Relieved to find support

[aprildawn24]

I was diagnosed two and a half years ago with herpes-1. It was discovered because I had what I thought was a killer yeast infection and went in to the doctor. I quit dating for a long time because I just didn't know how to broach the subject. I've only told one person and she lives on the other side of the country so I can't just call her anytime I need advice on how to handle dating and sex. I miss sex. Don't get me wrong, I still have protected sex when I'm not having outbreaks, but my "lack of interest" when I have outbreaks has caused more than one guy to decide I couldn't keep him satisfied. Now I'm dating this wonderful and I don't know how to bring it up. We've only been sleeping together for a few weeks, but I can feel the irritation and I don't know how to explain that we won't be able to do anything for a little while. If anyone has any advice for me it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you... just for being here.

[ama2000]

look.... I realize it sucks to have this conversation..... I don't EVER want to have it.... but you guys are already sleeping together?? I think you really need to be having this conversation BEFORE you are sleeping with someone!!! Although you were "careful", you know as well as I that there are no guarantees for that. Maybe this is harsh, and maybe I'm wrong... but I have a feeling you will have a much harder time getting a guy to accept this issue when you DO decide to tell him, if you have already decieved him by not saying anything sooner. You're breaking the trust in your relationship before you give him the chance to accept you as is.... and who wants to knowingly put themselves in a dishonest relationship??? Just some food for thought. I hope it all works out for you.

[heiks]

hi, i am new to all this, but I realized how little knowledge there is around this topic. My friend had this for years and didn't even know she could pass it on outside of times with ob's. She evntually passed it on during an ob.

Possibly you are not aware that there is the asymptomatic shedding, and even using precaution does not mean you can't infect him.

The decision about this risk to be taken should be given to him, as I am sure everyone of us would have liked to have taken the risk knowingly.

I think if you wanna give your relationship the slightest chance to have a future the talk has to come on, he might have already been infected.

[tothefuture]

Aprildawn, this is going to sound harsh I know, but as you've had TWO AND A HALF YEARS to get yourself educated about this, I find it hard to believe you don't know that you can pass this on at any time. If you genuinely didn't know, it's not too late to alter your ways.

[tkxetf]

Tell Him!

First of all, I was infected by someone who did not tell me until it was too late. I acknowledge my contribution to the situatuation by having unprotected sex with him, but the resulting mistrust colored the relationship (which lasted 2 more years) from a very early stage.

I am now in a realtionship with a man I hope to be with forever. Before we were ever intimate I just squeezed my eyes shut really tight, put my hands over my face and said the words I had been dreading for three years. He said, "Don't cry, I appreciate you even more for giving me a choice in the matter... our morality tells us that this is the right thing to do and that tells me more about you than your Dx."

After the intial humiliation dissipated, I was able to realize how special he is on a whole new level. Don't sell your partner short, in terms of his right to decide or his ability to deal with the situation. You may be pleasantly surprised. And would you really want to be with someone who couldn't accept you for who you truly are? You deserve to know how committed he is to you in this respect, the same as he deserves to know.