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I am Terrified...just diagnosed yesterday


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I found out yesterday that I am infected with Herpes. I never really new much about any kind of STD because I never thought it could happen tome...i know it sounds cliche, but am 27 years old and have only had three sexual partners in my life. I have been with my boyfriend for the past four years and when I got the news yesterday I was so scared to tell him. So many thoughts went through my head, but the reoccuring question that I have been asking myself is WHY ME??????????? I feel so devistated, I fell like I dont't know how to move on from this point, I am so scared that my boyfriend will leave me or even worse that he will never desire me again. He seems to be pretty scared himself, he is going to get checked today, but in the meantime I am so scared that my life will never be the same again. Several times since yesterday I have thought to myself that I would rather much be dead, only because I feel that I will never be able to get through this. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed and the worst part is that I have no idea how I got infected if I have been with the same person for the past four years. I don't get it!!!!!! I am so confused and have no idea how to begin accpting this and coping with it.

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I felt just the same as you when I was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago. It has taken ages for me and my partner to work out what the hell happened.

After tests it turns out my boyfriend has HSV 1 orally and genitally. He has had cold sores since he was a kid and it's likey he gave himself genital herpes. His outbreaks on his penis are so small and unoticable he never realised what they were until I ended up with my first OB on and in my vagina.

I felt angry and dirty too. I was diagnosed first and was so upset. It's all so confusing and isolating, so I want to reassure you that you WILL eventually find your way out into the clear water soon. Some of this will eventually make sense. Keep reading the things you find here on this site, find out what virus you have, and most of all....look after yourself.

Keep communicating openly with your partner, you will work this out between you if you are honest, patient and kind with eachother. It doesnt matter who got it first, gave it to who blah blah blah, what matters is how you deal with it from here on.

The future is bright and the pain WILL go away. xx

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello :o) Thanks for replying. Actually since I made my first post things ave gotten somewhat better. At first my boyfriend was extremely scared and confused and decised he needed sometime alone to think about what had happened. At first he was persistant on focusing on how I got it, but I told him it was useless because I could possibly never find out. He since has gotten tested and his results came back negative, but like your boyfriend, I believe he may have had unnoticeble OB in the past and has not realized it. Anyhow, it helped a lot to just finally take it in and kind of accept it rather than making myself go crazy trying to figure out WHY ME. You are compeltely right, it all comes down to how you decide to live your life from this point on......an I have decided to resume my life and live to the fullest because what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger. Since then, my boyfriend is more understanding about it and has decided that he loves me too much to let this get in the way. Now the only thing that we have to overcome is feeling confortable with being intimate again. Thanks so much for replying, I hope you are doing well. HAPPY VALENTINES's DAY, xoxo

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    • Ric12321
      it's actually because of bareback bj...
    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
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