devastated2hear

[devastated2hear]

Just found out yesterday that I have genital herpes. This outbreak is HORRIBLE - I am in so much pain I can hardly stand it. Urinating is absolutly killing me as is sitting.

I am so angry at myself and the guy who I am seeing - who SWORE he was clean - so stupid to believe him. He left yesterday for a 6 month treatment center for alcohol abuse after much discussion and persuasion from me to try and get clean. I had planned to be there and support him through this, but now am wondering if it is really worth it since this has happened. And if he has an outbreak while in rehab - what will he think - I am almost positive that he had to be the one that gave it to me (99% sure anyway) - I feel so stupid for not using protection, but have been lucky for so long - but now my luck has run out and boy am I paying the price. I am wondering if this is as painful for men as it is for women, as I have never experienced anything as painful except after the birth of my son 18 years ago.

I have severe immune deficiency problems as it is already and am so afraid of the long healing time I may not have to indure, as I did not know what was going on and did not catch the initial outbreak very early. And am afraid due to my comprised immune system that I will have severe frequent attacks.

I have absolutely NO ONE I can talk to about this - no-one. All of my friends are married, in stable relationships and they already think I am too far out there and worry about my behavior as it is. My mother know I am having problems and now I am having to come up with some kind of wild story to tell her to keep her from finding out the truth. I hate the lies to her and keeping this from everyone.

Is there anyone listening???????

[zzadj22]

I'm here, and I'm listening.

I too believe I may have genital herpes. I recently developed an 'itch' that I wrote off as a yeast infection or bacterial infection. I took oral medications to treat both, things seemed slightly (if not completely) improved. I had sex a few days ago and the 'itch' seemed to redevelop, last night I examined my genitals and discovered several small, open ulcers directly under my clitoris, inside the lips of my labia minora. Truth be told, I'm scared to death. My partner swore up and down he was tested for all STD's last month and completely clean, and he has been my only partner since being tested several months ago for any and all STDs (including IgM and IgG blood tests), where I was negative for all STDs. I'm angry, I'm depressed, and I feel cheated by life. I can not be 100% sure that I have HSV, though all symptoms point in that direction, and it flat out sucks. In truth, right now it seems like death would be easier than dealing with the stigma of a lifelong infection. Yet, the more rational side of myself, argues that it's really not anything life-threatening, just something that is life-altering...it's a change that despite not wanting to embrace, I may just have to.

I too wonder about the worth of my relationship now; as you said "is it really worth it". I feel lied to and cheated, even though I know he may be unaware of having it...or perhaps that I was a carrier all along and just didn't know it until now. Either outlook seems grim to me right now. How can I even begin to speak to him about this? I've always been a bit of a "prude" by today's standards when it came to taking on a new sexual partner, and unless in a fully commited (and clean) long-term relationship, I've practiced safe sex. It seems unfair that a girl with five partners can contract something which seems so...dirty. I'm angry at God for allowing it to happen! How is it that I can be so careful and catch something while my friends who have slept with ten times the number of men I have (often times without any protection) don't?! The social stigma of (possibly) having an STD is overwhelming; I know I'm not a whore, yet everyone seems to think that when encountering someone who carries a disease. I'm a confident, driven woman...but the possibility of being shouldered with a "dirty" infection is crushing me...I don't feel like eating or even getting out of bed. I'm afraid to go to the doctor because part of me wants to ignore the situation and another part of me is afraid of the "lecture" and judgements they might make.

I too feel isolated, like I have no one to talk to. How can you even begin to find ways to bring it up to your family and friends? I don't want to burden anyone with my sorrows, but most of all, I don't want to be unfairly judged. I too, hate the position I'm finding myself in.

[WaxedWrong]

peeing> do it in a warm bath tub. it is sooooo much better then sittin on the toilet in tears.

and if u can lay down, go for it. i layed in bed for a month only gettin up to go to the bathroom/wash etc.