Jump to content

new b/f just told me he has herpes, I dont.

confused2

By confused2
in Disclosure (telling)

 Share

Recommended Posts

confused2 Newbie

confused2

Posted
Posted

Hi,

Im new here. I have been dating a guy for about a week now. we had sex once. We used condoms. He told me today that he has had herpes for 25 yrs. were both older, in our 40's. Im upset that he didnt tell me before we had sex the first time. I like him, he likes me. I like being with him and spending time with him and I want a sexual relationship with him but Im afraid that Ill get herpes and I dont want it. If we practice safe sex, use condoms, avoid sex during outbreaks etc... what are my chances that I might get it? I like him but Im not sure I see a longterm future with him and I dont want to end up with herpes. Alot of people have it and live normal lives with it. If you were me, what would you do? End it now before it really starts or just practice safe sex and hope I dont get it? Would you have sex with someone who told you that they have herpes? Even if you dont see a long term commitment with this person? I just need some advice here. Thanks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
WaxedWrong Acknowledged Support Member

WaxedWrong

Posted
Posted

well ur chances are like 100% cause condoms dont protect u from herpes - sorry to let u down, and a person w/ herpes can spread the virus anytime of the day- any day of the year- not just before/during/after a outbreak.

well the fact that u have been dating someone 1 week> and went to bed with them> and he couldnt tell u before hand> i just dont see it working out anyway. to many issues

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Lookin4Sun Honeycomb Member

Lookin4Sun

Posted
Posted

I don't know that I agree that your chances are 100%. I agree that there are no guanantees here and condoms aren't as effective as once thought. However, there are many couples who practice safe sex and don't have sex during an outbreak and the non H person never gets it. That said, there is also the chance that you can still get it with a condom since there are still parts of the body that come into contact that aren't covered by the condom. The bottom line is whatever the percentage, you are taking a risk. Now , whether or not you want to take that risk with this person is up to you and how you feel about him. The fact that he didn't tell you before having sex the first time is definitely a red flag. He really should have respected you enough to tell you first. But people make mistakes and if you really like him then maybe keep dating without having sex and see if you think it is worth it to stick around.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
tohealth Acknowledged Support Member

tohealth

Posted
Posted

Yeah, I think WaxedWrong has the right 'concern'. Plus I think if you are having sex with somebody (even with condoms) after dating for a week, it suggests that sex for you is a casual event anyway. If that's the case, the guy you're with is a step above average for telling you and may be a better deal than some others out there you would leave him for (if in fact you are even "with" him). I always ask, "who would you find better?" Are you going to insist that the next person be tested? That's the only way to actually "know" and even then, a negative test doesn't mean they don't have it, or even if they don't have it at the time they are tested, they could acquire it by the time the test results come back. These are details but they're real. I guess I'm saying unless you're marrying somebody tomorrow and/or are celibate, it's all Russian Roulette anyway, and particularly for one who practices something akin to casual sex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
gsciar Honeycomb Member

gsciar

Posted
Posted

First things first, go and get a blood specific test to make sure you're not an asymptomatic carrier to begin with. When clinics test for "everything" herpes is one of the big tests that are left out so you need to ask for a blood test specifically. If you don't see yourself dating him in the long term why are you in the first place? If it's just casual sex you're looking for and you don't want to get infected you'll need to look elsewhere. But, if you can handle it, just hold off on the sex for awhile because you don't really know what could become with it. This guy could potentially be someone that you could spend the rest of your life with if you just give him the chance. Try not to let herpes stop you from trying a relationship with the guy, it's not really that bad it's just the emotional thing that's the worst. Trust me, if he told you even after having sex with you once he just slipped and he didn't mean to. I speak from personal experience when I slipped up after having sex when I knew I had H but I felt so awful afterwards I couldn't even bring myself to do it again if I wanted to. No matter what you do though, he's under enough stress as it is with H so just play nice :).

Link to comment
Share on other sites
beanzy Newbie

beanzy

Posted
Posted

other replies

Ignore the comments about having sex after a week meaning that you see it as casual. It's none of their business when you have sex with someone. They shouldn't be posting their moral opinions.

As for Herpes.....

Although Herpes is very very uncomfortable when you have an outbreak, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's very common and also there is nothing to suggest you don't already have it. Some people have it and never show symptoms at all and they wont test you for it unless you have an outbreak.

You should decide if you want to be with this guy for other reasons not because he has herpes. If you find the idea of it not very nice then imagine how he might have felt about having to tell you. Of course he should have told you first. But i dread the idea of having to tell someone new that i have it. Both me and my current partner have it. We have no idea who gave it to who.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
WaxedWrong Acknowledged Support Member

WaxedWrong

Posted
Posted
Ignore the comments about having sex after a week meaning that you see it as casual. It's none of their business when you have sex with someone. They shouldn't be posting their moral opinions.

.

""I have been dating a guy for about a week now. we had sex once.Im upset that he didnt tell me before we had sex the first time.I like him but Im not sure I see a longterm future with him and I dont want to end up with herpes ""

word from the op herself.

now from me> i could care less if she screwed him and didnt know his name(if thats how u do- good for u) > the point i was trying to make was shes only known him a week, and during this time they did it> he ONLY told her AFTER the fact. right there> there is a big issue. trust. and EVERYONE knows that there is absolutly no realtionship w/o trust

Link to comment
Share on other sites
cp1228 Honeycomb Member

cp1228

Posted
Posted

Not sure where the "condoms don't protect you from Herpes" came from.

link: http://aids.about.com/od/hivprevention/a/condomshsv.htm

Reuters Health writer Amy Norton reports that a new study has again shown that condoms do indeed protect against genital herpes (herpes simplex or HSV-2).

There are many other studies out there. Just google "Herpes condoms" and you'll find them.

The main point here is that the condom must cover the infected area but they do work.

There's no need to scare someone who is looking for answers by providing them with incorrect information.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
WaxedWrong Acknowledged Support Member

WaxedWrong

Posted
Posted
Not sure where the "condoms don't protect you from Herpes" came from.

link: http://aids.about.com/od/hivprevention/a/condomshsv.htm

There are many other studies out there. Just google "Herpes condoms" and you'll find them.

The main point here is that the condom must cover the infected area but they do work.

There's no need to scare someone who is looking for answers by providing them with incorrect information.

ok... think of ur self as a female> ur genital area, is like the size of ur hand. now u show me a condom that will cover that. if ANY of that area, is infected> or has a sore, and touches say the base of the penis/ or the mound? or hey.. the balls> uve got it buddy. sure a condom will prevent the head of ur penis from touching the sore> but not the rest of ur genital area.

--""Genital ulcer diseases can occur in both male and female genital areas that are covered or protected by a latex condom, as well as in areas that are not covered. Correct and consistent use of latex condoms can reduce the risk of genital herpes only when the infected area or site of potential exposure is protected. Since a condom may not cover all infected areas, even correct and consistent use of latex condoms cannot guarantee protection from genital herpes.""-- straight from the CDC (http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes.htm#prevent)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
Guest kwest

Guest kwest

Posted
Posted

i got the sores on my dickhead/foreskin, feels like a rash/chafe on my inner thighs, but no visible signs of anything...

this is my first outbreak, so maybe its just mega symptoms? or am i one of the unlucky ones that a condom wont help... and dammit that would suck, as their on the tip and a condom would cover that, i'm just worried about this thigh shit

Link to comment
Share on other sites
nimil Honeycomb Member

nimil

Posted
Posted

If you don't see a long term relationship, NO don't put yourself at risk just for casual sex!!

If you do want to date him and see where it goes, that is something you have to consider.

At the age of 40, life importances are much different than that of a 20 year old. what's important to you?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      72k
    • Total Posts
      485.5k

  • Posts

    • tbc122
      Is this a herpes blister on my eyelid? I think I transmitted hsv1 from my genitals to my eyelid

      By tbc122 · Posted

      https://imgur.com/a/cVi8yJY 2 weeks ago I had unprotected oral sex. Few days later I wake up with a stinging sensation in my urethra. I don't have any blisters, lesions or redness, my penis looks completely normal from the outside, but the stinging in my urethra is always there. Urinating doesn't make the pain worse. From the research I've done and how my body feels I'm pretty sure I caught genital hsv1. To make matters worse I think I transmitted it to my eyelid by touching my infected penis and then my eyelid which did develop a blister. Can anyone look at my lower eyelid and tell me if it looks anything like herpes?  I forgot to add that the blister is painless, but my eye is a bit watery. Other than that it's fine and my eyesight is good. Considering how this all developed in a matter of a week after I had unprotected sex it can't be much else than herpes..
    • SuperSnap
      No more outbreaks for me since started taking these.

      By SuperSnap · Posted

      Hey I see that they also sell the pill form in 100 mg and 500 mg form. Do you think this is as affective? They have the regular and extract version of the pill. Which would you think is the right one to get? And how many pills per day to get the same effect of say 16 seeds?
    • Ric12321
      Tiny bump at penis tip

      By Ric12321 · Posted

      it's actually because of bareback bj...
    • scurrred
      How accurate is a blood test for herpes

      By scurrred · Posted

      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      HSV genital likely?

      By CHT · Posted

      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.

  I accept