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Worried bout my Friends finding out!!


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I was diagnosed a month ago. Of course I have played out in my mind how I would tell a new boyfriend (Im single now) that I have H. I'm not really so much worried about that, I am more worried about my friends finding out.

For example, say if a guy I was dating was within my circle of friends or at my work. I tell him I am Herpes pos and he freaks out, rejects me AND tells all my friends and coworkers. I don't want to have to feel like I can only date complete strangers for the rest of my life.

Has anyone experienced this or have any suggestions for how to get over this fear?

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no advice.........feel the same exact way but for me it is so severe that i am fully prepared to only date people that are not in my circle of friends.........if i ever even date again in my future. However, my outlook is negative but i care too much about my life being ruined by such a scenario. People are cruel and sometimes ignorant and will reject you as a result of the gossip but then you also have to think if these people are worthy to be your friends, or more importantly you are considering some of these people as potential dates then if they will gossip and be cruel and tell everyone then they may not be the best candidates in the first place for a date right? you either have to decide if you are ok with the potential for everyone to know and if so then take the chance but if you think you cant handle that then dont date within your circle of friends. Only you can choose what is right or worth it to you. good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

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The only advice I can give is just to make sure that you trust the person you are dating before telling them. If they are a good person and worthy of your trust, one would hope they would respect your privacy and not say anything to anyone else. Granted, just because you hope that doesn't mean they won't say anything so yes, you are taking a risk. But if you are interested in dating someone who happens to be in your circle of friends, isn't your happiness worth the risk?

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No work flings!

I am a HUGE advocate in support of NOT dating co-workers. I think this is the biggest mistake one can make. Every single person I know who has dated a co-worker has had nothing but PROBLEMS and DRAMA that affects the whole work place in the most negative fashion.

Now I know, I know...there are a few exceptions to the rule....big exclamation point on the "FEW".....most end disastorously, forget about lil ole herpes. And people gossip.....your new paramour might let it "slip" to one of his/her buddies that you have herpes, they tell others...next thing you know the whole office/company/corporation is talking about it. Crappy, I know, but that is human nature. And people ARE very cruel and very ignorant when it comes to herpes. THAT is the reality.

I would say you don't have to only date people who are herpes positive or on a herpes website, although, THAT can make things a little easier on you, because then there is no issue with the whole "telling" phase. They will KNOW and UNDERSTAND. Just meet people as you normally would, and take things slow.If you find some one who is a "keeper" or has much potential, and you think things are going to move on to a more sexual nature...then tell them. Most people are very understanding, some might turn you down because of it, and that is their right, but they won't neccesarily be malicious about it. It sucks that we ahve to go through this whole extra "step" in the dating ritual, but it is what it is. So long as you are being honest and upfront, then screw what everybody else thinks and has to say.

I know how you feel about people finding out....nobody knows my condition other than my man (who btw, IS H negative) my best friend, and my sister. That is it. The only people who matter to me know. I would have told my mother, but she is such a tender heart and has so much on her plate, it would worry her unneccesarily, so I do not tell her. Not because she would judge me or anything, but because of the aforementioned reasons. But otherwise, my personal life is nobodies business, and I like to keep it that way.

Good luck in dating. Have fun with it! DOn't let it be a burden, don't let H be the dark cloud over your head. Take care!

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Guest dangermouse
For example, say if a guy I was dating was within my circle of friends or at my work. I tell him I am Herpes pos and he freaks out, rejects me AND tells all my friends and coworkers.

I was in an office once where a guy spread rumours about another colleague having herpes, incorrectly (as far as I knew), and with the objective of putting a pretty coworker off dating him.

Herpes can be a weapon. Handle with care.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Your friends may be stronger than you think

Dating someone at work is generally a bad idea no matter what the circumstances. As far as your friends finding out - you never know which one of your friends may have H as well. I was diagnosed with H2 in July and have been fairly open about this with my close friends. Since then I have found out that several of my friends are also H2 positve. (surprise, surprise) I've come to realize that for me H is not that big of a deal - there are alot of people dealing with this and your true friends will love and support you no matter what. Just make sure you choose good friends! Good luck!

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I think we give it too much power.... everyone I know knows I have it... the best way to get rid of stigma is to show that anyone can get it... there is power given to others when it is a secret.... take away their power...

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Absolutely one of the hardest parts if not the hardest is the stigma of GH. It totally sucks. I went almost 5 years without sex simply b/c i did not want to even have to face the "talk" or the backlash if things didn't work out. But, you cannot spend your life alone. I have truly found the greatest guy in the world and after a few weeks I told him about the first encounter I had with GH (10 yrs ago). We have since gone to my ob/gyn together to find out how we are going to go about having another child with the least amount of risk involved. We went together so I could get tested (blood) to determine which strain I have. Which by the way was HSV 2 and I was positive it was going to be HSV 1 since the person I got it from had visible cold sores. There are good guys/girls out there. There is life after HSV. Just be picky about the person and you don't have to tell them immediately. Obviously tell them before you put them at risk. But nonetheless, the right person will accept all your faults.

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I decided to date a friend after a long friendship and we hooked-up for about a year. I passed GH to him and even though he was fully aware of the risk, he won't talk to me now. I don't suggest dating friends, co-workers or anyone who knows your friends or co-workers. The world is bigger than you think, branch out! It's not worth the pain or loss of the friendship.

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