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just found out


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That the woman I've been dating for 2-3 months has herpes. She told me not up front, but after we've had sex several dozen times. I revealed a lot to her up front about myself before we got in too deeply in the relationship, and can't help but think she purposely waited until we were pretty deep to tell me, knowing that I might not have proceeded had I known in the beginning.

The thing that scares me is that we had unprotected sex twice before she felt the need to tell me. My attitude might be a bit more understanding had she just said she wasn't comfortable without a condom - even if she was not ready to tell me. The fact that she initiated sex when there were no condoms available, and allowed me a second time without saying anything except "I am not on birth control of any sort" is beyond forgiveness.

Now, she tells me she caught it 20 years ago, has not had an outbreak in years and takes valtrex "so you can't get it". She also told me her ex-husbad and another long term guy never caught it - not that I really can believe anything she tells me.

So what are my risks?

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Wow. I think it was crappy on her part NOT to tell you, AND to have unprotected sex with you.

I can understand had she had sex once in the 'heat of the moment', many of us here are guilty of this (myself included!!! :oops: ) but I made sure to tell my mate ASAP!

But I think it is a shame on her part for not telling you after the first or second time together AND to have unprotected sex to boot. I dont' blame you for now having trust issues with her, especially since you divulged your own personal things to her, and it was not reciprocated.

First, while herpes is attainable at ANY TIME (meaning, even if there is no outbreak, you CAN get it.) there are many couples who have one person with herpes, the other without, they have sex alot, and the non H person doesn't contract it. Rule of thumb is to NOT have sex during an outbreak, and if she experiences "prodomme" symptoms. (a tingling sensation many of us get prior to the outbreak.) Hopefully, after 20 years of having herpes, she knows those signs.

And that is a good thing too, she has had herpes for so long, chances are her body has built up antibodies TO the virus, so hopefully, she is not shedding the virus as frequently as someone new to it, thus, less likely to pass it on.

Studies say Valtrex help in preventing the transmission of herpes, but it is NOT foolproof. PEople HAVE CONTRACTED HERPES FROM A PARTNER WHO TAKES VALTREX. It is merely one more tool to help preventing transmission (along with condoms) but not a 100% guarantee.

So....just keep an eye on things, but don't let it worry you so much you start imagining things too. I dont know how things are going to work out with you two, that is up to you. It is not good to start off a relationship where the trust has already been challenged. Ultimately, you got to figure out if this woman is truly the "one" for you, herpes or no herpes. (pretend that she lied about something else in her life, and could you live with THAT. That might help.) It is unfortunate that, for whatever the reasons are, people do not tell prospective partners. THIS is why herpes is spreading so rapidly.

I wish you good luck and good health as well. Stay strong and I hope everything turns out fine for YOU. :D

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