everyone upset about being "rejected"...

[InShock]

I realize I am new to the boards, and this seems like a great place for support and advice, so I don't really want to make enemies... but I have been reading a lot of posts and something is bothering me.

I really think everyone who cries "REJECTION" needs to re-think their stance.

We say that we are the "converted" and we're educated and there is such an awful "stigma" and yes, before we had it, we would have rejected the person too, but now that we are "SO EDUCATED," our position would be different.

But would it really?

Put yourself in this VERY hypothetical position:

Some clinic in East Buttfuck comes up with a potential cure and they ask for infected volunteers to undergo the testing. You volunteer, and VOILA! you are cured. But the cure isn't approved yet so it's not widespread... but at least you got your life back! PRAISE JESUS!

Six months down the road, you are dating someone and things are going well, and just as you are about to embark on sex, he or she tells you those awful words you never wanted to have to speak yourself: "I have herpes."

What would you do?

You've already lived through it once. You KNOW how awful it is. But you also understand the "stigma" and feel bad about "rejecting" this person for something you yourself once suffered from.

But would YOU take the risk?

Would YOU chance it for this person you care about?

Would you risk going BACK to this awful life that, for some hypothetical reason by the grace of whatever you worship, you were somehow able to leave?

You've lived with herpes once. Would you take the risk again?

I know I wouldn't. No matter how awful it feels to be rejected, I can assure you that, if I was on the other side of the fence (and I wish to god every day that I was), I would absolutely be the one doing the rejecting.

The man who gave me herpes was someone I thought I loved with all of my heart and soul. But if he had been honest with me and told me the truth, there is NO WAY I would have pursued the relationship and taken the risk for him. NO MATTER HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM. NO WAY. And not just BEFORE I had the disease, either. If I somehow got cured, I wouldn't take the risk again. Not even for the man of my dreams, the father of my child, or Jesus Christ himself. NOT A CHANCE IN HELL. I WOULD NOT TAKE THE RISK.

Would you?

[tothefuture]

Good question, and I'm honestly not sure. If he were my soul-mate then I would like to think I would. But then I only get mild outbreaks so perhaps that makes a difference. Most days I see it as a coldsore so I would like to think I wouldn't let a coldsore get in the way of happiness.

Anything less than my soul-mate - then absolutely not.

I'm not sure what you mean when you refer to people who cry rejection on here. There's lots of stories where people have been rejection, but I don't think many of those people blamed the person who'd rejected them (there's also more stories where people have been totally accepted).

[A Little Bit Curious]

If I knew that there was a cure out there, then I would obviously get them to get "cured" too.

But if I was "clean", and in this stage of my life, probably not. I know that sounds harsh, but I'm so young, I have so much to live through because I can even think of committing myself to one person and settling down. I would probably stay close to them however, and be understanding enough to give them support.

[BoxofRain]

I am 23 and would definitely not take the risk if I had the chance. Its the reality of it and people can say what the want but i dont know anyone that has ever taken the risk or wants to at my age, if they are clean.

[cdngirl]

That is something I've asked myself MANY times.

That is what gets so depressing. I know the answer and it's not the answer I wish were the real answer.

[tothefuture]

Is it just me but does it piss anyone else off using the 'clean' word. Trust me, I'm clean. Three showers a-day etc. Maybe I'm sensitive (been told that before) but I have this fucking virus and I'm more 'clean' than ANY one I've met.

[cdngirl]

FOR SURE!!! It makes me feel like "shite" when people say that. I'm not a freak- I just have really frickin' bad luck, if it werne't for that then i'd have no luck at all...

[Lookin4Sun]

Well, I must say that I probably sound like an idealist, but I have to be honest. If I didn't have H and met someone who did, and we got into a relationship where we cared about each other and I saw true potential there, then yes, I would take the risk.

I have herpes. I have an annoying skin virus that unfortunately can show up in some "sensitive" places. It is NOT a death sentence or something that has ruined my life. I am the same person now as I was before and if I act like I'm not then that's my own fault. That isn't to say that I don't understand if someone chooses not to date someone with H. That is their right and people have to do what is right for them. For me, if I felt that someone was worth it, I would totally take the risk. I am not going to let an annoying, non-life threatening virus get in the way of my happiness. Life is too short to let it be dictated by such a thing.

[whofan27]

That's a surprisingly easy question to answer...

The answer is, if I cared about the person, I'd put my fears aside. Why do I know this? Because I was already there once.

I met a woman and we hit it off. On our 4th date, she broke down crying and told me she had Herpes. I told her I saw our relationship going places and didn't want that being the deciding factor as to whether we continue to date. We eventually got married, and 3 years after that "talk", I had my first OB. I think she was more upset than I was.

Of course, now that I'm single again, I'm actually a bit scared to tell people; of course, I would ALWAYS prefer the knowledge that someone was able to make an educated choice rather than feel like I screwed them over for life. But, I've now scared off a woman that I was REALLY into. I told her. At least I feel good knowing I was honest up-front.

Of course, I wasn't so happy within the first few hours.