4 years running and still freaked out

[Guest Anonymous]

It has been 4 years now and I am still more confussed than ever. I try really hard to educate myself by reading forums and searching the web for information on the disease. I hear so many people comment that it's "just a skin condition" when it really is not. It is an emotional rollercoaster in which you have to find control over. I too experience good and bad days. The bad always come when I meet a boy who I like and we both want to have sex. It is mentally draining to battle with your wits over whether or not to have sex and if you choose to, how you are going to tell your partner. My greatest fear is that with my partner NOT accepting my condition, they will pass along the information to others. Only my good close personal friend know I have type 2 herpes and to think that one more person will look at me differently kills me inside. I beat myself up all the time and it's a constant reminder that I must have done something wrong for God to punish me this way. Honestly I sometime wish I would die from the disease so I wouldn't have to deal with it, but since I know I won't, I have to come to terms with my emotions and truck on.

I am an attractive 27 y/o girl, with a great personality and a nice body, so it's only natural for boys to want to ask me out. My issue is being attracted to them in return but not wanting to deal with another person knowing I have herpes. It's devastating for me.

Right now I am very attracted to my neighbor and want to have a relationship with him. He's funny, nice and sweet, however, he isn't interested in anything serious so it doesn't seem logical for me to mention anything about it to him. It's never easy to say to someone you like, "Oh, by the way, I have herpes. You want to have sex?"

Anyway, without being too long winded, I still am uncertain of myself and have never felt so alone even though there are so many people infected. I don't know one single person with herpes so I can't even talk openly with anyone who can relate. It's frustrating, degrating and I feel "broken" and dirty more times than none. I'm sure I will come to terms, but probably not until I find a man who is willing to accept me for me and take me with everything I have...including the herpes.

[Guest Anonymous]

i know what you mean and you can contact me.

i have had it for six years now, and i know exactly how you feel. i have good days and bad days. i have read many of the other posts and it helps me feel connected and like someone other than my closest friends will listen and talk and allow grieving and healing. i'm 26 and a pretty girl as well and i get accused of being gay sometimes (and i'm not) because i turn down guys due to insecurities about my HSV and what they might say to others. it is horrifying sometimes, sad at other times, sometimes i feel strong like its not a big deal and it doesn't subtract what i have to offer anyone. i read other posts and i'm sad and glad at the same time when i see others feel the same and sincerely understand what i go through. interesting question though, why do i not see many posts from guys here? have i not looked enough or are women mostly the ones who feel comfortable wanting to share and heal with each other about this? i sure hope that guys feel free to find help too, we ALL can find comfort in each other and acceptance.

[Guest Anonymous]

It's thoughts like yours that are going to bring a cure for this fucking disease one day... Bringing together thoughts and ideas make cures.... My heart truly goes out to you two.... Hang in there vacines in Europe are coming in with mixed results in women.... Testing will start in the United State soon... Stabilized liquid oxygen also looks very promissing... If you guys ever need to talk I'm here for you and btw I am a guy so guys do come on here to share info....

Rich

[Guest Anonymous]

This is my first time being on this site and feel like I am connected to the people on this site. Well I just have a few words to say about your problem. I know it

[Guest Anonymous]

did any of you see 28 Days Later?

The movie with the crazed, zombie-like people who are called 'infecteds' by the heroes of the film? That's how I feel right now - infected, and slightly crazed. I just found out this morning and it's all I've thought about for the entire day. If/When I get to sleep tonight I'll probably dream about a giant red lesion that follows me around everywhere I go.

It might be a little easier to take if I could talk to a loving, caring partner about it, but I picked up the H-bomb from a casual encounter. It's going to be a barrel of laughs getting back in touch with her to break the news. Hey, remember me... from the party... 'cause I sure as hell am never gonna forget you.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I'm glad this forum exists or I'd be one step away from the funny farm right now. I'm still too much in shock to talk to my friends or family about it, so I need an outlet. It was hell being at work today having to interact with people after I had just found out.... "So, how you doin' today?" "Well, aside from learning I recently contracted a lifelong viral infection that will make it impossible to have a normal dating life ever again, I guess I'd say everything's peaches."

I really, really, REALLY, R-E-A-L-L-Y like dating and loving and kissing and squeezing and making love and sometimes just plain fucking, and now I feel like it's all over. I'm so terrified of passing this on to someone else that I don't even want to flirt anymore. It's hard to find love when you're too ashamed to even be looking. I guess I should've thought about all this beforehand, eh? Too late now.

I know there are people out there who are worse off than me, but when you're in your 20s and you start comparing yourself to people with cancer in order to cheer yourself up that's not a good sign.

Maybe I'll go back to school and study biology so I can find the cure. When I do, you all will be the first to know.

[Dave__Who]

It's going to be a barrel of laughs getting back in touch with her to break the news. Hey' date=' remember me... from the party... 'cause I sure as hell am never gonna forget you. [/quote']

Good point..

[bocephalus]

empathy...

hey!

i'm posting this reply primarily for guests OMG & Amby. rarely do i post a reply, but after reading your submissions i felt compelled to share a male perspective (at least my male perspective)

i found out about my herpes about a year ago, and although i've my bad days and good days too, i guess i can say that i'm dealing with it pretty well. i, too, feel sometimes that i'm "damaged goods" and will end up unloved and lonely...and it's a stone drag. i'm 35, decent enough looking and have no problems meeting nice women...but i often refrain from pursuing it any farther for the same reasons you mentioned, ie; fear of rejection upon the disclosure of my "condition". what makes it more of a drag is that having a good sexual relationship has always been really important to me - y'know, that kind of intimate connection.

two things keep me going, though:

one is the idea that if i ever really fell for someone, and the shoe was on the other foot (so to speak) and they disclosed to me their herpes status, that condition would be the last thing on my mind. i know that i could fall in love with someone with herpes, and even more so by the fact that they cared enough about me to disclose it honestly...

secondly, imagine if you honestly felt for someone so deeply that you were willing to come clean with them (out of respect and caring) and when you two sat down for that "chat", they disclosed the same thing right back at ya...which might be more common than any of us think. just think about that - seeing how it's such a big secret, the person that we all might fall for might be keeping the same secret. wouldn't that be a relief, finding a new friend with whom you could share that much more, but also feeling that much more accepted. not that herpes is good or anything, but i really believe that we're all capable of being loved with it.

on a personal note, i'd sure dig meeting someone else in our mutual shoes - no doubt we'd have lots of experiences to share, and in that sharing, establish a deeper connection.

there you go...not that my perspective is reflective of my gender, but that's my perspective.

bocephalus...

[Guest Anonymous]

i have had herpes for six years and to be honest i dont let it bopther me like it used to. There is so much american shit on herpes on the internet with lots of false stuff on the internet. ie you can pass it towels toilets etc.i have unprotected sex with a few boyfriend s and they have never caught it. i have never given my herpes to anyone. when i first caught it i was in bed for a week being sick i had to piss in the bath.The bastard guy denyied given it to me plus he had a girl friend at the time. There are alot worse things to have in life than a fucking cold sore that appears on your gentials sometimes. i have been there though for the first years that i was diagnosed very depressed never thought that i would beable to meet anyone. it was the herpes assiocation in england that gave me support and facts. i have heard so many crap about this one woman killed herself when the doctor told her that she could not have children cause she had herpessoem doctors dotn knwo the true facts. the attacks do get less and lesss after the first year and a half I have alot of friends who have herpes well cold sores on their mouth and they dont sit moaning about whether they will beable to meet somone if they are going to pass it on. so why should it be differnet if it on your gentials it is more acceptable to have herpes on the face than on your gential area. do people with cold sores say ok before i kiss you a few years ago i had a few outbreaks of cold sores. plus also the viral sheding chance of transmission is very low. so people should really stop worrying. did you know that even if you were having a outbreak and had sex most people woudl not catch it cause they already have some protection though having herpes type one which is cold sores. last night i saw a tv programme about a stupid woman who would only date a man who also had herpes. ok will herpes isnt nice she should be lucky that she does not have aids or cancer or a limb missing. i would much rather have herpes anyday of the week. pathetic living your live around a cold sore. Poeple with cold sores dont go around saying i am only going to date other people with cold sores. I have had a few boyfriends and not told them about my condition because i didnt feel the need to and are not infected plus they gave me lots of oral sex which was nice!!! the next timei saw they werent walking around with big fuck off cold sores on their face. the worse thing that can happen is that you pass it on to somone and that is small if you are careful my advice do not tell the other person untill you have a good relationship with them. people should stop worrying about it the worse thing that can happen is they get it ut at the end of the day it is a cold sore you are not going to die or lose you hair it may be uncomftable for a bit sometimes but the outbreack do get less in time and evenually stop in some do yuthink that the person that gave it you that it is stopping them living their lives that they are sat at home depressed thinking about it i think not.whenyou fist meet someone youshould use a condom anyway not for them but to protect yourselve cause they could have something a lot worse than herpes.

[Faith]

i have unprotected sex with a few boyfriend s and they have never caught it. i have never given my herpes to anyone.

How do you know? They all got blood test and informed you the result?

when i first caught it i was in bed for a week being sick i had to piss in the bath.The bastard guy denyied given it to me plus he had a girl friend at the time.

I see where your pain and hatred are coming from....

I have alot of friends who have herpes well cold sores on their mouth and they dont sit moaning about whether they will beable to meet somone if they are going to pass it on. so why should it be differnet if it on your gentials it is more acceptable to have herpes on the face than on your gential area. do people with cold sores say ok before i kiss you a few years ago i had a few outbreaks of cold sores.

What other people do matters to you?

plus also the viral sheding chance of transmission is very low. so people should really stop worrying. did you know that even if you were having a outbreak and had sex most people woudl not catch it cause they already have some protection though having herpes type one which is cold sores.

Did you go to herpes association just to get those probability of passing it on to someone else, and give you excuses to be careless to others...?

I have had a few boyfriends and not told them about my condition because i didnt feel the need to and are not infected plus they gave me lots of oral sex which was nice!!! the next timei saw they werent walking around with big fuck off cold sores on their face. the worse thing that can happen is that you pass it on to somone and that is small if you are careful my advice

Again, how do you know that they didn't get the virus? Herpes virus can stay in your body without showing any visible symptom, and still can be passed on to someone else.

do not tell the other person untill you have a good relationship with them.

Then....

Do not have sex with a person until you have a good relationship with him and you tell him your true condition.

people should stop worrying about it the worse thing that can happen is they get it ut at the end of the day it is a cold sore you are not going to die or lose you hair

Gosh...

What you wrote was just a bunch of excuses...

Doesn't make sense to me at all....

At least you know that you have herpes ( either type 1 or 2 ), then use the knowledge to take care of others and yourself!

Faith

[depressing]

OMG, I totally feel your pain! Sometimes I want to kill myself over it too, but I won't, because now I have a loving husband. I am 20, attractive with a nice body, and could only imagine what you are going through. I certainly hope you find someone for you. Just build trust with someone until it works out, come clean, and see what happens.

[RN]

Asymptomatic Shedding

So much for the low chance of transmission due to asymptomatic shedding. I am an OB nurse and my fiance and I have only slept with each other. He has had HSV type one on his mouth since he was about 6 years old. We are both college educated and knew that HSV could be transmitted via oral sex. So, whenever he felt the tingling sensation on his lip (only 1-2 times per year), he would abstain from kissing me for days! This worked for three years, I never had HSV on my mouth or genitals. So, when I experienced my first HSV outbreak (on genitals) this year, I was shocked. He had no idea that the virus was actively shedding. He had no symptoms. I also had a horrible initial outbreak because I had never been exposed to HSV. I felt like I had the flu for a week. He had a very mild outbreak a few days after mine started. We tried everything possible to prevent std's. We abstained from sex until we met each other (in our early 20's) and he tried to protect me from HSV. I am sure that we are not the only unlucky couple out there, so please use protection...even during oral sex.

[123]

DEAR D'NILE,

YOUR POST IS THE FUNNIEST I'VE EVER READ! YOU CAN FLIRT WITH ME ANYTIME! (JOKES) YOU'RE RIGHT ON SO MANY LEVELS, FEELING LIKE DATING IS OVER, BOTH LOVE AND JUST SEX, FEELING LIKE YOU'RE NEXT STOP COULD BE THE FUNNY FARM, EVERYTHING YOU SAID I COULD RELATE TO AND THOUGHT WAS A FUNNY WAY OF PUTTING IT, I THINK IM PRETTY I'VE ALWAYS GOTTEN OFFERS FROM MEN, KNOW I FEEL GUILTY JUST FLIRTING, GOD SAVE US, JANAYA

[crazyinct]

hey

Hey, I'm a guy and I was just diagnosed yesterday. I feel everything you guys just said now. Im going to be 30 in a week and one casual time got me this even though I thought I was "safe". I'm scared and losing my mind, everyone asks me how I am doin at work. I feel like I want to commit suicide every other hour. I know peopel who have it but I feel like I lost so much more than them. I even just started dating someone new and I'm sick to my stomach on how to tell her....I've been avoiding calling her because of this. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I know people are worse off than me but then why do I feel so sick, why do I feel like my world is ending. Am I ever going to meet somone, I mean it was hard before now it's quite impossible I think. How does everyone deal with this everyday? Cause I don't think I'm gonna hold up through the night...