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sapphiregem

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sapphiregem Honeycomb Member

sapphiregem

Posted
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:oops: I would just like to say hello and I thank God for a site such as this. I recently (less than a week ago) found out

that I have contracted HSV type 2. In April of "2006", I found out that my husband of 7 yrs. (which, we have a 5 yr. old and a 3 yr. old) has been cheating with prostitutes, co-workers and probablly anything inbetween for the whole duration of our dating and married life. I am so angry because I have had many STD tests, including with both of my pregnancies and pap smears twice a year because my mother had cervical cancer when I was a child, so I am a prime canidate for that. All have always came back negative. I actually thought that I had a horrible UTI before I was diagnosed... I am just devestated to say the least! I have been nothing but faithful to him through all these years and this is the thanks I get. I would feel horrible if I did blame him and it turned up it was the other way around...but the thing that makes me believe a 100% percent I contracted it from him is I demanded that he show me his penis and I discovered that he was/is covered in the stuff!!! He claims he never knew he had it, he never hurt, saw it, etc. But how can you not see it at least? I don't know what to do...I feel so ashamed and pretty much like a new relationship ever is just a wishful thought. I'm just sick over it....please can someone help me?!!! Thanks.

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matter of time Honeycomb Member

matter of time

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You knew for 8 months of your husbands infidelity...how have you been handling that? Counciling? Acceptance? Do you want to stay with him and work things out or just feel trapped? Right now you probably feel damaged and that no one else would want you...but that is not true. It is a brave new world out there now with internet dating...so get out there if that is what you want....does not sound like your husband is going to change. He is a liar, betraying you for years. I can't help you but I can only pose questions.

Your marriage can work but will never be the same. What do you want? What does he want? What is best for the kids?

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sapphiregem Honeycomb Member

sapphiregem

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Well, I have decided to divorce him. I have given him the chance to seek counseling and go see a Dr. about his genital area and he refuses. I was willing to stay, before finding out that he has infected me, but only with the basis of him getting help period. I would of never found out about what he was doing if I would of not seen the computer screen openned up to his private email acct. I then of course investigated and got sick on the spot. At first he acted as if he wanted to get help and make things work for our family, but his actions have spoke for what he really wants. It's very sad and I have had many sleepless and tearful nights but I know that he will not change and I can not wait around for him to give me AIDS while I wait for him to "change", when clearly he just isn't going to. We are making plans to see a Legal Mediator and make things a little easier that way. I do feel like noone will ever want me and maybe that is so, but I would rather take my chances at being alone for the rest of my life than dying from an STD. I am only 31 to boot, so it is scary for me. Even though you are faithful and are doing everything morally correct in your marriage it doesn't mean that you are not going to still end up with an STD, or a divorce in this case. I really don't want it, but I just can't live like that. Thanks for lending and ear, it means so much.

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BoxofRain Acknowledged Support Member

BoxofRain

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Though you dont know me...you have my support. You should beging to feel empowered once you are out of that horrible situation. It is better sometimes to be alone and to learn to love yourself despite having this. In time, you will find someone who will treat you better and who is the person that you deserve. Good luck to you....

sending you a hug, strength, encouragement, and happy days ahead :)

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tothefuture Acknowledged Support Member

tothefuture

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Well, if it wasn't for the fact you had children, I'd tell him to sod off. Why wouldn't you? I don't think it matters who gave who what. He had sex with other people - what a f**king bastard. I'm NOT trying to make you feel worse than you already do - that's probably not possible. I just think how ever angry you feel - well that's totally NORMAL and understandable. If you didn't have herpes (and I agree you probably got it from him) then you'd still have every right to feel pissed off with him.

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tothefuture Acknowledged Support Member

tothefuture

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Good for you. You sound like a very strong person to me. And you're right YOU'RE ONLY 31. That's young. This is a new start. Enjoy being on your own. And away from someone who was hurting you. You're an example to us all!!! Good luck to you and take care.

P.S. I'm sure you will find someone who deserves you - despite herpes, it's a coldsore for god's sake!!!

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sapphiregem Honeycomb Member

sapphiregem

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Well, if it wasn't for the fact you had children, I'd tell him to sod off. Why wouldn't you? I don't think it matters who gave who what. He had sex with other people - what a f**king bastard. I'm NOT trying to make you feel worse than you already do - that's probably not possible. I just think how ever angry you feel - well that's totally NORMAL and understandable. If you didn't have herpes (and I agree you probably got it from him) then you'd still have every right to feel pissed off with him.

Thank you for the support! My obgyn has stated that if I had contracted the herpes before my pregnancies 1) my std tests with each pregnancy would of clearly showed this and I would of most likely had an OB with being pregnant, not to mention you CAN NOT have a vaginal delievery if you do have HSV 2, to my understanding, which both of my children where delievered vaginally. 2) I know his track record and have seen proof of him having been intimate with prostitutes, etc. Not to mention his mother of all people told me yesterday that he had herpes all around his mouth and on his lips when he was in his early 20's... :o now that pisses me off! He NEVER mentioned any of this and I questioned him and his response was he forgot!!! WTF, you don't just forget that kind of thing! So now I am scared to death that I and my children may have even contracted HSV 1... :twisted: I get my blood tests back next week. I am scared but I am so relieved in a way that I've had this done yet again...

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BoxofRain Acknowledged Support Member

BoxofRain

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you can deliver vaginally if you have HSV2 as long as your doctor is aware of your condition and does a check to see if the vaginal canal is clear of the virus, and you have not had symptoms prior to delivery. Its very possible. But you're right....your std tests you had once you found out you were pregnant would have showed the virus. Thats why std tests are usually given when you find out your pregnant so to ensure the proper precautions are taking during the term and delivery.

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sapphiregem Honeycomb Member

sapphiregem

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you can deliver vaginally if you have HSV2 as long as your doctor is aware of your condition and does a check to see if the vaginal canal is clear of the virus, and you have not had symptoms prior to delivery. Its very possible. But you're right....your std tests you had once you found out you were pregnant would have showed the virus. Thats why std tests are usually given when you find out your pregnant so to ensure the proper precautions are taking during the term and delivery.

Whoops, my bad. I must have not read that part, just that you can't deliever vaginally if you are having an OB, then they must do a C-Section. I need to do a lot more reading on this and educate myself better. Thank you all for your support, it means so much. :)

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