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Feeling hopeless


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I have this guy friend whom I've known for 5 years, and he just recently became more than a friend. We'd started making all of these plans for a future and a relationship. That is, until I told him I had herpes. He says I'm a wonderful person, I'm awesome, I'm this, I'm that, he has all these strong feelings for me, but he can't find it in himself to"risk" being with me. And it hurts. It hurts so bad. I thought I'd finally found the one person who could accept me for me despite my having herpes. I was extremely confident in the fact that we could deal with it and move on and have the most beautiful relationship. And I was wrong. And it has taken away any hope that I've ever had of having a loving normal relationship, because if this wonderful loving man can't accept me then who can/will? I'm feeling comletely and utterly crushed and I just don't know what to do with myself. I keep entering these cycles of crying that I just cannot control. I don't want to feel like this. I want to love him and I want him to love me. So why can't it just be like that? I thought that I'd accepted the fact that I have herpes and moved on but now its just like finding out for the first time. What do I do?

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Well the ending of a relationship that's important to us is always hard - it can really hurt (been there done that). Regardless of why it finished.

I may be completely wrong, but there's something about your post that suggests that this potential relationship meant so much to you because you thought he could accept you have herpes. It sounds as though it's on top of your list when it comes to finding a partner. Maybe other things should come first, humour, attraction, common interests, and above all does he have the X factor! This man may be wonderful and loving but if he doesn't see you as 'the love of his life' then that's why he won't take the risk. What i"m trying to say is that he wasn't the one for you. And don't sell yourself short. What would you be looking for in a man if you didn't have herpes. Make sure any new potential partner ticks all the boxes as well as being able to accept you have herpes.

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There is hope

Hey tothefuture,

Don't give up yet. There is a real man out there for you. You may just have to deal with some bad apples first. I was diagnosed December 18, 2004. I broke up with the jerk who gave it to me. I didn't want to date again. I met a guy through work and he did all the chasing. We talked on the phone at night for quite a long time. Considering it took him almost a month to get my unlisted number from a co-worker. He started talking on the phone about spending "quality time together" and I started backing off. He finally just asked what was up. I told him and he didn't think anything about it. Other than being upset about jerk giving it to me (we all woredk for the same company). We spent Christmas Eve and part of Christmas 2005 together. I guess I got lucky because we have been together for little over 1.5 years now. We have our ugly moments but it has nothing to do with herpes. You may have herpes but don't let it define you. If he can't accept you for you and not what you have - he is the wrong person for you. Take time to get over him but don't mourn him. The right guy is out there and when you least expect it - he will come into your life. Hang on to your inner strength and confidence that you are a beautiful person that deserves the best. Best of Luck......Lisa

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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