Feeling hopeless

[me231]

I have this guy friend whom I've known for 5 years, and he just recently became more than a friend. We'd started making all of these plans for a future and a relationship. That is, until I told him I had herpes. He says I'm a wonderful person, I'm awesome, I'm this, I'm that, he has all these strong feelings for me, but he can't find it in himself to"risk" being with me. And it hurts. It hurts so bad. I thought I'd finally found the one person who could accept me for me despite my having herpes. I was extremely confident in the fact that we could deal with it and move on and have the most beautiful relationship. And I was wrong. And it has taken away any hope that I've ever had of having a loving normal relationship, because if this wonderful loving man can't accept me then who can/will? I'm feeling comletely and utterly crushed and I just don't know what to do with myself. I keep entering these cycles of crying that I just cannot control. I don't want to feel like this. I want to love him and I want him to love me. So why can't it just be like that? I thought that I'd accepted the fact that I have herpes and moved on but now its just like finding out for the first time. What do I do?

[tothefuture]

Well the ending of a relationship that's important to us is always hard - it can really hurt (been there done that). Regardless of why it finished.

I may be completely wrong, but there's something about your post that suggests that this potential relationship meant so much to you because you thought he could accept you have herpes. It sounds as though it's on top of your list when it comes to finding a partner. Maybe other things should come first, humour, attraction, common interests, and above all does he have the X factor! This man may be wonderful and loving but if he doesn't see you as 'the love of his life' then that's why he won't take the risk. What i"m trying to say is that he wasn't the one for you. And don't sell yourself short. What would you be looking for in a man if you didn't have herpes. Make sure any new potential partner ticks all the boxes as well as being able to accept you have herpes.

[lajc]

There is hope

Hey tothefuture,

Don't give up yet. There is a real man out there for you. You may just have to deal with some bad apples first. I was diagnosed December 18, 2004. I broke up with the jerk who gave it to me. I didn't want to date again. I met a guy through work and he did all the chasing. We talked on the phone at night for quite a long time. Considering it took him almost a month to get my unlisted number from a co-worker. He started talking on the phone about spending "quality time together" and I started backing off. He finally just asked what was up. I told him and he didn't think anything about it. Other than being upset about jerk giving it to me (we all woredk for the same company). We spent Christmas Eve and part of Christmas 2005 together. I guess I got lucky because we have been together for little over 1.5 years now. We have our ugly moments but it has nothing to do with herpes. You may have herpes but don't let it define you. If he can't accept you for you and not what you have - he is the wrong person for you. Take time to get over him but don't mourn him. The right guy is out there and when you least expect it - he will come into your life. Hang on to your inner strength and confidence that you are a beautiful person that deserves the best. Best of Luck......Lisa