Since I found out I only want to cry...

[lil_chica44]

I was just diagnosed this past tuesday. When the doctor came in and told me I almost lost it right there in the doctors office. I left the doctors office feeling so out of place and not sure of what I was going to do. How was I going to tell my boyfriend of the past 6 months (who the doctor suspected had infected me seeing as this had been my first outbreak)? And what in the hell had he just done to me (even though I knew he was unaware that he had even had anything at all)? What was I going to tell my mother who thought that I had the worst yeast infection she had ever heard of? All I wanted to do is cry. Finally after all of these thoughts had crossed my mind I went home and laid on my boyfriends chest and cried but at the time he was none the wiser. I made him go to pick up my new medication at the pharmacy with me and as we sat in the drive-thru line to pick up my medicine I couldn't figure out how I was going to tell him this new life altering event that I had just been told. I had knots in my stomach and felt like I wanted to puke. So when I got my medication I handed him the paper attached to the bag with the medicine in it that said what my new medication was. He looked at me and asked me why in the hell I needed Valtrax and I told him for the exact reason the medicine was made. He was in shock, as I had been since I left the doctors office. All he could say was " I don't know how in the hell this happened." And he kept apologizing to me for what he had obviously given me. We talked about it for a small amount of time before we decided that neither of us knew what in the world to do and all we wanted to do was go to the bar and drink. So off we went trying to go about our life like we usually did at the bar but something just felt off. We went home later that evening and went to bed and he just held me really tight and didn't let go. But since then we haven't said anything about it really. I'm trying to be strong but during the day something will set me off and just make me cry. I feel so upset with myself, upset with this diagnosis, upset with the world. I don't feel like myself anymore. And even as I type this message here I feel the urge to cry. So my question is: How do you just go on with your life as you did before you were diagnosed? How do you keep from crying at any little thought about it?

[cdngirl]

Unfortunatley you cannot go on with your life as it was beofre. Your life has changed...like it or not. If you feel the need to cry, CRY! I know I did- sometimes still do...it is not an easy thing to cope with. If he continues to be of support it will be really helpful for you! If you have the luxery, take a bit off work or whatever and just cry or whatever you need to do. While a few friends didn't understand, they were supportive and that was my saving grace. When i contracted the disease, my partner did not have any signs and from what I understand men are able to pass it on without EVER developing symptoms. Do as much research as possible over the net, it will help you understand yourself a bit more and your new realities...

I hope this helps...any other questiosn?

[Tonic]

I know exactly how you feel. TRUST me. All I have DONE is cry. I did not think that it was humanly possible to be able to cry this much.

I know it may not help much, but please know that you are not alone. I have only recently been diagnosed and I am having my first OB as well, but just having started posting on here, everyone has been SO helpful and SO nice and it is comforting.

I think that you and I are lucky in the respect that our boyfriends are sticking by our sides. (My boyfriend has it as well-I got it from him also). Maybe your boyfriend hasn't discussed it with you since the initial conversation because HE feels horrible and guilty. I know that my boyfriend is beating himself up horribly because he passed it on to me. I am SURE that if I did just start talking to him about it, he would choose to keep silent about it as well. But I keep saying things like "I read that this may help during an outbreak" and so on. He seems responsive thus far.

I hope you are feeling better. And if you need to talk, I am here.

[cdngirl]

Acutally you are lucky, Tonic is correct! The person I got it from, I found out after knowing him for over 1yr (not dating that long but friends) that he and I were not getting back together and that he was seeing some Russian girl. He was supportive for a few days while he was in shock and that was the end of that! Then I found out a while ago he blocked me from communicating with him in all ways and recently learned he is now living in middle-east/asia or something with the Russian girl he was with during that time.

So you haven't talked to your partner at all? You really should! I would think it would help. Being able to talk to my ex for a few days was great. So enjoy that you have it. I contracted the disease Dec3rd of 2005 and was informally diagnosed shortly thereafter, and officially diagnosed about 1yr ago. Can I help at all? Any other questions?