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Oral sex - how safe? (I'm male, type 2)

Richardinla

By Richardinla
in Newly Diagnosed

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Richardinla Honeycomb Member

Richardinla

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Hi,

I have just been informed by Planned Parenthood that I have Type 2 genital herpes...

I went to see them a week ago for a very sore red spot/open sore on the end of my penis. Initially they didn't think it was herpes, because I only had a single sore. They took a culture.

Obviously there's a huge amount of info. online... but it's not necessarily clear or conclusive.

Obviously I don't want to infect anyone else.

After the outbreak heals and disappears, will I be able to enjoy receiving oral sex again (without having to wear a condom)?

And if so, how long after the outbreak disappears would I have to wait?

I've heard about shedding, but what are the odds of infecting a woman by her giving me oral sex? And (apart from wearing a condom) and washing with soap and water immediately beforehand, is there anything else I can do to keep the risk of infecting somone to the absolute minimum?

Thanks,

Richard

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InShock Honeycomb Member

InShock

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Posted

You can transmit herpes to a partner, anywhere, any time, regardless of whether or not you have any symptoms AND regardless of whether or not you use a condom. You need to talk with your partners about your condition before engaging with them in any sort of sexual activity. There are some things you can do to REDUCE the risk of transmission, such as suppressive therapy (for example, once-a-day Valtrax) but even those are not guaranteed. You have to be honest with ALL of your future partners. Explain to them your preventive methods, but let them decide for themselves if it is worth the risk.

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Richardinla Honeycomb Member

Richardinla

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I didn't ask for your moral advice!

You can transmit herpes to a partner, anywhere, any time, regardless of whether or not you have any symptoms AND regardless of whether or not you use a condom. You need to talk with your partners about your condition before engaging with them in any sort of sexual activity. There are some things you can do to REDUCE the risk of transmission, such as suppressive therapy (for example, once-a-day Valtrax) but even those are not guaranteed. You have to be honest with ALL of your future partners. Explain to them your preventive methods, but let them decide for themselves if it is worth the risk.

Thanks for the reply, but I didn't ask for advice on the moral issue of telling someone upfront - that's an entirely separate matter, and I intend to be responsible.

I don't appreciate the tone of your preaching!

I am asking if anyone has any informed knowledge with constructive, practical advice...

Thanks,

Richard

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Caliope Platinum Support Member

Caliope

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maybe a misunderstanding?

Richardinla, I didn't think that Inshock was trying to make a moral judgement so much as saying that any unprotected sex puts your partner at risk for contracting the virus from you from now on basically because there is no way to know absolutely when the virus isn't shedding without symptoms.

Some people may not be as concerned as others so leaving it up to them to decide if they want to perform oral sex on you without a condom would be the upfront thing to do.

I have seen list members who have admitted that had they known their partner had hsv wouldn't have made a difference but being left in the dark made them feel lied to and that was a deal breaker.

You can make the risk less by taking suppressive drugs but I believe that there will always be the risk of transmitting this to someone else.

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    • CHT
      HSV genital likely?

      By CHT · Posted

      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      HSV genital likely?

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
      HSV-2 transmission under Valtrex daily therapy. Hopeful a healthy sex life is possible? Thx for sharing!

      By TS4real · Posted

      Out of curiosity, did you take valtrex at the very first OB?
    • FeelingLost75
      Tell me your symptoms

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      GHSV1 has be going crazy

      By TS4real · Posted

      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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