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Those recently diagnosed with Herpes...Do's and Don'ts


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So you've been diagnosed with Herpes. You have the right to blame, you have the right to feel dirty, you have the right to cry. Do however GET OVER IT!, Herpes is not the end of the world, makes life a lil more interesting in an already interesting life for those who were struggling to make something of yourself and then have this curve ball thrown in your course. However, DO your research find all the pros and cons of this virus, more cons then pros, I know, but in a post I read earlier, this "gift" weeds out the UNEDUCATED individuals you will have to face. When looking for potential men/woman in your life, DO!!! take the time to get to know the person., being in a relationship with someone for 3years I didn't know my ex at all. Sex really is for the bonding of a relationship, the chance to become one. And if Sex has nothing to build from (time shared, effort and devotion from a partner) it, like any building will fall..DON"T however tell everyone that you "THINK" you could be with that you have this condition, because as I have witnessed, there are really some low, hurtful people out there and will tell you that your dirty, that you will never have a normal relationship ever again so on and so forth and really, they are in away...right...except for the dirty part. But to avoid making your situation worse, keep your secret til you find some one you truly care and who truly cares about you, which goes back to the "getting to know your partner". As I've read in another post, if you don't know how your potential mate will act or say when confronted with your news, DO ask questions and tie in the "would you date some one with a lifetime STD?", if their answer is no, then there is your answer, move on. Being diagnosed with herpes myself for the past 9 months, possibly longer considering my doc told me that I'm a carrier and the virus is "old" meaning I could have had it for years (I still wanna blame my ex cuz he's an ass and deserves to be blamed lol...so I won't admit yet that it could have been me), I had my blinders taken off to the world of sex...it's sad yes that it had to take a disease to smarten my sexual craving up and be more tasteful in my decisions but it has helped me focus on whats more important...my kids!...and Don't feel sorry for yourself and wish that it never happened, it could very well be a way to achieve a more tasteful and satisfying relationship with yourself and help you improve other things in your life that you wish to better, also DON"T let this be the end of your world, you could have been diagnosed with something else more serious. However, all in all DO be yourself. Herpes DOES NOT define who you truly are!

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Most of what you say is true

I agree with most of what you say, but in regards to having normal relationships I don't agree. I was just recently diagnosed and already came across the social stigma attached to this virus, but as you said and I have posted elsewhere those are people that are uneducated and ignorant and why would I want to be with that person anyway. Studies have shown that is possible for discordant couples to remain that way with the proper precautions. One that is educated and cares enough about you will be willing to take the chances associated. One in five men are infected and one in four women are. This is an epidemic and if the person wants to give up the person they say they care so deeply about due to something that causes irritation for some then they were not your time in the first place. This is what I refer to as the gift in another post. We are better able now to weed out those that are worth our time and who are not. Most did not choose to contract this. People do not know our history behind the contraction so why should we not be able to have normal relationships.

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What I'm saying about "normal" relationship with those uninfected, I was confronted with an individual whom I thought I would like to be with...I told him of my situation and we talked a bit more about being in a relationship, He was weirding me out with things that he was saying and I told him I didn't think it would work out. He talked trash about me after me not being interested any more and said I would never have a normal relationship, which in turn he was somewhat right, I would never be able to have sex again without taking precautions, however precautions should be used regardless if a person is infected with something or not. But lets say this partner that I'm with, years down the road, yah we decide condoms suck and stop using them, there are risks involved...the partner could eventually contract Herpes from me and then he could/would get them as well. I'm inviting someone who's living a somewhat "normal" life (without an STD) to be with me and taking the risk of getting one?...I'm not agreeing to disagree but I hope I made some sense of what I was getting at in the first place.

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I agree, also if you look at my posts I mention discordant couples, which refers to one that is infected and one that is not. There is research on this and with Valtrex and the use of condoms the risk is only 4% as long as the infected individual is not having outbreaks. This study included those that used condoms MOST OF THE TIME so education is necessary for the partner that you are with. To be honest I am very educated, so for the other individual not to be so is not an option.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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