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So much confusion.


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Hello everyone.

I have had the virus for almost two years now and I have been facing many emotional setbacks because of it.

I was waiting until marriage because of the way I was raised. It was never something I felt very strongly about, but not knowing any other way I stuck with what was comfortable to me. By the time I was 20 years old I had met a man who I trusted and I thought it wouldn't be a sin to lose my virginity to him. As soon as I did I found out he gave me genital herpes. Ever since then I can't help but feel like it was a punishment I got for not keeping the faith. I've seen a therapist about it and for some reason I can't seem to shake this guilt and resentment.

I'm mad at myself and mad at my boyfriend, who I've stayed with for the past two years. The resentment is starting to take a toll on our relationship. I feel like I'm beginning to be bitter towards everything and everyone for being happier than me. I want to feel beautiful again, and I want to be able to not feel guilty and to forgive myself and my boyfriend for this entire situation.

I've also completely abandoned my religion as a result of this. I haven't been to church in two years, and I've been incapable of forming new relationships with people. Does anyone have any advice on how to look at things more positively, or perhaps just ho to forgive and get rid of the guilt?

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Herpes is only a virus, nothing more. It is a very common and mostly harmless virus. Had you ever had mono, chicken pox or a cold sore? If so you already had herpes. 80% of adults have herpes in one form or another. It has been around for thousands of years, and it is not a curse from God.

Many people have told me that getting herpes changed their lives for the better. I have had it a very long time and have lived a completely normal life.

Did you know there is a support group in Philly? Here is a link to it:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PhiladelphiaFriendsSupport/

Come to the "Chat Room", there you will find many nice fellow Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!

JB

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Hello everyone.

I have had the virus for almost two years now and I have been facing many emotional setbacks because of it.

I was waiting until marriage because of the way I was raised. It was never something I felt very strongly about, but not knowing any other way I stuck with what was comfortable to me. By the time I was 20 years old I had met a man who I trusted and I thought it wouldn't be a sin to lose my virginity to him. As soon as I did I found out he gave me genital herpes. Ever since then I can't help but feel like it was a punishment I got for not keeping the faith. I've seen a therapist about it and for some reason I can't seem to shake this guilt and resentment.

I'm mad at myself and mad at my boyfriend, who I've stayed with for the past two years. The resentment is starting to take a toll on our relationship. I feel like I'm beginning to be bitter towards everything and everyone for being happier than me. I want to feel beautiful again, and I want to be able to not feel guilty and to forgive myself and my boyfriend for this entire situation.

I've also completely abandoned my religion as a result of this. I haven't been to church in two years, and I've been incapable of forming new relationships with people. Does anyone have any advice on how to look at things more positively, or perhaps just ho to forgive and get rid of the guilt?

In life ---- whether we realize it or not--- we create our own reality. Decide that your future "reality" will be better -- the alternative --- looking back----won't be pleasant. You've punished yourself long enough. Start living before you regret you didn't live enough. You will have to work on being better to yourself. You might want to consider a few therapy sessions just to learn the process.

Really -- regret does not get you anywhere. Believe that you are the wonderful person that you are.

Take care

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I really don't believe that we are born with our lives 'planned out' for us. If we were, I think we'd have some clue as what the plan was so we could follow it, instead of fumbling through life like blind mice, the way we do most of the time. I do, however, think we have a moral and spiritual obligation, to ourselves and to whatever higher power there may be, to live up to our potential as human beings.

We make decisions based on the information we have at hand, which is rarely complete and accurate. We can't see what lies below the surface, or what the consequences may be if the information we're basing our decision on is wrong. We make our best guess, and we take the chance that we're not screwing up. Sometimes we all do, though. It's unavoidable. Every decision we make, no matter how inconsequential or monumental, involves some sort of risk. That's how it works, and sometimes the consequences of our mistakes seem pretty tough to swallow.

Regret is a natural response when you've made an error in judgement, and you're faced with dealing with the consequences. "if only I'd done this, or not done that..." But, you have to remember that you made the decision in good faith that you were doing the right thing. You didn't set out to make a mistake or cause yourself grief. Based on the information you had (your perception of the relationship), you made, what seemed at the time, a logical decision to take the relationship to a higher level. If you didn't know what the consequences would be, if you were sent back in time, you would probably make the same decision again, because, at the time, it seemed like the right one. So, there's nothing to regret.

Regret over something that can't be changed is wasted. If you want to regret anything, regret that you've allowed this to make you miserable for two years without taking the actions you need to take to make your life better. Regret that you've wasted two years feeling guilty and angry, and yet did nothing to improve the situation. Then stop regretting, and do something.

Go back to church. It will give you solace. Seek out forgiveness for yourself, and then forgive your boyfriend, as well. Forgiving him (and I mean sincerely forgiving him) will go a long way in your own healing.

Take a good look at your life and decide whether you're really where you want to be... physically, emotionally and spiritually. If you're not, decide what steps you need to take to get to that place... and then start doing whatever you need to do to get there. Map it out. Set a goal. Be true to yourself, and live up to your human potential to the best of your ability. That's the best any of us can do... mistakes included.

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