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Seeking Advice, Especially from Fellow Men


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I've been dating this girl for about over a month now, and things have been amazing. She's got a great personality, beautiful, thoughtful, caring, sweet, all the things that I really want in my future. A couple of nights ago, she told me she had HSV1 downstairs, which was shocking at first, but I can't deny the feelings that I'm developing for her. I've already decided to keep dating her, so that's not in question. My real question is....if it should happen to get to that point, where we're intimate, what advice can you give me as far as preventing infection or any other things that you think I should know about before this happens. Any and all advice will be appreciated. Thanks.

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Understand off the bat that there is no way to guarantee your protection from getting infected short of no contact. If you are falling in love with her, then you're realizing that a virus can't get in the way of your emotions, a lesson for everyone to realize.

She could help protect you if she is taking an anti-viral med i.e. Valtrex, Famvir (although I'm not sure the latter is indicated for 'prevention' and prophalactic use) and you can wear a condom each time (again, it doesn't protect you, but it doesn't hurt for other infs/pregnancy, etc.). Bottomline is make sure that if you do have contact with her, you are also willing to accept the possibility of becoming infected yourself. I don't know your age, but you don't have to rush yourselves if either of you aren't ready, you can always err on the side of caution and wait until you are both certain and prepared.

Best to all.


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Guest dangermouse

Female condoms can provide a little more protection than male ones, since they can cover the vaginal area. They also let you go commando too, with all the benefits that entails.

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I would say definately use a condom. Although as previously mentioned it doesn't completely protect you. Female to male transmission isn't as common as male to female tansmission, although you still run the risk. Also don't have sex if she's having an ob, or immediately after she had an ob, or if you can feel one coming on, before she has one since there is a "shedding" period around the actual outbreak which makes it easier for you to contract it.

Just saying, I would take it slow. She's probably aware you'll want to wait a little longer to become intimate since she trusted you with her virus, and you are making a huge decision for yourself by sleeping with her. You'll have the virus for the rest of your life and if for some reason you and this girl don't work out you will be having to have the same conversation with all of your other girlfriends in the future too.

Also be aware, HSV-1 can be transfered orally to you if you go down on her.

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The first question is ...

How do you know you don't already have HSV1 yourself? About 80% of the adult population has it orally and the antibodies produced by an oral infection are not location specific. If you have them, you have a LOT of protection against her genital HSV1 and shouldn't need to worry about a new infection.

Now, be aware that not knowing you have it, doesn't mean much as the vast majority of people with oral HSV1 don't know that they have it. A blood test, actually for both types, is a good idea as type 2 hides out, too. I recommend the herpeselect IgG for HSV1 & HSV2.

If it turns out that you don't have it, the odds are still pretty good that you won't get it if all you do is avoid contact when she's having symptoms. Yes, it can be transmitted in absence of symptoms, but the risk is much lower. If your partner uses antiviral meds suppressively that cuts the risk, statistically to less than 2% PER YEAR based on studies done with some 1400 couples where one had herpes and the other didn't. Add condoms and the risk gets to be under 1%. Keep in mind, though, that this is a statistical thing and cannot predict the outcome of an individual case. I've been with my HSV1&2 negative wife for 8 years and she's still negative. The only precaution we take is to usually use condoms.

I'm hoping that you are in this relationship because you value the other person and don't let a skin irritation get in the way. Good love is hard to find and herpes isn't. :-)

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

atleast she told you first

atleast she was responsible enough to tell you first and let you make a choice out of reason and not out of the hurt of being lied to...

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