2 months going...

[infectedpoet]

So heres the deal,

I was recently diagnosed with GH about 2 months ago. I had unprotected sex with a girl I was currently dating, about 2 weeks into the relationship. 2 days after our initial "bout" I started feeling a tingling sensation at the base of my penis. To my horror it got worse, I searched for every possible solution to what it might be. Every symptom pointed to an inital outbreak of GH, everything. I went to planned parenthood for a diagnosis, and culture test as well as a complete test of every std. Five days later i was told it was GH.. I had symptoms for 47 days after the first outbreak. The reason the outbreak was so bad was that it was compiled with a staff infection. I didnt find that out till a week about 2 weeks ago so I ve been on antibiotics for the past 10 or so days. I broke up with this girl she was an exchange student from China and the age of 28 who spoke very little english so just imagine the conversation of me explaining what i was experiencing down in my "engine room." Over christmas break I got to meet with my exgirlfriend who I dated off and on for 3 years prior, after our most recent seperation, due to graduation of college and our adventure down the career path, she moved to a diffrent location, and i did the same. After not being with each other for quite sometime it was apparent that we wanted to see if it might work if we moved to the same location so we proposed the idea to meet over christmas and talk about it.

I broke the ice and started an interesting conversation starter that night with "I have GH..." I was sure that a woman that has spent an enourmous amount of time with me and that I still love, would have been able to love me for all my faults. That however did not happen... the night went into a twisting down suicidal spiral. I got on the defensive I didn't want to get hurt. In the mean time I found out that the girl i had unprotected sex with got a test for GH and it came back negative.

My ex may have given it to me but i burned that bridge so badly. So here I am the age of 23 confused bewildered and depressed about the path set forth ahead of me. I can't help but feel that rejection is going to be such an issue that it will effect every walk of life. I hear stories of how people have found out about their infection after they have been married because the outbreak took so long to rear its ugly head. But now in this day and age where your expected to sleep with the person after 1-2 weeks of dating how in any way is some girl going to see that im worth the risk. If this virus didnt have viral shedding id be fine with having it... if it didnt infect others id be fine with it. I dont see how a girl that knew me for 3 years and missed me so much then came to the conclusion that i was not worth the risk. I'm not the type of person to just keep this to myself if i ever date anyone ever again I will be sure to tell them about my condition.

I plan on going to a support group tomorrow, but even then you hear the stories of how couples meet... on a cornor, blind date, during the running of the bulls, ect. my future bride to be is going to be found at an STD support group. I really cant wait to tell my grandkids that story.

And everytime some one says cheer up least its not "aids" it gets me depressed upon the way we humans deal with trials and tribulations. For me to to feel better about myself i need to think of someone in a more misearable situation then myself.

any stories of how a young male in his 20s delt with life untill he found someone would be most appreciated. I just need a pick me up after this whole mess.

[itsgottogetbetter]

sorry

Wow man, so sorry to hear this.

Its hard to say anything to make you feel better, besides that it IS going to get easier to deal with as time goes on. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but I've been HSV 2 positive for 3 years now (from a promiscuous lying ex-husband, but thats ANOTHER STORY! He's been kicked out for 3 years).

The first year SUCKED, had alot of outbreaks, basically wanted to DIE. Became very withdrawn, I have not dated in 3 years. The thought of having to TELL someone I have H is just something I don't even want to deal with, so I just DON"T DATE. But that is a very lonely avenue. Yea I have tons of friends and a very busy life, but there is something missing of course.

This year I have decided to let myself date. Let someone get to know ME first, before I tell them about my H status.

Its hard to believe, but there ARE people out there that WILL think you are worth the risk, and that is something I have to believe too and allow myself to date again. I"ve read many success stories on this forum. SURE, there might be rejection, but if someone rejects you for that, then THEY aren't worth it, they don't love you for YOU. I am sorry to hear your girlfriend rejected you, but it was probably meant to be.

Your NEXT girlfriend is going to THANK her!

ANd you know what, chances are, that when you DO meet someone that you decide you trust and like enough to tell, THEY may ALSO be struggling with how to tell YOU THEY have H!! Because its pretty rampant as you've found out. Most people atleast have HSV1. Too bad HSV isn't on a normal STD screening,,,,DUMB.

Well, just hang in there, it will get better. The outbreaks will cool down, get some valtrex. I took it for a YEAR straight, 500mg every day, to try to get my outbreaks under control, and it worked. I stopped taking it a while back and have only had one little outbreak.

Well, try to keep your head up. This virus is a nuisance, but don't let it ruin your life. Funny how the SAME virus causes a 'cold sore' on someones lip and its "OK", and it has a 'cute' little name. But when it gets down below, LOOK OUT, I"m Typhoid Mary!! Jeesh, i don't get it. Society has made this stigma, so what can ya do. Half the people that get 'cold sores' on their lip don't even REALIZE its HERPES! They are in total denial, hence why the little bugger gets passed on so much. If they can call it a cute little name, then they don't have to call it what it is.

"It is what it is".

[infectedpoet]

I understand this someone should love me for my faults no matter what they are but the problem in todays day and age is that no one is willing to allow that in a few weeks. Least in my head thats the scenario.

Everyday I wake up and think, how the hell am i going to meet someone willing to understand my situation in life. Trials and tests make us adapt to every situation that this unforgiving world dishes to us. I love challenges, but for the love of god if I could take a amputated arm instead of this i would.

With that some one could atleast risk the innitial attraction to me. They could come to the conclusion that "this might not work" and step away without the "gift that keeps on giving."

My father has this same virus and i talked to him about the way he delt with it... In his life he didnt share with his partners about his situation. If you knew me I couldnt ever do that even though viral shedding is only happening 1% of the day I couldnt risk not telling someone that I have it.... and i never will.

I've never been confident with dating, I usually let women approach me and just recently i realized thats not always the best way to approach a relationship. I was trying to be outgoing and it kind of just turned around and bit me hard in the @#$.

I want to go through this life without hurting a soul, and with this new prediciment i find that harder and harder to keep true to every day. I have no idea how to breach the topic, and when i rationally think about it if some one told me after 2 weeks of dating them that they were infected.... I wouldnt take the risk either.

I know that might be a personal issue but jesus as unmanly as this is to state, I cant think of a night i didnt cry myself to sleep in the past 2 months thinking about this. When I was trying to heal i was taking every drastic measure to do so... including pouring rubbing alchohal upon my wounds. That sting is so very little to the comparison of the big picture.

innocents is gone. I understand that we all have a feeling of invincablitly when we are young and for each individual that feeling is stripped away in a diffrent encounter. This one however will effect the way I choose to let someone enter my life.

I hear stories of how someone has slept with more than 30+ people and havent contracted anything and it just destroys me. I never wanted that I still dont...

I just want to find some indivdual i can love, hold, protect and again love till the day i die. I have a hard time in my dating experince to believe someone is willing to let me into their lives in this day and age.

And as defeating as this may be, I just dont think i can go through life without living with someone significantly enough to wake up beside them and just make them laugh. That ability just seems stripped away from me. This medical condition isnt about lacerations, and sores on the skin... its about such on the lacerations of our souls...

Everyday I cant help but wish that the past 2 months has been some horrible nightmare. And the sad thing is im doing the predictable human nature, I went through the denial stage and got a secound diagnosis to find out i have HSV 1 & 2. We are such predictable fragile creatures.

However thank you for your input, I understand nothing will change what has happened to me and my trials in life are just beging, its just a hard way to kick off life out of the comfort of my parents wings.

[karmic debt]

hi.... im in the same boat as u mate. im 27 and have had this for 1 and a half years. whoever said this gets easier...was lying, it gets worse. just wait and see. after uve been rejected a few times, starts to screw with ur mental.

dont mean to put u on a downer...... but to many people with this horribal disease are living in denial. ur sex life is gonna dry up, u gonna find it extremely hard to meet a new partner, and u gonna be on medication 4 the rest of ur life. i dont use the gym anymore , cos i dont fancy gettin in the showers after a work out. i get pains around my penis and tops of legs , and get some killer back aches.

hope is over rated

[tothefuture]

Infected poet; the reality is, if I've got this right , is that you were going to meet with your ex-girlfriend to talk about moving to the same location. You hadn't decided to spend the rest of your lives together. She wasn't your wife etc. What I mean is that you're assuming, because of this one experience, that you will always be rejected. You decided to go your seperate ways before, maybe she still had doubts and this was the icing on the cake. If I had doubts about a relationship I wouldn't take the risk. Simple as that. If I met my soulmate (prior to me catching the virus) and he had the virus, then I would look very closely at the risks and then I think I would take that risk - I really do. I honestly don't think a coldsore would come between me and true love!!! The girl wasn't for you, therefore you deserve better - someone you're meant to be with.

I can tell you that it gets better it truely does and I wish you look.

[BoxofRain]

reply to infectedpoet

Hey, I feel the same way you do and worry the same way you do. I have cried myself to sleep many nights. It seems so unfair to be in 23 and feel like I was so excited for the rest of my life....to date, to explore life, to really live freely in all aspects. In your early twenties it seems is like an awakening period to what the rest of your life could mean....with endless possibilities......and then all in the blink of an eye it feels like your life is over. I am 23 also and worry the same way you do and feel I too could never tell someone this. I hope it really does get better the way some say it does....but so far for me it's been a year and a few months and I feel the same way.

I just wanted to ask you one thing though in regard to you trying to get back with your old girlfriend ....do you think if you didn't have herpes that you would have truly wanted to get back with her? Or was it partly because you don't want to be alone and that you figured you would have a better chance of not being rejected because she knew you for three years and already loved you before? Because if you didn't have herpes and would not have wanted to try to get back with her then be happy it didnt work out.....don't try and be with someone just because you think "they" would accept you.....try and wait until it is someone you would want to be with because you are crazy about them....not just out of potential comfort.

[infectedpoet]

As many times as that girl has hurt me... I love her to death. It felt so good to wake up beside her and just maker her laugh. I miss that with every ounce of my hurting heart. She made it seem to shine even when it was raining. Even before this when I was trying to meet new people after being seperated for 6 months I couldnt help but take the photo album she gave me for my 23rd birthday out right before i would go to sleep and only hope to relive fond memories in dreams.

sounds stupidly obsessive i know. Thats why I tried to cut off communication from her to try and let others into my life a bit easier. That didnt work to well, basically 2 months of no communication then I got a "I miss you" and i just melted. Sad to say im trying the whole non communication thing again.

She was basically as Cat stevens states "the first cut is always the deepest." The only girl I ever breathed the word "love" too.

I'm not going to lie however I was walking into that situation over christmas looking for a bit of comfort. I just got on the defensive so much that I just didn't want to be hurt by me having this condition. So of course I was a miserable person because of such.

The way I reacted in the meeting was completely wrong, and I know it.