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twinkling one

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twinkling one Newbie

twinkling one

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Hi :)

I've just joined and wondered if anyone would like to chat or message me. I've had herpes since oct. and contracted it from my ex. I haven't had the courage to discuss it with any friends or family as I just don't know how to broach the subject. I accept that i have it now, but i just don't seem to be able to admit it to anyone else.

I recently dated a guy, but when things started to progress and become more intimate I just ran a mile. Unable to tell him what I have.

I'd appreciate it if anyone out there who has experience of telling friends, family and partners wanted to share their experiences - Thankyou! :D

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zzadj22 Honeycomb Member

zzadj22

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Welcome, and sorry to hear that you have H. I have no advice to give, as I only recently began to worry that I have H and I'm still waiting on the test results to come in. However, I know exactly how you're feeling about not wanting to share your infection with the world, so if you feel like talking about that, I'm here and can definitely relate and offer support in that area. Hope all is well for you otherwise. :)

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hopingseeking Established Member

hopingseeking

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Hi, and welcome. Sorry to hear about the herpes...

I have been suspecting that I might have herpes, and have told my dad, brother, and good friends. My father was understandably pissed (this is the body that he gave me, in a sense), but has become very supportive, even going with me to get my lab results. My brother, well, siblings are always there for you right?

And my friends, the response has varied. Some are disappointed in me (rightly so) and others are more than willing to listen to me rant about my current situation. I'm not embarrassed about telling my friends, and even hope that I help raise STD awareness among the ones I love, so that they never have to go through what I'm going through.

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twinkling one Newbie

twinkling one

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Hi zzadj22,

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you to recieve a negative result! I understand what you must be going through at the moment and sympathize with you fully!

I appreciate your response and invitation to discuss feelings about 'sharing H with the world'. Do you think if you were to test positive to H that you'd share it with the world?

I think that hopingseeking is very inspirational in the courage that they demonstrated by telling friends and family. I hope that one day I too will be able to be that honest and open about it. I think that the only way to breakdown the stigma to 'H' and gain acceptance is to educate and increase awareness. This I would like to do, but I just don't want my identity to become about 'H' if you know what I mean. I want people to still see me as me and for 'H' to be no more of an issue than say me liking icecream.

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exotica Honeycomb Member

exotica

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Wasabi!

Hi! This is my first time in a support group. I was diagnosed with "H" last summer and I tried to deal with it by myself. A couple of my friends know and have been very supportive, but it is difficult to relate. I am beginning to date but I am afraid to go further. I am skeptical about online relationships but I am ready to seek alternate options. I would like to be able to discuss how to date and live with "H".

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hopingseeking Established Member

hopingseeking

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To hopingseeking;

"And my friends, the response has varied. Some are disappointed in me (rightly so)"

why rightly so?

Because the person they knew, and the person I normally am, does not get massively drunk and then look for one night stands. I became someone I didn't recognize and someone that I'm not proud of during my study abroad experience in China. So I feel it's rightly so for them to be disappointed in how I let my principles and character slide into something neither they nor I respect.

I've changed now though. True, it doesn't atone for what I did, but I never want to repeat the degeneracy I spiraled into. First thing I've done - going back to the church.

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consuela Newbie

consuela

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to hopingseeking...

I think its great that you have recognized destructivebehaviors in your life and want to change them, but please don't assume that everything is a cause and effect situation. Std's are NOT out there waiting for someone to have a one night stand, drunk or otherwise, and then saying hey lets go get 'em! I know many people that have had one-night stands drunken and not, and they walked away clean. I know many people who cheat regularly and they walk away clean...i know preachers who cheat and walk away clean...i know of a 16 year old girl who contracted HSV2 from her first boyfriend and irst experience, another child was raped at 7 years old and the rape was discovered when the outbreak appeared. After leaving a long-term relationship(almost 6 years), I had a few casual relationships and nothing happened, then alomost 6 years after I tried to have a lasting monogomous(sp?) relationship with someone who I had been friends with for 3 years as well as his whole family, only to get an abnormal test result from my annual checkup. After ranting about how the office had it in for me and everyone there was fopr some reason out to scare people, he then said, "I said I was clean, except that I have herpes..." WHAT? I say all this only to say, that it is NOT true that STD's are because of promiscuous behavior....this is a myth that we ALL REALLY need to help destroy....it is to justify what might be destructive behavior, its to prevent people thinking they are safe just by not being promiscuous and that only 'certain' people get STD's. Do only 'certain people get the cold or flue? its a virus same as hsv...please don't judge youself and don't judge others...the first time I had to tell a potential partner their response was..."a guy goes for a walk and a car swerves, hits him, and he loses his leg...was he wrong for going for a walk..should he have known better...people go for walks every day...what i mean to say is, accidents happen...they happen to us all"

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consuela Newbie

consuela

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to hopingseeking...

I think its great that you have recognized destructive behaviors in your life and want to change them, but please don't assume that everything is a cause and effect situation. Std's are NOT out there waiting for someone to have a one night stand, drunk or otherwise, and then saying hey lets go get 'em! I know many people that have had one-night stands drunken and not, and they walked away clean. I know many people who cheat regularly and they walk away clean...i know preachers who cheat and walk away clean...i know of a 16 year old girl who contracted HSV2 from her first boyfriend and irst experience, another child was raped at 7 years old and the rape was discovered when the outbreak appeared. After leaving a long-term relationship(almost 6 years), I had a few casual relationships and nothing happened, then alomost 6 years after I tried to have a lasting monogomous(sp?) relationship with someone who I had been friends with for 3 years as well as his whole family, only to get an abnormal test result from my annual checkup. After ranting about how the office had it in for me and everyone there was fopr some reason out to scare people, he then said, "I said I was clean, except that I have herpes..." WHAT? I say all this only to say, that it is NOT true that STD's are because of promiscuous behavior....this is a myth that we ALL REALLY need to help destroy....it is not to justify what might be destructive behavior, its to prevent people thinking they are safe just by not being promiscuous and that only 'certain' people get STD's. Do only 'certain' people get the cold or flue? its a virus same as hsv...please don't judge youself and don't judge others...the first time I had to tell a potential partner their response was..."a guy goes for a walk and a car swerves, hits him, and he loses his leg...was he wrong for going for a walk..should he have known better...people go for walks every day...what i mean to say is, accidents happen...they happen to us all" it happened to you and i am sorry....but it is NOT the end of the world

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twinkling one Newbie

twinkling one

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I agree with consuela, I contracted 'h' from my boyfriend and not through one night stands or drunken behaviour. Though that is how my ex contracted it.

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zzadj22 Honeycomb Member

zzadj22

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Twinkling,

Thanks for your well wishes, I'll let you know what the tests finally turn up when they come back.

I haven't expressed my concerns to anyone I know, though everyone I see gets a lecture about the truth with H. I'm encouraging everyone to be more compassionate towards those with STD's and advising them to go get tested for H themselves. However, I'm not sure I can embrace the boldness of claiming to have it myself just yet (at least not in the public eye).

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twinkling one Newbie

twinkling one

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zzadj22,

i know what you mean about not being ready to shout it out from the roof tops! i wonder how long it will be before i will feel able to talk to my loved ones about it - hope i'll get the confidence to do it someday

def. keep me posted on your results though - still got my fingers and toes crossed! :D

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shocked2hear Honeycomb Member

shocked2hear

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As for telling family and friend's this is something you have to do when you are ready. I told my mother by saying that I had broke up with a guy that I had really liked because he told me that if I was positive he didn't want to go any further in the relationship other than friend's. As for that guy, he wanted to wait for the test results, but I told him that I was not going to have a relationship based on test results and would rather just be friend's and we are still friend's, we actually talk everyday still. My good friend that I told has been very supportive throughout the whole thing.

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