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notsohappy11

My Brother Died

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My brother was recently killed in a car accident. He was only 29 and such a beautiful soul. Herpes is such a small small thing to me now :(. Puts things into perspective....

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It sure does. It could be so much worse than some occasional pain and embarrassment. Sorry for your loss.

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I am so, so sorry for your loss. That is such a tragic thing.

I had 2 of my immediate family members die within a week of each other last year. Herpes was the farthest thing from my mind, until I got a horrible OB from the stress. Nothing like a horribly painful OB to make life just that much easier.

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Yes.. so sorry to hear it. Two of my siblings died last year (unrelated deaths) within a month of each other. Yes they were young too and when I came home I contracted herpes.

Not such a great year. I think it was all the stress and of course the 'right' conditions made for the infection.

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Thank you everyone and I too am sorry for your losses :(. Lifes to short we all need to live it and be happy and if someone can't accept you then move on there WILL be someone who will :). I promise !!! Herpes truly is nothing to stress about cancer and life threatening conditions ARE , not a little bump down there .........not trying to minimize it just wanting to really put this into perspective :). HUGS to my H friends ;).

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Have to agree with you.. It's a minor annoyance in the scope of things.

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It took someone dying for me to realize that too.

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It sounds awful, but the death of my closest friend has now been demoted to the second-worst thing that has ever happened in my life. His death was his...and in a certain sense only concerns him. After he died I remember feeling like he was dead...but I was alive. The event seemed meaningful...and this is what makes death tragic...the sense, however vague, however painful, that we have made contact with something bigger than ourselves. Herpes is not tragic in this sense. It is a reminder that life is meaningless. It has ruined my sex life, maybe forever. The outbreaks never stop. There is no "after" herpes...just a pure experience of loss with no gain in meaning. It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me, by far.

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It sounds awful, but the death of my closest friend has now been demoted to the second-worst thing that has ever happened in my life. His death was his...and in a certain sense only concerns him. After he died I remember feeling like he was dead...but I was alive. The event seemed meaningful...and this is what makes death tragic...the sense, however vague, however painful, that we have made contact with something bigger than ourselves. Herpes is not tragic in this sense. It is a reminder that life is meaningless. It has ruined my sex life, maybe forever. The outbreaks never stop. There is no "after" herpes...just a pure experience of loss with no gain in meaning. It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me, by far.

Thanks ncnnulty for your candor. I always appreciate your writings. It is true for me that I would rather have my brother and sister back, but saying that Herpes is up there. I think so much of one's perspective depends on the outbreaks and where one is in life. My outbreaks are minimal, minimal.. I'm older and in a relationship. My other half is okay with the whole herpes thing. Mind you, sex is still a huge problem for me. I've frozen up. Sex is nothing to be sneezed at. It is at the core of our being. It is so tied up with who we are. I wish I could take it all away from you but I can't. I know you are not asking for my empathy, but it is just how I feel. ...

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I know exactly what you are going thru. I lost my younger sister who died from ALS last july. I know the pain you are going thru right now because I been there and am still there. Pm me if you need to talk. and your right hsv is a small thing compared to other things. I say a prayer for you and your family .

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Im so so sorry to hear this.

Lots of people are worst off than us, some are wheel chair bound, or blind, or deaf... i would much rather have herpes.

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    • Sanguine108
      I'm sorry you gotta go through this. Something worth trying in the more painful/active stages is an herb called japanese knotweed.  The resveratrol supplements will use Japanese knotweed to derive resveratrol from so you should be able to find it locally.   The latin name for Japanese knotweed is Polygonum cuspidatum.   It's an herb that's traditionally used for venereal diseases... It clears the heat and toxicity from the liver channel and the liver channel is associated with the genitalia. There's another supplement called Echinacea Goldenseal from Gaia Herbs.  Call around to see if people actually stock this.   It's another heat/inflammation clearing and immune stimulating formula.  They also have a little st. john's wort in it, which regenerates nerves and is antiviral to HSV. If I were you,  I would do a Sitz bath.  If you have snazzy places to get herbs then great, if not you could try making a garlic sitz bath... Pour a quart of boiling hot water over a chopped bulb of garlic and allow it to steep/infuse until it comes to an appropriate temperature.  Pour the garlic infused water in a basin and sit in it to where it covers the anal and genital areas. Sit for 10-20 minutes.
        You could also prepare a vaginal(and anal) wash...
      Prepare a douche/wash by combing 1 oz of a berberine plant (e.g, goldenseal, barberry, oregon grape...) tincture and 1 oz of lemon balm tincture in a pint of water and use it to douche 3x daily.  OR just get Yin Care, which is a patent vaginal wash for issues like this.
      https://www.amazon.com/Arbor-International-Herbal-3-4oz-100ml/dp/B0009Y2EVK Hope this helps and that you have relief. 
    • LynnT
      Oh and about whether or not to disclose, please see my above response to Sarah, it's generally applicable. Good luck.
    • LynnT
      Back to the original post - seems it got lost in the Sarah related chats.  Amandac- I have always told my partners before sex, with one exception (also I have hsv2). It was a scenario just like yours - things moved fast and all the sudden we were in his bed, and yes we used a condom as well. So I felt super guilty after, even though I tried to tell myself as long as we used protection he'd be safe. But I liked him and hated feeling like I was lying to him. So soon after we were texting and I said I needed to tell him something and could we talk later. Well of course he then called me even though I was not ready to have the chat. But he was really concerned for me and so I just blurted it out on the phone and said usually I tell guys first but the other night was such a whirlwind etc. Well he was so mad he hung up on me. Before him I had probably told 8 guys over the prior 9 years and never had any men rejected me. But I felt his reaction was warranted since I told him after the fact. We ended up talking about it over text a lot. He was extremely upset I would risk his health - we had made out in the hottub and rubbed bodies briefly. I cried and apologized over n over, told him I really liked him but I would understand if he didn't want to see me anymore. I said I'd stop texting and if he wanted to talk to me I would let him initiate things. Well it took a few days of silence but he did text me and we hung out and decided to keep on since we really liked each other. Anyways we didn't last because I went back to my ex but that is how I handled that situation. I know text or phone might seem wussy but who cares, it's easier. And the other person isn't put on the spot like they would be in person. Choose a method of communication that makes you comfortable. Good luck to you!!
    • LynnT
      Not having one for years is not a guarantee you'll never have one. Sarah - you seem to want people to agree with you. You keep arguing with what everyone is saying by explaining how you're justifying giving the guy 90% of the truth. What you do is totally up to you, but I think the overall consensus is that total honesty is better, especially if you're serious about the guy. Are you scared adding the word genital to the diagnosis will scare him away? At the very least please be honest to yourself as to why you are only giving him partial truth. Good luck.
    • LynnT
      If you have zero income Planned Parenthood should give you a sliding scale fee...or at least they used to long ago. Otherwise put it on a credit card if you can? Seems important to know.
    • Lisajd
      @Bpp and @Whoreallyknows I have had genital herpes for just over a year now and at first I was really upset about it mostly because of the people who I had to tell ie men and that was my biggest fear that I would not meet anyone again.   But apart from that if you manage your outbreaks you won't even know that you have it until the time comes the you have to disclose to somebody else and what I realise now is that you cant assume.  I told quite a few of my friends and colleagues and that really helped me and they all said oh well it's very common or I don't really know much about it and that's where you realise that its ok to have hsv.  Sure they will be people who will judge you and reject you but as you get older you realise what's important in life and who are important in your life and you certainly don't need people who are negative towards you or judge you.  Try and reach out to your friends because they obviously care about you and I'm sure if you know them well enough you know that they won't look at you any differently and I remember one girl she told a friend and that friend had had herpes for years.  Remember it is very common you just don't know who has what these days
    • Lisajd
      @oneday if you read through the thread you will see that she has not had any outbreaks for a few years
    • Scared7777
      What is your update? I read the review on Amazon that one shouldn't take this long term. Sounds like it might be good for an outbreak.
    • Whoreallyknows
      @Bpp, I am in your exact same shoes...I wanted to quote everything you said. I went to my Dr Tuesday and was basically diagnosed on site and prescribed the meds. They called today saying I have herpes. But I have used up all my pto days and my coworkers are like family so everyone has been asking me what's wrong...I work with some of my best friends so they're all super worried bc I haven't been talking to them. I dropped off the face of the earth and I don't know what to tell everyone as they know me so well and won't accept an 'I was sick' excuse. I was in communication with 3 of them in particular who knew I was going to my gyno to get new bc...I am just so lost.  But I am in so much pain...it hurts to just exist at this point bc there is no comfortable position I can find.  I have to go to work tomorrow and I'm dreading it...there's also the fact I work with the man who I believe gave it to me. I'm terrified to put anything on my sores it just hurts so bad. My mom was going to get me aloe Vera gel but apparently was advised against it because of assitional chemicals in it? But I've very young too and was feeling free and independent for the first time in my life and I feel like it's bering ripped away. I don't mean to be a downer, it's just remarkable how much I can relate to your situation. I wish you the best.
    • oneday
      What will you tell him when you actually have a genital outbreak but no oral outbreak? 
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