinking my feelings for him, I know I love him and we will work through this.

A few questions...

1. He is currently taking Valtrex for outbreaks only. I have read that there is a daily pill that he could be taking as well. If I am correct in my findings, that pill will help the probability of him not infecting me. Is that correct?

2. From the information on the web, condoms alone are not 100% in protecting me against contracting the disease. Is there anything else that can help in this matter?

3. I want to have children very bad...how does this work with him having this?

I guess I just need somebody to tell me this is not the end of the world, one hand I am completely happy being with him, on the other im worried about my own health.

Thanks for listening.

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Well, first off and most importantly (I am not a doctor).

But I can tell you to the best of my knowledge that HSV does not effect sperm in anyway. There is unforunately no 100% safe method, But usually if someone is going to get infected by HSV when using a condom it's because the outbreak isn't cover by it or the outbreak is from a different part of the body (I.E. Mouth).

As for medication, Valtrex can be taken more often but I have heard that it's better to just take it when you think your going to have a outbreak and it is more effective. The only supplement I would recommand off hand is Lysine which should help prevent outbreaks. (will have to look up some official studies to see how much it really helps)

And finally, It's not the end of the world, herpies is not a life threatening disease and only in a very very very very small amount of cases does it ever cause anything serious. (can I emphasis small enough)

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I take valtrex every day to help reduce my number of outbreaks and in doing that it also helps to keep from spreading the virus when there isn't an outbreak. I've never heard that it's better to just take it when you feel an outbreak coming on...I'll have to look into that because if that's the case, I might rethink that.

Yes, lysine is good. I read in a natural remedies book that taking 2000mg of Vitamin C twice daily, 1 gram of citurs bioflavoniods once daily, and 500 mg Lysine once daily helps. I do that as well as take valtrex and I can honestly say that I feel good since I've been doing it.

I'm not a doctor of course, but this is what works for me. :)

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I've been married 15 yrs and my husband and I both have it (who knows, I'm sure I had it before and didn't know it).

Anyways, we were both using valtrex just during outbreaks, I just recently found out I could take it daily (nice dr's update us on stuff like this), so I'm now on daily valtrex. My husband is not.

We have sex (no condoms), but do not mess around if either of us feels an outbreak coming on. I think our outbreaks are minor compared to some stuff I've read online, we only get a single blister at a time and sometimes go months with nothing.

In regards to getting pg, I was sore free my entire pg UNTIL the week they wanted to induce me (at a week past due), then I got a sore. If you go into labor and have an active sore they will make you have a c-sect. My gyno held off on inducing me for about a week so I could clear up. I delivered with no problem.

Its not that big of a deal if your in a monogamous relationship and you both know about it, etc. I think its a much bigger issue for single people out there dating and trying to deal with it.

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yea the pictures online are there as reference and are usually taken from people who have a suppressed Immune system. So obivously they are going to look well really crappy! Most people have the situation that you talk of small patchs of outbreak not large one taking up large regions!

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  • 4 months later...

I caught it from my wife, but she told me 3 years earlier she had it. I was of the opinion if this is someone I want to spend my life with, I can live with an occasional OB.

The downside is, now I'm getting divorced. While noone ever plans to get divorced when they get married, it's just one more complicating factor to have to live with. It's not the end of the world, but it has caused some relationships to terminate, possibly prematurely.

If you really believe this shouldn't impact your relationship, there are options. I've even heard from some doctors (though you should check with your own) that if YOU take Valtrex, it's one more form of protection you can employ to minimize your risk of infection.

I'd say, do all of the above. None are completely fail-safe, but many are better than few. And, if your doctor agrees with my statement above, it's not a big deal (though it is a big pill).

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