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jonjames

To the people who want to sue who they got it from

87 posts in this topic

Unless they are symptomatic or know they have herpes there is no case for suing them and it is not their fault

80-90 percent of people infected with genital herpes either misdiagnose their symptoms of never have symptoms at all.

You have outbreaks because genetically your immune systems aren't as strong.

Do not try to ruin someone financially and emotionally for something they did not do intentionally.

If you engaged in sex with someone without having them get tested for herpes beforehand it is more your fault then it is theirs.

crying, joeer120, fredro12 and 2 others like this

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I actually do agree with this completely. I was just as much to blame as my giver...that's just my situation.

fredro12 and Unrequited like this

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It is equal fault in reference to your last line. The issue is MANY people claim they are clean "have nothing" we all know damn well herpes is an std to look out for at least I learned that in the 7th grade and I am 26 now. I KNEW to test for it...not run around in denial. Also MANY people KNOW they have it and don't disclose it is 100% their fault in those situations and being sued is good but not enough.

nolagirl94, ShellyD46, Pretty and 1 other like this

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I completely agree. I took responsibility and told my partner in a written letter that I didn't solely blame him....at first.

My issue is that HE KNEW and DIDN'T tell me. When I told him we needed to talk he immediately grew distant, not even knowing what the talk was about. Finally got fed up and told him the situation via text. His response was "oh that's not good". Didn't ask me what symptoms I was having or anything. I just told him something wasn't right down there. Days pass...no talk yet. When I finally got my results I texted him again we really need to talk, and he says "i haven't had a chance to go to the dr yet". So a week later and you still aren't worried? I'm confused.

What completely baffled me is when I finally was able to meet with him, I asked have you had any symptoms (again I hadn't told him any of my symptoms yet). He says, "sometimes I get bumps". Why would you immediately say that if you had no idea or didn't think anything was wrong with you! TF! Any bump down there I would have been omw to the dr. He wasn't even the least bit phased, didn't look me in my eye, and kind of smirked when I told him. Oh and another killer part...he tried to have unprotected sex with me without ever going to be tested. Wait..what? Again I'm completely confused.

But you get what I'm saying. If someone had absolutely no idea I completely understand and would be totally sympathetic. My giver will tell you at first I was completely cool about it, wrote a decent letter saying I didn't blame him. But after putting it all together I was just floored that I had been so dumb. And eventually turned crazy on him lol. It just isn't right. I'm currently seeing a friend and haven't mustard up the guts to tell him I have genital hsv. There have been instances where we were making out and he wanted to take things further. But I WOULD/WILL NOT allow it. Why? Because I know my status. He is soo frustrated by it to and he even said it out loud the last time. But I would rather him be frustrated with me than to give him this. It's just something I wouldn't dream of doing unless my partner is aware. So I don't understand nor have any remorse for people who knowingly spread this disease.

Ok I went on a rant haha. Yes it was irresponsible for me to engage in intercourse without requesting tests. But if YOU KNOW and have sex without informing your partner...I just don't get it! Yes sue them! The emotional distress this s*** has caused me! I lost 15 1bs (I'm only 105 on a good day) and literally couldn't function. But it is waht it is.

Marin, fredro12 and CaringGal like this

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Unless they are symptomatic or know they have herpes there is no case for suing them and it is not their fault

80-90 percent of people infected with genital herpes either misdiagnose their symptoms of never have symptoms at all.

You have outbreaks because genetically your immune systems aren't as strong.

Do not try to ruin someone financially and emotionally for something they did not do intentionally.

If you engaged in sex with someone without having them get tested for herpes beforehand it is more your fault then it is theirs.

I think most studies in your country show that the vast majority of herpes infections are caused by people who are unaware that they are carriers themselves, not by people who know they are positive for HSV1 or 2.

Most cases of genital herpes in Western countries these days are caused by HSV1 (a virus carried by almost the entire adult population) through oral sex. A case can also be made against carriers of other herpes viruses. Why limit legal action against herpes 1 and 2? There is HHV5 (cytomegalovirus), HHV4, that causes glandular fever and mononucleosis, there is HHV6 and HHV7. They are all "incurable".

People infected with these things [almost everybody] can spread the infection to others throughout their lives. And I suppose that if you can reach adulthood without ever catching HSV1, for example - something that never happened before in recorded history, it seems - it's possible that there are lots of people who are not positive, yet, for HHV4, 5, 6, and 7. So you may go and kiss this woman you find in a bar, and infect her with all those viruses in one single night! She can end up with a cold sore "attack" all over her face, genital herpes at the same time, mononucleosis, glandular fever, etc (while the perpetrator may not have a clue that he carries all these things and the girl carries none of these things yet). And this lady could well think that her life is over after this. She can sue for all the other viruses, that will infect her now and will never leave her body, and cannot be cured.

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I will sit here and say that yes part of this is my fault. I wasn't smart about what I did but the problem is... he knew he had it and he didn't tell me. I asked him multiple times and he still denied it. In my opinion, that's more his fault than mine because he knew and he lied. I think if you know that you have it then you need to tell the person. I'm sure we all feel the same way. But yes, I do play my role where i was at fault and didn't protect myself.

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It is only legally actionable if the giver knew they had the virus. And if this is the case then I see nothing wrong with suing the crap out of them. If I decide to walk through someones home then i'm taking a certain risk with my choice and i'm not going to sue a person for tripping over my own feet and hurting myself. If there are bear traps all over the floor of that home that I can't see, but that the owner knows about and doesn't inform me of, then i'm going to sue them blind after I get my leg caught in one. I'm a very forgiving person, but there are somethings that you just don't do.

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Both Are Responsible For Not Taken Measures But I Partialliay Agree.But Is That Also True When Your A 14 Year Old Manipulated And Brainwashed By A Legal 18 Year Old..I Disagree But I Learned To Live With My Actions And Accept The Reprocautions.Life Goes On

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My problem is the guy I was with. I told him no relations unless he uses protection and he said okay but when it came down to it, he took it off. I didn't know the difference because it was the "barely there". I found out afterwards that he put it on but took off the moment I looked away and now I tested positive for HSV2. So, this is not my fault, it is his but what can I do about? Nothing right.

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I agree with everything but the last line. It is equal faults. not everyone is going to wait to be tested. some will fib about being tested. plus even if you both get tested, general std test do not cover herpes, and most people don't know any better. so there is a fault there as well.

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Forgive and forget and mov e on with my life safely is what I'm trying to do. I never want to see the guy that infected me again!

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Ok, what if he lied about being tested, I even stated that herpes isn't on the standard STD test, and he said yes, he did, then after I am diagnosed, I find out he hasn't been to the doctor since 2008 because he has no insurance, and never had any tests! And when I tell him he needed to go to the MD and get the script for Valtex, he goes, the MD says he says the doctor told him i wont treat you until you get the tests done, this is when he had the "pimple" (in his words) on his lip, and a few like on his pubic hair line, he says " from shaving", he said the MD didn't do swabs, he had the papers for the bloodwork but wouldn't go get it done, even when I said I'll pay for it! Yes it's my fault for believing him, and believing they were pimples, because there was like 3 little things, did look like pimples, at that time I didn't know you could get them that high up, the whole "boxer area", I didn't know, I believed him. After the fact i found out you can, and they don't have to look the way I thought herpes looked. Also realized after reading about the yellowish scabs. The fact is he lied about being tested, I had just left my husband, and was scared, and if it were anyone else I would of wanted to see the test results, but I grew up with him, and trusted him.

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I had an affair with a local sheriff deputy and he told me he was positive but then told me he also has Ed and wouldn't enjoy the sexual experience wearing a "condom" since he was concerned that he was smaller than average. He also indicated he was a symptomatic and therefore not shedding. I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. I was crazy about him and couldn't get him in me fast enough. A week later symptoms showed up. I told him. He superficially appeared sympathetic but didn't do anything. I got tested and I was shocked when it came back positive. I told him. Nothing. The relationship faltered and eventually soured as I found out he was sleeping with other women including a felon he had picked up and was housing in the county paid house he lived in. I was appalled. How do I tell my husband? I am suicidally depressed and know I made a mistake. He's in law enforcement. I am screwed. What can I do? The virus attacked my immune system and I am very ill all the time now.

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I had an affair with a local sheriff deputy and he told me he was positive but then told me he also has Ed and wouldn't enjoy the sexual experience wearing a "condom" since he was concerned that he was smaller than average. He also indicated he was a symptomatic and therefore not shedding. I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. I was crazy about him and couldn't get him in me fast enough. A week later symptoms showed up. I told him. He superficially appeared sympathetic but didn't do anything. I got tested and I was shocked when it came back positive. I told him. Nothing. The relationship faltered and eventually soured as I found out he was sleeping with other women including a felon he had picked up and was housing in the county paid house he lived in. I was appalled. How do I tell my husband? I am suicidally depressed and know I made a mistake. He's in law enforcement. I am screwed. What can I do? The virus attacked my immune system and I am very ill all the time now.

I think your first step is to make an appointment w/ a psychologist because you made a very serious statement when you said you are suicidally depressed. There is so much for you to deal with because of the HSV and it was acquired through an extramarital affair. I imagine something must be quite out of place in your marriage that laid a foundation that led you to have an affair w/ someone who openly disclosed his HSV.

In addition to seeing a mental health professional to help you deal w/ the HSV and disclosure to your husband you should also get tested to see which HSV you have. Hugs to you and know you can come here for support.

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I completely agree. I took responsibility and told my partner in a written letter that I didn't solely blame him....at first.

My issue is that HE KNEW and DIDN'T tell me. When I told him we needed to talk he immediately grew distant, not even knowing what the talk was about. Finally got fed up and told him the situation via text. His response was "oh that's not good". Didn't ask me what symptoms I was having or anything. I just told him something wasn't right down there. Days pass...no talk yet. When I finally got my results I texted him again we really need to talk, and he says "i haven't had a chance to go to the dr yet". So a week later and you still aren't worried? I'm confused.

What completely baffled me is when I finally was able to meet with him, I asked have you had any symptoms (again I hadn't told him any of my symptoms yet). He says, "sometimes I get bumps". Why would you immediately say that if you had no idea or didn't think anything was wrong with you! TF! Any bump down there I would have been omw to the dr. He wasn't even the least bit phased, didn't look me in my eye, and kind of smirked when I told him. Oh and another killer part...he tried to have unprotected sex with me without ever going to be tested. Wait..what? Again I'm completely confused.

But you get what I'm saying. If someone had absolutely no idea I completely understand and would be totally sympathetic. My giver will tell you at first I was completely cool about it, wrote a decent letter saying I didn't blame him. But after putting it all together I was just floored that I had been so dumb. And eventually turned crazy on him lol. It just isn't right. I'm currently seeing a friend and haven't mustard up the guts to tell him I have genital hsv. There have been instances where we were making out and he wanted to take things further. But I WOULD/WILL NOT allow it. Why? Because I know my status. He is soo frustrated by it to and he even said it out loud the last time. But I would rather him be frustrated with me than to give him this. It's just something I wouldn't dream of doing unless my partner is aware. So I don't understand nor have any remorse for people who knowingly spread this disease.

Ok I went on a rant haha. Yes it was irresponsible for me to engage in intercourse without requesting tests. But if YOU KNOW and have sex without informing your partner...I just don't get it! Yes sue them! The emotional distress this s*** has caused me! I lost 15 1bs (I'm only 105 on a good day) and literally couldn't function. But it is waht it is.

This argument worries me due to the fact that the law only punishes those who know they have the virus.

In effect, this is a direct discouragement to doing the responsible thing and getting tested.

Let me put it to you this way. I had some "weird" symptoms earlier this month and my girlfriend texted me that she had herpes.

I got tested the next day and came back negative.

The problem is that my body just may not have had enough time to build up antibodies.

So basically, I have 2 choices.

I can do the responsible thing and go get re-tested, risking confirming my status as an HSV carrier. If I do this, I can know to be aware of outbreak symptoms, avoid sex during them, and take anti-virals to reduce the shedding of the virus.

BUT, if I get tested and come back positive I can now be sued and held liable for non-disclosure... OK????

So if I'm an irresponsible fuckwit who refuses to know his own status, I can't be sued, but if I'm responsible and get tested and end up coming back positive, I can be sued, despite the fact that this knowledge enables me to lower risk of transmission.

Do you not see that becoming lawsuit-happy over something you can't change anyway will only discourage other people from getting tested? Great, you'll get some money and ruin someone's life, but you won't get rid of the virus and you'll directly influence others to not get tested for fear that they might get sued, which will increase the probability that they unwittingly pass on the virus.

Hello?

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It is only legally actionable if the giver knew they had the virus. And if this is the case then I see nothing wrong with suing the crap out of them. If I decide to walk through someones home then i'm taking a certain risk with my choice and i'm not going to sue a person for tripping over my own feet and hurting myself. If there are bear traps all over the floor of that home that I can't see, but that the owner knows about and doesn't inform me of, then i'm going to sue them blind after I get my leg caught in one. I'm a very forgiving person, but there are somethings that you just don't do.

So what you're telling me is that you will sue and ruin someone's life for being responsible and getting tested, but you're happy to let irresponsible people who don't get tested (and/or ignore symptoms) get off scot free. Nice.

Excellent way to discourage the general public from getting tested.

If you get tested, I can sue you! If you don't I can't!

Wonderful reasoning.

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Sheriff deputy now on administrative leave ...read paid vacation. He told me ony when we were partly through having sex. He produced condoms but by then it was a little bit late

I guess Im nt the first person he has infected

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I wish I could sue. Paying for doctors, medicine, dealing with recurring infections, chronic pain..

This shit is getting expensive

BeWell&Win likes this

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In effect, this is a direct discouragement to doing the responsible thing and getting tested.

Very good post, gnaf. I agree with this 100%, and probably more importantly, it's a widely held position among disease-control experts.

We talked about this in a similar thread before:

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/messageforum/showthread.php?48704-Why-guys-don-t-disclose/page17&pp=10

I understand why people feel upset and might wish to take legal action when they find out they got herpes. It's not a reasonable reaction if you know the facts about what herpes actually is, but I do get why people who are first infected feel anger.

However, suing, or even being able to sue for transmission of herpes is a bad idea on many levels, one of the most important one being that it likely increases, rather than decreases, our ability to control the disease's spread.

By allowing people to take legal action over disease transmission, we are directly rewarding those who choose not to be tested and potentially seek treatment that could lessen their chances of spreading the virus. We are giving people a direct and tangible reason to act irresponsibly.

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I wish I could sue. Paying for doctors, medicine, dealing with recurring infections, chronic pain..

This shit is getting expensive

NO kidding. This "minor skin condition" as cost me 1000.00 bucks so far. I wish the jerk who gave it to me could somehow be forced to disclose to the next women he sleeps with. . .

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There is a big difference between someone who didn't know/was in denial and someone who was well aware of their diagnosis and still failed to inform. My fiance dated a RN for 5 months who never bothered to mention her HSV. Come to find out shes been doing that to one man after another for years, encouraging them all to have unprotected sex (as they were in "monogamous" relationships, why not?) full well knowing she had the virus and has infected all of them. You wouldn't expect that from anyone but most especially a highly educated nurse who appears clean and professional. People like her NEED to be punished to protect her future victims. People like me, who came to my relationship a virgin and now have gh because my poor fiance didn't even have a clue he now carried the virus, putting our future babies at risk! And if you're wondering, hell YA I'm mad!

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There is a big difference between someone who didn't know/was in denial and someone who was well aware of their diagnosis and still failed to inform. My fiance dated a RN for 5 months who never bothered to mention her HSV. Come to find out shes been doing that to one man after another for years, encouraging them all to have unprotected sex (as they were in "monogamous" relationships, why not?) full well knowing she had the virus and has infected all of them. You wouldn't expect that from anyone but most especially a highly educated nurse who appears clean and professional. People like her NEED to be punished to protect her future victims. People like me, who came to my relationship a virgin and now have gh because my poor fiance didn't even have a clue he now carried the virus, putting our future babies at risk! And if you're wondering, hell YA I'm mad!

You may not have read the previous posts made in this thread by gnaf and me, but suing people for transmission of an infection, or being able to sue people for transmission of an infection is almost never a good idea. Your goal is to limit the spread of infection, correct? If so, then suing people is totally contrary to that end. Being able to sue for disease transmission only makes disease more difficult to control. It may seem counter intuitive at first, but it's true.

As I wrote before, by allowing people to take legal action over disease transmission, we are directly rewarding those who choose not to be tested and potentially seek treatment that could lessen their chances of spreading the disease. We are giving people a direct and tangible reason to act irresponsibly.

Again, please click on that link I provided and read the more in depth post I wrote on the subject there.

This concept pertains also to diseases which are actually serious, like HIV. The idea of suing somebody for spreading cold sores (wherever the location) is just silly. It really shows how we've totally blown herpes out of proportion.

By the way, your future babies are almost certainly not at risk. If you read and educate yourself on the realities of having children with herpes, you will realize this. If you acquired herpes before the pregnancy, the chances of herpes affecting your children is very slim. Your initial feeling that your babies are now at risk further shows how out of proportion the public's attitude is about herpes.

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It is still possible to sue, even without testing. Either the person can be tested or shouldve known they had it ( testimony from previous partners). There is also dna fingerprint testing that can match strains to see if the giver and receiver share the same strain. It is difficult but not impossible.

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Even with viral DNA fingerprinting, you have to prove which direction the transfer occurred, which means if you didn't test negative directly before the encounter, it's usually meaningless. I know that this method is sometimes used with HIV, but HIV evolves much faster than HSV does.

Either way, the whole thing is just silly.

I can't help but wonder if people who advocate or encourage legal action over herpes also feel the same way about oral cold sores.

If not, then I would have to ask what the difference is. They are both almost always either mild or asymptomatic. They are both incurable. They are both in fact just two strains of the same infection (or quite often, the same strain).

Suing over herpes just adds to this stupid stigma we all face, by artificially making herpes out to be something worth suing over. Ironically, this even further contributes to the spread of herpes without disclosure. By making herpes out to be something so horrible that one could be sued or go to jail over it, we make people who have it even more ashamed, and that makes disclosure even more difficult than it already is. We also further the ridiculous impression in the public's view that herpes is a horrible thing.

It's all just cold sores.

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