Those recently diagnosed with Herpes...Do's and Don'ts

[Miserylovescompany26]

So you've been diagnosed with Herpes. You have the right to blame, you have the right to feel dirty, you have the right to cry. Do however GET OVER IT!, Herpes is not the end of the world, makes life a lil more interesting in an already interesting life for those who were struggling to make something of yourself and then have this curve ball thrown in your course. However, DO your research find all the pros and cons of this virus, more cons then pros, I know, but in a post I read earlier, this "gift" weeds out the UNEDUCATED individuals you will have to face. When looking for potential men/woman in your life, DO!!! take the time to get to know the person., being in a relationship with someone for 3years I didn't know my ex at all. Sex really is for the bonding of a relationship, the chance to become one. And if Sex has nothing to build from (time shared, effort and devotion from a partner) it, like any building will fall..DON"T however tell everyone that you "THINK" you could be with that you have this condition, because as I have witnessed, there are really some low, hurtful people out there and will tell you that your dirty, that you will never have a normal relationship ever again so on and so forth and really, they are in away...right...except for the dirty part. But to avoid making your situation worse, keep your secret til you find some one you truly care and who truly cares about you, which goes back to the "getting to know your partner". As I've read in another post, if you don't know how your potential mate will act or say when confronted with your news, DO ask questions and tie in the "would you date some one with a lifetime STD?", if their answer is no, then there is your answer, move on. Being diagnosed with herpes myself for the past 9 months, possibly longer considering my doc told me that I'm a carrier and the virus is "old" meaning I could have had it for years (I still wanna blame my ex cuz he's an ass and deserves to be blamed lol...so I won't admit yet that it could have been me), I had my blinders taken off to the world of sex...it's sad yes that it had to take a disease to smarten my sexual craving up and be more tasteful in my decisions but it has helped me focus on whats more important...my kids!...and Don't feel sorry for yourself and wish that it never happened, it could very well be a way to achieve a more tasteful and satisfying relationship with yourself and help you improve other things in your life that you wish to better, also DON"T let this be the end of your world, you could have been diagnosed with something else more serious. However, all in all DO be yourself. Herpes DOES NOT define who you truly are!

[shocked2hear]

Most of what you say is true

I agree with most of what you say, but in regards to having normal relationships I don't agree. I was just recently diagnosed and already came across the social stigma attached to this virus, but as you said and I have posted elsewhere those are people that are uneducated and ignorant and why would I want to be with that person anyway. Studies have shown that is possible for discordant couples to remain that way with the proper precautions. One that is educated and cares enough about you will be willing to take the chances associated. One in five men are infected and one in four women are. This is an epidemic and if the person wants to give up the person they say they care so deeply about due to something that causes irritation for some then they were not your time in the first place. This is what I refer to as the gift in another post. We are better able now to weed out those that are worth our time and who are not. Most did not choose to contract this. People do not know our history behind the contraction so why should we not be able to have normal relationships.

[Miserylovescompany26]

What I'm saying about "normal" relationship with those uninfected, I was confronted with an individual whom I thought I would like to be with...I told him of my situation and we talked a bit more about being in a relationship, He was weirding me out with things that he was saying and I told him I didn't think it would work out. He talked trash about me after me not being interested any more and said I would never have a normal relationship, which in turn he was somewhat right, I would never be able to have sex again without taking precautions, however precautions should be used regardless if a person is infected with something or not. But lets say this partner that I'm with, years down the road, yah we decide condoms suck and stop using them, there are risks involved...the partner could eventually contract Herpes from me and then he could/would get them as well. I'm inviting someone who's living a somewhat "normal" life (without an STD) to be with me and taking the risk of getting one?...I'm not agreeing to disagree but I hope I made some sense of what I was getting at in the first place.

[WaxedWrong]

and that person will be with you for the best reasons. cause they would love you for you- and not for sex.

[shocked2hear]

I agree, also if you look at my posts I mention discordant couples, which refers to one that is infected and one that is not. There is research on this and with Valtrex and the use of condoms the risk is only 4% as long as the infected individual is not having outbreaks. This study included those that used condoms MOST OF THE TIME so education is necessary for the partner that you are with. To be honest I am very educated, so for the other individual not to be so is not an option.