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I Think i'm adjusting a little now, but its still so terrifying

Guest kwest

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this is so fucked up... i cant believe this happened to me...

honestly, i was a bit of a player, not in the emotional sense, i never lied to anyone, just got mine and with relative ease...

but i was always safe... i had unprotected sex with my girlfriend in high school, but i was her second sexual parter and she was my first unprotected so we were fresh.. after that relationship ended, i always wrapped up, i even had the nickname magnum man from a couple girls cuz i would be so adamant that everyone wrap up...

over christmas break i went home from the city to my parents house and a night of drinking at the bar lead to goin home with a random girl.. i slipped up.. one night, one time, one girl, and now i'm infected for life

i just forgot to bring condoms home, didnt think i'd need em, then when things started developping, she was confident in her birth control and i figured what were the chances.. 3 years protected safe sex and 1 session with a small town girl, i was more concerned with pregnancy than anything... boy was i wrong..

so i returned home and a couple days later it burned when i pissed, so i went to the doc, he did a swab and gave me a prescription for chlamidia and gonorhea drugs, that was on a wednesday.. on saturday, peeing still hurt and i noticed a small red bump in the shower...cue panic.. so i went to the emergency room

doctor there said everything was probably fine and gave it a 10% chance of being herpes.. did the culture swab and the wait was on...

monday lead to the discovery of more bumps, intense panic ensued, i was holding out that it was just some sort of chlamidia related bump cuz doctor said herpes would be more then one.. since i found more, now that 10% figure isnt so promising.. so i'm callin the clinic and hospital searching for test results, nothing was back yet...

which meant for the swab on wednesday: negative, i wouldve heard by then if i was positive, which means it wasnt clap/drip.. more panic

tuesday rolled around and i got the call: positive for herpes

so today its wednesday.. i've kinda come to terms with the fact that i have this, but i still dont know what it means for me... i'm 21, i had no plans of settling down in a relationship, i feel like i squandered everything i had going for me, i'm terrified i can never get head again for the rest of my life, i'm on day 2 of the valtrex.. i'm just a giant whirlwind of information right now and the whole thing is overwhelming..

i dont know what kind of response i'm looking for here, but if you took the time to read this, hit reply with anything... honestly, as corny as it sounds, it felt incredibly good reading 'you are not alone' on a couple of these information sites, as i was always alone by choice, and now i feel like i'm gonna stay that way.. i never knew how huge of a problem this was and how many people it affected..

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It is not the end of your sex life. You just have to be honest and careful. Your carefree days are over...now the adult responsibility. A lot of people just refrained from sex for years just while they had outbreaks and never passed it on. My husband had herpes for 15 years before he married me and never passed it on. I got it from him after 21 years. You do have a responsibility to inform your partners that they are taking a risk,though small, when you don't have an outbreak. Honor their feelings. Continue with the condoms...especially if they cover your infected area. If you don't have a OB it is safe for someone to give you head....transmission of type 2 to the mouth is "very rare". Over time your OB's will become few and far between and it will become less of an issue.

Do research from educational sources and get support from the message board.

Good luck to you.

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thanks for the response... i got some close friends who are offering support but no one really knows what i'm goin thru.... shit, this only became real yesterday, I dont even know what i'm goin thru yet.. feels good to have someone who lived thru it tell you its gonna be ok.. lot more believable that way hahaha

i went and bought some vitamins and lysine pills today.. i'm paranoid like whoa about transferring it to other parts of my body..

i keep biting my lip from thinking too hard and now i'm paranoid that every whisker bump or mark on my face is another infection, thought i spread it to my finger, i'm just buggin cuz since i only found out yesterday, i might've touched and cross contaminated by accident sometime in the days before not knowing the nature of the beast.. every itch or tingle i feel anywhere on my body, even for a split second, i think i spread it.. afraid to rub sleep out of my eyes lol...

urgent question: the infection for me seems to be mainly in the foreskin and my dick is decently sized, should i be worried about my dick laying against my leg while sleeping? will this promote sores on my legs? since this is my first outbreak from the reading i've been doing its supposedly the most contagious.. if it spreads to my legs now then i'm almost garunteed to pass it on regardless of condom use right? is this common? most of the info sites dont answer paranoid questions like this.. during this first outbreak is there anything i can do to lock it down where it is or is it too late already?


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Know how it feels...

Much like you I slipped up over christmas...but there wasn't even penetration (you can read the boring details in a previous thread).

I'm also in the adjustment mode...one really good friend knows and the guy himself...but no one else. It's weird...it's shit...and I have to say I'm glad I've posted in this forum as the support is great. Yep we're not alone!

I don't know when I'll cross the sex bridge again (and of course getting used to telling a potential partner), but some of the stories of people getting through it and finding a partner after being diagnosed give me some hope.

As for locking it down...I tried to keep myself clean and dry and not let "uninfected" skin near anything infected...but I'm only a newbie so search through the forums on treatments to get some ideas too...

Good luck with getting your head around it.

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tried sleeping in a condom to keep everything contained, but woke up paranoid about moisture and removed it, and put a sock around my dick..

it fell off in the middle of the night and everytime i adjusted it i had to go wash my hands cuz i was freakin out i'd spread it..

this is easily the worst part for me right now...

right now i got a pretty decent handle on things except the afore mentioned spreading paranoia and what to do about semi current partners..

thats the hugest issue i got... with new sexual partners, i can cross that bridge when i come to it, but what about people that were already across to my island, and now are gonna be very confused as to why they cant come back? coming out and saying the island is infested will ruin the entire tourism industry at this point.. so the dilemma lies in what to say to girls i had semi long standing off and on 'friendships' with.. i still like these girls and dont wanna scare them away, also not ready to have the whole world know... and one of these girls lives in another city, so it's gonna be extra hard to duck her when she comes back as shes gonna wanna spend most of her time here having sex.. completely unaware of whats happened in the time since shes been gone...

i tend to think things thru to the final step, but i only got diagnosed tuesday, i dont even know what step 2 is gonna be like and my brain is on this vicious cycle...

i smoke weed everyday too, and thats a doosie as smoking = bad for immune system but weed = regulates my stress...

i feel like quittin weed will send me on more of a downward spiral as it's like nothing i knew will be the same, but i'm fucking terrified of this shit and dont know what to do...

people have no idea what its like to be afraid of their own penis..

this used to be my pride and joy, it was big, thick, proportioned right, really good dick, girls would tell me it was the nicest they ever saw (probably bullshit, but i got compliments on this shit regularly)

and now i wanna cut it the fuck off my body, i'm disgusted at how i feel about myself as i flying high 2 weeks ago...

i make music and i feel like this is gonna affect my career as image is all based on public opinion and i cant be honest and open with people and expect to build a name for myself with all the social stigma that goes along with this.. ARRGHGHHHHHHH

heres another question i've come up with:

i'm uncircumsized and most of my breakout seems to be in/on the foreskin, when people have recurrences, are they in the same place as the first OB or will these migrate to all over my dickhead (now i only have 1 or 2 on the actual head)? if they stay in the same place, would circumcision possibly help reduce my symptoms as most of the affected area would be removed?

i cant stop thinking.. this cant be good for me right now

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recurences are sometimes in the same place.....for me it is always in the same two places. For my boyfriend he has only had one outbreak, which was the first outbreak last year that led us to find out about having this. He has never had another outbreak until once last week and it was in the exact same spot as a year ago. He is lucky....only gets one little bump/sore and this is only his second one ever. I get it all the time and dont have typical symptoms.....mine is a rash and feeling like cuts, but there is nothing on my skin when you look at it. So, it is hard to say if it will come back in other areas. Most people I have heard of get it in the same area every time they have an outbreak so maybe that will be your case too. As for the idea of getting circumsized...not sure about that one....ask youe doctor. I dont think that will help much though but I am not an expert. I would be afraid that if you did that it might appear in other places as well or instead ya know? who knows....ask your doctor.

Remember....you're not alone....I know it seems that way....but there are so many people with it....as you can see from this website alone. It is hardest to be diagnosed young.....feels like your life is over I know.....I am 23.....got diagnosed last year.

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I just found out I had herpes 2 days ago... so I'm finding the whole thing pretty terrifying too. 20 years old and definetly feel like I f'd up my future =( *hugs*

I know what you mean about the paranoia about spreading it. My hands are pretty dry and cracking everywhere because I've been complusively washing them in fear of spreading something. I keep checking around my mouth and down below for anything new. Any new pain on my body makes me paranoid.

but this forum looks pretty good for emotional support and help with dealing with the whole thing. Hope you find a way to get through this. I admire those people who can still be upbeat and strong despite getting something like cancer or losing a limb or whatnot... so hopefully we can be like that =)

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mine is a rash and feeling like cuts, but there is nothing on my skin when you look at it.

i got sores on my dick, but i feel that on my upper thighs, like i said earlier i fear i spread it there from my dick laying against my leg during sleep or relaxation...

there are no marks on the skin, doesnt even really look red or anything, but it feels like i'm chafed up or something..

honestly, i got a tiny little blister where my left ass cheek meets my leg too, but since that showed up before sores on my dick, i just thought it was from laying around the house, as when i thought it was chlamidia i just parked it on the couch and waited for my pee to stop burning..

i'm scared that in that 3-4 day time frame where i thought i was getting cured and thought i had a heat sore/chafe situation that i might've touched it and spread it to my fingers and eyes...

went back to work tonight, got hit on, had to tell girls i might have a hernia so my back/groin hurts too bad to have sex...

strange urges just to blurt out that i have herpes as to get it over with instead of the long drawn out process of ducking every request in order to keep my pride intact.. feelin really self destructive as i feel like i'm already down for the count...

this is ridiculous, i would never wish this on anyone, and yet, i dont even know what it holds in store for me... i guess i just never wish this fear/deep sadness on someone, as it turns them into their own worst enemy

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pretty sure i spread it to my left index finger, and i have 3 small bumps not red but visible when i go in close on my left bottom eyelid, look kinda like tiny pimples but in my eyelashes

i already have the herpes virus and its not like i can take more pills or more vitamins then i would've just for my gential issue, but this is adding to the stress and feeling of it all being 'over'

motherfuck... i just wanna wake up and have this not be real..

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before freaking out.....go see a doctor immediately (while the things you think are additional spreading are still visible) a doctor can culture it or maybe diagnose it by sight. Don't let yourself worry too much about the potential spread until it is validated. Just make an appointment really quickly so you dont have to wait a long time to see if they return or not. good luck...

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I know how you feel i found out I had it in July and it still hasnt really sank in. I feel like my sexual life has become a stand still. I am 26 now, i was 25 when i found out. I had plans, kids, husband..and I dont know if I will ever get that chance. I hope that some how people will be able to get a better understanding on this and how it effects us so we might be able to have some sort of a normal life.

Good Luck

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so i'm still paranoid that i've given this to myself in every possible place, but i try not to sweat it under the guise of 'whats done is done' and 'it is what it is'

i finished my valtrex on monday.. got 7 days and recieved it the tuesday before last..

all my bumps are gone except theres still a dot, looks actually like a scar or slick skin on my dickhead from where the culture test was done.. is that permanent?

still feel some minor symptoms tho, like my lymph node is still a tiny bit swole up and last night/today, my dicks been kinda itchy or i just been aware of it and i get stabs of pain sometimes... wondering if i'm getting another outbreak?

would it come and go that quick? i mean, i'm still takin mad lysine and all the stuff i read to do while on an outbreak cuz like i said, i can still see where the first sore came up and i can feel the pain in my lymph node from time to time...

so yeah, basically just waitin to see if i'm headin to the doctor, what are the sure signs? i know its different for everyone, but maybe this is just the healing phase where i'm still not 100% yet...

i dunno.. someone help!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Finally posted

Hey Kwest, man I feel your pain. I was diagnosed in September, went home for buddy's wedding, got drunk.....my life is changed forever! Anyway, I have been off and on this site, never posting just reading and gathering information. I was reading tonight and everything you are saying is exactly what I am feeling and going through.

I am 26, and at risk of sounding like a tool, I am a good looking outgoing guy, who also never had any troubles impressing the opposite sex. I was never a dick either, i used condoms and everything...I just really loved loved girls. My friends would always say I could never just have a guys night out, play poker, watch the game, eat wings, and drink beer without worrying about going out to meet some girls.

This is so hard for me I cannot even begin to put into words, I have told my best friend...and he does what a typical best friend would do, "Its not the end of the world" etc........... I broke down to my Mom, because I had no one else to turn to. It helps talking to her, but I have made her very upset in the process. Kinda rambling, but I really can't stop right now. Kwest, like you, I feel like I have lost my manhood...For the lovely women reading this I am sorry about being to descriptive. I am sure you are in the same boat Kwest, to guys their penis means a lot to them (whether most of its vain and superficial), and to always have to be worried about it is consuming my life force. I know exactly what you are talking about being scared of spreading it. Honestly just today I was getting the eye crust out of my eye, wondering the same thing...Like oh shit, I just gave my eyes H. Another example, just going camping with my buddys, everyome would just go pie anywhere and I'm worried about touching myself without being able to wash my hands.

Some days are good, some bad...it always seems to be in the back of my mind. The WHY ME and WHAT IF questions are killing me as well. Not to sound too negative, because I know things will get better. I just think the best solution is just to talk to people and get as much information on this as possible.

As far as meeting someone, I am scared to death...I honestly don't know if I can do it. I know the stigma, and I hate to admit it now, but I it was a reverse situation I would probably walk away from a relationship...makes me sick to say that, but being honest.

Sorry bout rambling, but this is a great forum and there are some great people on here. I thank everyone for there support of everyone else on this board.

Kwest, your post inspired me to start posting, and if you ever need to talk, I will check the board regulary.

Couple Questions, I get some tingling and a little itching sometimes but have never had a second OB in 5 months, am I just paranoid or is it H doing its thing?

What are the best sites to maybe meet someone with the same thing, anything on this forum.

THanks again,


-I am a big David Bowie fan, for everyone who is wondering where ziggy stardust comes from.

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whats up man, i'd say i'm glad someone knows what i'm goin thru, but really this sucks for both of us hahaha

i dont know if it was like this for you, but it feels like time slowed down for me... i got diagnosed last month but it feels like years.. i feel like i've lived thru an entire phase of my life, in 30 days.. its crazy..

i was the dj at a bar, had to quit because the girls were drivin me nuts.. this new girl told me i turned her on more then any man she'd ever met in her life and she had dreams about my eyes.. fuck... i had standing relationships with a couple people and the pressue to pick up where we left off was too much.

now i feel like i'm in this waiting game for another OB.. like i wanna be aware of it all the time because if something is up i wanna go get valtrex asap cuz i dont wanna be spreadin it to myself or whatnot and you're supposedly contagious soon as you start showin signs... but since i've only had the one outbreak, i dont know what the signs are.. so everythings a sign...

i have no sores anywhere on my dick anymore, but i'm still terrified of it... i wash with a rubber glove, if i jerk off i do it in a condom (had to do it a couple times... i know the fellas feel me on it buildin up pressure lol) and when i'm pissin i wash my hands before and after and try not even to touch it beyond gettin it out and puttin it away..

i dunno what to do at this point but play the waiting game until something develops into a full blown issue, and then i know what to watch for... my tailbone hurts and thats supposed to be something to watch for i think, but i also think its cuz i spend all my time on this computer tryin to figure shit out..

when i was at the doctors office and i got diagnosed, he said 'its just a cold sore, use the rubbers and you'll be fine' i say that mentally every now and then and it helps but due to all the shit i heard on the internet, theres another voice that says 'fuck that, you know what could happen'.. youd think the chances with me randomly having sex with a girl while no outbreak and no signs of anything plus using a condom would be pretty low of spreading it, but i thought me randomly having sex with one girl condomless wouldnt amount to much either.. i pulled out, i was concerned with birth control cuz i didnt know for sure she was on the pill.. ONE TIME, one night, one nut.. now i have this my whole life...

maybe i'll get to a point where the ob's are so sporadic that i'd feel comfortable having protected sex with someone at a random point with no outbreak and no signs of a potential one and do it like the doctor said, but for right now i just feel ruined...

worst part is my best friend still works at the club and he's constantly hangin out with broads from there and it makes it so much more difficult for me to adjust to havin a 'normal' life.. i dont have a staple to just kick it and not have anything sexual that i cant do even in the atmosphere...

well ziggy, rant for rant, ramble for ramble, i returned some reading for you

thanks for the reply, good to know someone heard me


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  • 2 weeks later...

Kwest, Ziggy,

I've been reading your posts and want to also tell you I feel exactly the same way. After having sex a couple of weeks ago, I developed some pain whilst urinating. This lasted for 3 days and I thought nothing of it. Then a single spot appeared on the side of my penis. About 5 days later I noticed a small rash appearing at the base of my penis. When the rash appeared I started do freak out. I went to the doctor last friday and she said it looked like Herpes. Right now I'm in limbo as I'm waiting on the test results, but I'm pretty sure its herpes. Psychologically, I didn't feel much on saturday, but yesterday I absolutely fell to pieces, and spent most of the day crying. I phoned in sick to work today as I couldn't face it. I'm working in the USA, but I'm from the UK, so I'm thousands of miles from home and I feel so alone its unreal. I phoned my best mate yesterday, and all he really knew to say was 'sorry'. He said that this is by and large not going to affect my life, but I know otherwise. I'm unclean, diseased, and what woman in their right mind is ever going to want to be in a relationship with me? If I was in that position, I would run a mile. A relationship and kids now seem impossible, and I feel that what is the point going on. I phoned my mum and told her an hour ago. She was very upset and I fell to pieces on the phone and cried like a baby. I'm in the darkest of dark places right now.

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I am on day 2 of valtrax also. I stupidly had sex with my boyfriend while he had an outbreak we thought he had an allergic reaction. so I basically put open sores in my vagina!! So stupid....My blood test came back pos but no antibodies so we are not sure what type it is. I am really really depressed.

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pretty sure i spread it to my left index finger, and i have 3 small bumps not red but visible when i go in close on my left bottom eyelid, look kinda like tiny pimples but in my eyelashes

i already have the herpes virus and its not like i can take more pills or more vitamins then i would've just for my gential issue, but this is adding to the stress and feeling of it all being 'over'

motherfuck... i just wanna wake up and have this not be real..

I feel you. How are you now? It seems like you have been torturing yourself far too much. Stop!! I have done the same and can tell you it's so, so counterproductive. True, our lives as we knew them will never be the same. We must nevertheless pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and keep walking. Also, we are not alone.

There are people out there with the same situation (average of 1 in 4) so dating someone with the same HSV is a safe option. HSV or not, you still sound hot and very intriguing. Also, it's probably of no consolation---but it's far better to be a "choker" and "lit up" than a tiny-winy and 'lit up'. :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey buddy. I feel you. I'm still waiting for test results, but just having this feeling is well... really bad.

I'm 22, and I feel like I threw away so much - and I had a lot going for me. And this was only my third time having sex. I was just starting to enjoy one aspect of adult life, and bam. So yeah, everything's changing.. good luck.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest kwest


i'm doin a little better, i'm still terrified of myself, but its a terror i got comfortable with if that makes sense lol..

i got a bunch of weird habits now to avoid touching my dick.. example: when i sleep, i like, wrap my dick up in my boxers so when it lays against my leg theres no skin to skin contact.. when i piss, most of the time i'll pull my boxers down, and get the elastic under my dick so it hangs over top and i piss and then i just pull the boxers back up, no contact.. i wash my dick last in the shower, and when i wash it i use rubber dishwashing gloves lol.. been usin condoms to jerk off tryin to get used to the lack of sex...

so far so good... honestly i'll admit on here that i fucked up one night, i got HAAAAAAAAAAMMERED and this girl split a cab with me cuz it turned out she lived right next to me, i was honestly not tryin to make something happen as i had put that outta my mind but i guess she liked me.. but she was sneaky...

asked me to come in to smoke a joint, and i had promised i'd burn one with her for payin for the cab cuz i'm pyimp like that lol so i went in on the innocent joint tip.. we were sittin there and like i said, i was smashed, she changed into pajama type clothes and then started makin moves on me a little.. i said the 'i'm not having sex for right now, new years resolution' speech i been givin, and she was like 'oh i dont have sex with people the first time i meet them so dont worry' and it had been awhile since i got semi physical with anyone so i was like whatever, she can rub on my chest and shit if i can feel her booty for a minute.. anyways, next thing i know, she's got my pants open and is grabbin on my dick.. now at that moment i had a crazy mental conversation.. cuz i wasnt on an outbreak so technically w/out the asymptomshed we'd be fine, but that doesnt matter really cuz theres still a chance, but if i freak out and tell her, then she knows and she tells her friends and then i'm on blast for having the herp.. add in i'm a good lookin well endowed HAMMERED 21 year old who hadnt been touched by a woman in almost 2 months who has a sexy girl with his dick in her hands and 0.2 seconds from her mouth.....................

i let her do it...

and then i fuckin ruined myself for the next 2 weeks thinking i gave it to her on her mouth or something and she was goin thru all this hell and i was the reason and i was goin nuts... then i seen her at the club again and she was all over me.. apparently i was on her mind for 2 weeks too but in a good way...

i'm starting to deal with this mentally a lot better now... really with condoms i should be ok, as for right now my outbreak was all on the tip of my dick...

also, i havent had my 2nd outbreak yet either as far as i know, as to me, every little ache/tingle/pinch/itch/burn/feeling at all in my dick while relaxing/peeing/working, is still all herpes related, but theres hasnt been any more spots or anything like this so i tell myself stop trippin... plus i read a couple places that the 1st outbreak is usually defined by most people as the worst... and to be honest, my first outbreak really wasnt that bad.. more the emotional 'i'm a fucking idiot how could i do this i might as well go drink bleach and see how good that is for me' aspect was much worse..

only thing i feel on the regular that i REALLY think is herpes related is random stabs or shoots of pain in my pubic area.. like the base of my dick but a little out to the right or to the right about an inch.. no lesions or bruises tho, no pain when i touch where i felt it, just quick pains like chills cept in that one area..

my finger seems to be fine.. there was/still is a purple dot looks kinda like a blood blister or bruise or something in the crease 1st away from the crease where it connects to your hand... its not big, its very faint, and theres no pain or upraised skin, no secondary marks and i think i should be ok..

still takin my lysine pills and vitamins... and my diet is now a better balance.. i still eat a lot of garbage, but i also focus on eating some good stuff too in order to makeup for the cheeseburgers and fries lol...

hey, anyone notice how shitty it is on tv when you got this? everythings about sex and people fuckin and hookin up and kissin and partying and meeting new people and all the songs are about the same shit...

thats where my dilemma is.. i was a ladies man, and still pretty much am.. and i incorporated my dealings with the female gender into a lot of my music.. now i feel lost for subject matter.. as i dont want to promote sex anymore/as much as i'm kinda out of that game for the time being.. but i also still love women and they still love my smile lol so i still find myself in that mindframe a lot.. i cant come out and be the guy with herpes as that'll end the career before it starts, so at least for the moment i gotta act like nothings nothing, but its hard not to discuss the biggest issue you deal with in your private life in your music... feels dishonest to say something about women now.. even tho i DO still have skills and they do still wanna find out, i cant say that and then have someone step up and want it unknowing that i'm slightly damaged goods... you know?


i always come on here and write a goddamn book

if you got this far, you're great

you're my favorite

yes, you


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I know how you feel. I'm 38 and have always had protected sex due to my intolerance of birth control. Each kind I tried always made me sick, so the only method I could use was condoms. I was married and have been divorced for several years. Now, here I am, I have finally found a bc method that doesn't make me ill, so technically, condoms are no longer needed. I was in a relationship for several months and once we agreed that we were going to be exclusive, we were both tested for aids (and only aids - stupid me) and once the test results were negative, we decided to stop using condoms. It was until after we stop using condoms did he reveal to me the truth about his sexual experiences in the past. By then, the damage was done. I went to my doctor and was tested for everything (which I do annually when I have my yearly exam) and I tested positive for both Herp 1 and Herp 2. Then they call and told me that they had messed up the test, so I wasn't sure. I had to go back. Then they called and told me I had Herp 1. I was relieved. They they called and told me that I both. I went to my primary care physician and had all the test done again. I waited and waited for my results (AGAIN) and then the lab called and told me that they lost some of my test. I had to go back to the lab again and then more waiting. Final result, positive for both 1 and 2. I too had spent my entire adult life being safe and all it took was for one person to change the rest of my life. I made sure that he was tested and he was positive as well for both 1 and 2. This is someone that I thought I had a future with, that I trusted and loved. Now I'm afraid to touch anyone in my family, afraid every day that I might have a breakout and more importantly, that my chances of finding someone who will love me enough to accept this. Even at my age I still had the hope of having a child and now there are risk involved in that as well. EVERYTHING has changed. I go from being ticked off to depressed. I know I'm rambling, but there isn't anyone that I can really talk to about this. Thank goodness for this site allowing me to vent. It's not like I want to tell my friends or my family. I feel like it's a battle that I'm fighting alone. People have already noticed changes in my personality. I HATE THIS! Thanks for listening.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest kwest


got it at christmas and almost thought i was one of the rare 'had it once and never came back' but i'm takin a shower to head home for easter and boom... i notice the area where i got my first bump lookin kinda red, closer inspection, 3 little mahfuckas on the come up...


holiday trauma...

what can i do?

i dont wanna take meds cuz i want no records of me having this available to anyone, super p-noid i know, but ?????

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go to the vitamin store and get some l-lysine and take it several times a day. maybe 500 mg at a time up to 2000 mg a day might help.

I take 1000 mg to 1500 mg a day every day.

read up on it. you don't need a rx for it and no record.

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Bro, I'm feeling ya! Just realized that I have it, but I'm in the opposite boat as you. I got it while practicing safe sex so my dick is currently unscathed, BUT it's tearing the hell out of my abdomen. Somehow it made it back to my asscrack too (I'm assuming when I was washing before I realized I had it). So I'm trying to keep it off of my dick, but I don't know which is worse...I can't contain mine. Sucks!

I'm so pissed/scared/confused that it's not even funny. I've only told my best buddy and he offered the same thing that everyone else gets..."it could be worse." blah...blah...blah...

I think I'm gonna tell my dad, but I can't tell my mom. She'll be crushed. I'm turning 30 this week (hell of a Bday present) and all she ever talks about is grandkids...and honestly I was kind of getting to the point where if I met the right girl, I'd settle down. Now I'm regretting not pulling the 'marriage' trigger earlier in life because I've had some great girls in my life, but I never wanted to settle down. Anyway...

Well, I'm still going through all the initial "why me" and "what if" crap. This just really sucks and I feel for ya...BELIEVE ME! I was out the other night and this girl was coming on strong and I couldn't spit anything. I just froze up and didn't know what to do. This really sucks. I feel like I want to just take a cheese grater to my abdomen to try and lose this stuff. ARGH!

Well, good luck to you brother. I hope your Easter gets a little better...

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    • Ric12321
      it's actually because of bareback bj...
    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
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