Devastating Blow

[takingcareofmenow]

Hi, I tried to post this earlier but since I am new, may have been unsuccessful.

I was diagnosed with genital herpes on Wednesday after showing no symptoms. It was transmitted by a former relationship. I am in or was in a new relationship and within an hour of finding out this new told my boyfriend. This man has asked me to marry him a million times, has met my children and spent time with them, has loved and adored me. He knows things about my past that hasn't made him run. At first he was very supportive, his words being "Oh sweetie, I don't know much about this, but I will definately get things checked out. I am concerned for you and concerned for me. We will have to talk to a doctor." That was the last time I have seen or heard from him. He will not answer his phone or any emails I have sent. I went to visit him and he was at home and refused to answer the door. Pretty immature for a 40 year old man I'd say. Please don't take that as minimizing anything about his mindset right now or what he is going through. But he lives in a very large city and has "lived" his life as he puts it. He was into the rock and roll scene and has settled down now. I am just surprised and very hurt by his reaction.

I have done nothing but cry since Wednesday on and off. I miss him and love him. I know that I cannot change him or his reaction but now I am dealing with finding out that I have a disease and ontop of that the man that I love and who I thought loved me bailed.

I have felt suicidal but have the children so no worries there - I just can't believe that this is happening.

[shocked2hear]

Hope

Hopefully this is his way of dealing and he will come around. Otherwise if he does not, I hate to say it, but thank your lucky stars because the man wasn't worth it. What if you were diagnosed with a decapitating illness and had to be cared for? This man doesn't seem like the type that would stick around. A man that loves you for all that you are will stick with you through thick and thin. Like I said before hopefully this is his way of dealing and he will come around. As for you, I think it may be in your best interest to seek out therapy. Remember kids can pick up the signals that you send even when you think you are fooling them by putting your best face forward. This can be detrimental to them as well. You have to take care of yourself. This is a terrible thing, but talk to someone about it please.

[WaxedWrong]

personaly i think, that the ones who cant stick around, werent ment to be. sure it might have seemed perfect. but apparently it wasnt if he couldnt stay with you because of a virus.

youll find better.

[ETRUMP]

I agree that if he doesnt come around he wasnt good for you anyway. Just think a lot of people seem perfect in the beginning. You will be fine. I wouldnt call him anymore though. Keep busy doing enjoyable things. Maybe spend some time with the kids and therapy is a great idea for all of us. I would check into that. I can promise you everyone doesnt freak out when they hear you have herpes, and I know from experience. Herpes is kind of like a radar detector for people who are not good for us!

Hope you feel better soon. Keep us posted. Hugs

[takingcareofmenow]

Since Wednesday, the people whom I have shared this new condition of mine with have been friends and family both men and women and not one of them turned their backs on me. The only person who has turned his back on me was the one person I was counting on. Like I said, I realize that this is a blow to him as well - huge but I still have not heard from him since Wednesday and that is unacceptable in my books. At the first sign of a problem big or small - he does the disappearing act. I can't handle that. So if he comes around, I will give him the compassion that I craved but it will take a lot for me to be with him now.

Thank you so much for the replies, they have really helped make me feel not so alone. I will be contacting a therapist tomorrow and yes...the most important people in my life are my children and they need to come first.

Hugs to all

[shocked2hear]

Good for you, but remember your children are important, but at times you need to put yourself first so in fact you can be 100% for your children. I hope you didn't take what I posted the wrong way because this is what I really meant. As for the therapy that is great. I see an analyst since I have to for my school due to going for my doctorate in psychoanalysis.

[tohealth]

Hi, I tried to post this earlier but since I am new, may have been unsuccessful.

I was diagnosed with genital herpes on Wednesday after showing no symptoms. It was transmitted by a former relationship. I am in or was in a new relationship and within an hour of finding out this new told my boyfriend. This man has asked me to marry him a million times, has met my children and spent time with them, has loved and adored me. He knows things about my past that hasn't made him run. At first he was very supportive, his words being "Oh sweetie, I don't know much about this, but I will definately get things checked out. I am concerned for you and concerned for me. We will have to talk to a doctor." That was the last time I have seen or heard from him. He will not answer his phone or any emails I have sent. I went to visit him and he was at home and refused to answer the door. Pretty immature for a 40 year old man I'd say. Please don't take that as minimizing anything about his mindset right now or what he is going through. But he lives in a very large city and has "lived" his life as he puts it. He was into the rock and roll scene and has settled down now. I am just surprised and very hurt by his reaction.

I have done nothing but cry since Wednesday on and off. I miss him and love him. I know that I cannot change him or his reaction but now I am dealing with finding out that I have a disease and ontop of that the man that I love and who I thought loved me bailed.

I have felt suicidal but have the children so no worries there - I just can't believe that this is happening.

I know it is hard, but PLEASE be thankful. I would write this @#!$ off so fast...his behavior is (1) boyish and (2) cruel. THIS IS NOT WHAT LOVE LOOKS LIKE. He has done YOU a favor. TAKE THE FAVOR.

[ouch]

[quote

I have felt suicidal but have the children so no worries there - I just can't believe that this is happening.

[takingcareofmenow]

thank you everyone

Hi everyone and thank you. The last week and one half has been a mirage of emotions for me as I continue to adjust to life with herpes. Have not had any issues since beginning of January. As for my bf? He is history - his choice but becoming mine very fast. Logically - he is definately not one for "sticking around" through thick and thin obviously or he would be here but emotionally - it truly cuts like a knife and has tapped into all my insecurities now regarding dating.

I love the letter to the one who rejected me recently posted - I totally felt as if it were me writing that.

I do find that the anger is still there and is very, very strong - most of it being directed at myself for telling him (even though I know it was the moral and right thing to do and I'd do it again). Surprisingly, my anger has not been directed whatsoever at the one who gave the virus to me. Not sure what that is about.

I start counselling on Thursday of next week to sort out all of this. I can see that the children are suffering right now. I have been extremely moody and bitchy and have been having crying fits when I least expect it. I have been sleeping a lot lately and not eating. I am manic and have to watch my stress levels or I can trigger an episode which is what has happened here.

It is not worth it to be this upset but i am. In time this will pass and hopefully the counselling will help all of us.

Thank you again all of you for the support and advice -

and yes I was very surprised at my bf for reacting the way he has considering his exposure to the rock and roll lifestyle he has lived. It is very strange.

[Miriam]

Dear takingcareofmenow

I'm glad you liked my letter: I was speaking for myself, but also for many other broken hearts out there who feel betrayed and rejected. I almost want to say that I feel your pain, but yours must be much greater than mine. This man was such a major presence in your life, you even introduced him to your kids... this must be very hard to bear. When people say that you're lucky that the man had shown his true colors before you became even more involved with him... well, that thought helps, but not entirely. You still have feelings for him that are not going to go away overnight. He has gotten too deep under your skin. I'm still fighting the urge to write the guy and ask how he's going. I know he's a skunk, but he's such a lovable skunk! I think we should just accept the fact that it will take months to really move on and face the future without the men who betrayed us. In the meantime, dear, please don't be angry with yourself! It's not your fault; you're the victim. We will emerge from this stronger and better than before... just in time to see love and fate smile at us again...

[tothefuture]

Miraim - I liked your last post. My relationship has just ended and so I do hope you're right; "We will emerge from this stronger and better than before... just in time to see love and fate smile at us again... ". I know coming to terms with a broken relationship takes time (he's the only man I've loved - and I've been round the block a few times!), and I wish I could fast forward a few months.

I hope you're all having a better day today.

[Miriam]

Thanks! I hope you are having a good day, too. Here, on the east coast, it's mild and spring-like. I am recalling a quote from Jane Austen's "Persuasion":

"All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one; you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone."

It's painful, but I wouldn't have it any other way.