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Just diagnosed, alone & confused, please help!


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Unfortunately, I was just diagnosed with genital herpes today. I've pretty much been crying ever since. I was in a commited relationship for six years (since I was 18) and just broke up with my boyfriend six months ago. I've slept with only a few people and somehow managed to contract not one but TWO STDs. I had chlaymidia a few months ago. I read somewhere that 1 in 5 American adults have Herpes? What are you experiences? Dating after being in such a long-term relationship has already been difficult, how do people with herpes even attempt to date? The word still gives me shivers. Do you go about your normal dating routine, and just bring it up after a certain number of dates? What have people's reactions been? Please help!!!!

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Hi Lauryn

Yes it's supposed to be 1 in 4 women have it and 1 in 5 men. It doesn't feel like that could possibly be true because no-one talks about it.

There's been loads of posts on this site which have talked about forming good relationships with new partners (who are not infected) so yes there's diefinitely hope!

Best wishes

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Guest dangermouse

The 1 in 4 figure refers to the number of people who carry the virus, but a large majority of them/us are totally asymptomatic. I think the figures for "people who have HSV and experience genital outbreaks" is much lower, anything from 1 in 10 to 1 in 20 depending on your country).

I live in Europe and here they don't test for carrying the virus at all. The reasoning seems to be that if you have no symptoms, you're better off not knowing, since you'll only be shedding the virus asymptomatically a few days a year (and we all know that after the first couple of years of a relationship, we don't have sex very often anyway ;) )

I have to say, judging by some of the posts I've seen here over the months, the Europeans may be right. But then again...

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Sorry to hear it, Lauryn. YES the news is hard to take. It DOES get easier to deal with. You are in the beginning stages, probably some denial, etc. I have had it 3 years now, and I still can't believe it. The breakouts are very rare now, so atleast I got that goin' for me. Be glad it is not AIDS. (see, it could always be worse!)

Dating hasn't been too great for me. In fact, I have withdrawn from dating all together. The thought of having 'the talk' with someone just makes me sick, so I haven't had the nerve to date. But this new year is going to be different. I need to give myself, and men, a chance. I'm sure there is someone who will accept me for who I am. I am a good catch (besides the H, lol). So I really need to give it a chance. If someone asks me out this year that I am interested in, I am going to atleast go on some dates. I turned down dates the last 3 years because of it, and that is no way to live.

Just have to know that sex is not an option UNTIL you tell the other person the truth. Its only fair that they be given the chance you and me were NOT given. And you never know, they may have it too!

I guess it is actually a good way to 'weed' people out. If they are not going to accept you with the herpes, then who needs them anyways.

OK, enough of my new years resolution.

It will get easier to deal with, Lauryn, after it 'sinks' in that you have it and you get yourself very educated on it. Its really not that bad, its just the stigma society has placed on it makes it difficult to take.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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