Welcome to your new life

[Guest Anonymous]

Got the news this morning, I'm HSV-2 positive. I knew I was a goner when the nurse offered me candy before giving me the test results. (FYI: candy doesn't ease the sting, it just gives you a few extra calories to go along with your new incurable disease.)

So now I've got herpes. And if I don't want to pass it along I'll have to wear a condom every time I have sex for the rest of my life. The nurse tried to make it sound like condoms are fun. Look, she said, here are some red ones, some green ones, some that are ribbed, some that are lubricated; and these are really cool 'cause they glow in the dark. I wanted to ask her if she had any condoms that cure herpes, but I was too busy thinking about my new life without sex. Let's face it, condoms suck. Red, green, ribbed, lubed - they all suck. Next time you eat, try covering your tongue in plastic wrap before taking a bite. Sucks, doesn't it?

Maybe if I could blame someone I'd be happier, but I'm the one responsible. Nobody made me have unprotected casual sex. I guess I could be angry at the girl, but what's the point? Maybe I'll just come up with a fictional girl named Helen Herpes and I'll fictionally hate her for the rest of my life.

This is so fucked up. I feel like I just got tagged in the adult game of 'it' and now nobody wants to play anymore. I don't even know if I want to play anymore. I don't want to give anyone the gift that keeps on giving. If it was a few hundred years ago we could all move to Australia and start a Herpes society. Too late though. I used to be a glass-half-full guy, but realism keeps trumping my optimism at every turn.

Maybe if I take a really long shower it'll go away.

This sucks.

[Guest Anonymous]

tatszvngzv

[Guest Anonymous]

D'nile,

I had the sam eexact feelings that you're having when I was diagnosed back in '89. Yes, it does suck, but LIFE GOES ON!!!!!!!! Research as much as you can this will help you manage your feelings as well as your outbreaks. Stress brings on outbreaks as well as your overall health. Right now your stress level is up and your health is being affected. Vitamin C and L-lysine help with the outbreaks. Don't waste your money or health on the prescription drugs. They'll kill your liver. I used to get outbreaks twice to three times a month, now I get them once every three to four months. Also, GNC or any health food store sells a oxygen wash, use it all of the time. The virus is always present but only comes through the skin when the skin begins to break down allowing the virus a place to exit and grow. We are all born with the virus, chicken pox, cold sores, etc.

JUST REMEMBER IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!! You can still have sex, you just have to be more aware of what your body is doing. Take Care. If you need anymore advice just write.

Past D'Nile

[Guest Anonymous]

i feel the same way....

I was just diagnosed with HSV less than a month ago after a rape. I had just begun seeing someone when this happened. The relationship had the potential to turn into something good, but I pushed him away with no explanation. At this point, not only am I trying to recover from this horrible assault, but I am now faced with dealing with a life-altering disease, a disease that will haunt me forever. My thoughts are, why would I want to be with someone, someone I care about, and put them at risk? or why would anyone want to be with "damaged goods"? I have never felt so alone or afraid. I have an extremely supportive and wonderful family, but I am too ashamed to tell them. Since I am so newly diagnosed, it's a struggle just to get through the day. My biggest fear is never allowing myself to love or be loved. It means so much to me to talk with someone that understands, or has been where I am now. As much as I would not wish what has happened to me on my worst enemy, I take comfort in your stories, as I hope you do in mine. We need to help each other get through this. I just want someone to tell me everything will be OK, and that one day I will be able to have a healthy, normal, loving, intimate relationship. But right now, I feel as though that day will never arrive...

[Faith]

Oh... my... Do I know how you feel?

I was raped by a good friend of mine (at least I thought he was). And also I have HSV-2 though I didn't get it from the rape. I imagine that it must be harder if you got it from the result of rape....

But listen. I've learned a lot of things, through that experience.

What you did (pushing him away with no explanation) was the "best" thing to do. Rapists are control freaks. All they want is to find someone who "looks" weak, and conquer the person. Their ego is too strong to care about how other people feel. If you take action (take it to the court) or not.... that's up to you. But, you HAVE TO stay away from him. There is no explanation for raping someone. I was ignorant, although my best friend told me to stay away from the person who raped me, I tried to talk to him, because I believed that he was a good friend, and he must've had an explanation for his action. I met him again to talk, then ended up being raped again. He told me that he did that because he loved me, but he disappeared after that. After the incident, I was scared of men, and I felt that I was a "dirty" thing. It took a long time for me to see the world and people in a positive way.

As for herpes, just remember, we are not "damaged goods". Don't let herpes ruin who you are. Herpes has nothing to do with your personality. I do know how you feel. I went through exactly the same feeling. But you WILL see yourself in a positive way sooner or later. Go to many herpes' websites, and read articles and people's stories and posts. Study facts about herpes and educate yourself. I know, that will help you to see yourself objectively.

You may feel better if you can tell someone in your family about herpes. I told my mother and fortunately she understood the fact and my pain. That was a huge relief.

I felt the same way. I thought that I will never be able to love someone or be loved by someone.

I too felt that this desease would haunt me forever, and felt hopeless. I felt lonely, and in fact I was alone, had no one to even go out with, for years. I cried so many times, wishing that someone will come to help me and accept me and all the fact, and make me happy again.

But no matter how strong I wished, I was still alone and hopeless.

But when I faced everything that happened, when I accepted myself and all the facts,.... my life started changing. And realized that no one can help me. " I " am the only one who can help me and make me happy!

Now there is someone in my life ( I couldn't imagine this even a year ago ), he is the most wonderful person I ever met, and I love him from my heart. He accepts me, herpes, and all the fact I went through, and still there for me. But I'm still debating. I'm still scared of having intimacy. I don't want to give him herpes and make him suffer from it. Never.

But... one day we may want to have intimacy after careful cosideration. So at least, I wanna do all I can do before that happens. Now I'm trying to educate myself more, trying to get more information about safer sex and reduce the risk very close to zero.

I know you are having very difficult time now.

But I hope that my story will help you someday...

It may take time. But believe me, someday, you WILL appreciate all experiences (including bad things) that you went through. They all will give you wonderful strength that you can't imagine.

<smile>

Faith

[Dave__Who]

I guess I could be angry at the girl' date=' but what's the point? Maybe I'll just come up with a fictional girl named Helen Herpes and I'll fictionally hate her for the rest of my life.[/quote']

Bwhahahaha.. I'll use this point of view myself..

Get used to it.. Overtime you'll forgive yourself.

Get used to it.. Overtime you'll forgive yourself.

Ok get ready for the killer. You meet a fine looking girl and you get on like a house on fire. You develope a relationship and a certain rapour and overtime you become close and the whole thing blossoms. But all the time in the back of your mind is the fact that you are cursed..

It eats away at your consciousness like a beaver chewwing for wood, for it's dam.

This is where you start your new life. Because from now on your life is going to be totaly different. Your condition is not the sort of topic you do not bring up in idle chit chat with a perspective date/mate.

At least you can add a bit of humour into an otherwise tragic situation..

Chin up fellow.

[Guest Anonymous]

I stumbled across this site - as I have spent the last 2 hours sitting here at work trying to figure out what the freaking sores on my thigh are - well after reading just about every symptoms website I know what it is. I'm scared and ashamed right now... I know I need to go to the doctor, but I'm so sad and embarrassed. I want someone's help but I can't bring myself to ask any friends. What is the best thing to do - should I make an appt with a family doctor - should I just go to a clinic? Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks.......

[Faith]

I'm scared and ashamed right now... I know I need to go to the doctor, but I'm so sad and embarrassed. I want someone's help but I can't bring myself to ask any friends. What is the best thing to do - should I make an appt with a family doctor - should I just go to a clinic? Any advice would be helpful.

The best thing to do? Go see a doctor.

I would see a doctor who is specialized in this kind of STD. I won't go see a family doctor... not because it's embarrasing (of course), just because I've been feeling that some primary doctors don't know much about herpes.

You'll see.... you're gonna feel much better after you go to see a doctor and get it tested. Much better than sitting there and wondering and worrying. And don't worry, even if it's herpes, no one there will judge you. They'll just see you as one of soooo many HSV (herpes) patients.

Don't worry. <smile>

Faith

[Guest Anonymous]

Thanks Faith.... damn this is so hard. I have never had a health issue in my life. I'm a good looking healthy 25 year old guy. I know your advice is what I must do but damn I feel like a coward - to go and face the music. I will. I will do this tomorrow I just need stop thinking about it and just go do it. I just keep thinking - no cure - for life.... and tears form in my eyes. I know things could be worse but...

[Faith]

Hi,

Probably... most of people who visit this forum have shed tears...

Even if you have it, you are still good looking guy , you just have to be careful about certain things in your life from now on...

Herpes does affect your life. Yes, it is no cure available so far. But it doesn't ruin your life. Rather opposite. I didn't know that first, but I've come to know that lately.

When you accept the fact, you're gonna give you more credit than ever. It gives you strength and you're gonna feel confident about yourself more than ever. Trust me on that.

Besides, did you read the post that Richard wrote in this forum, and some people's reply about oxygen therapy? I was very excited when I read that. I -still- believe... that someday, there's gonna be a cure for herpes. And these people's quest, and voices will make it available for all of us someday.

Anyway...

Having herpes doesn't mean that you step into a scary world.

Don't be afraid to know the fact. Believe me, no matter what the result is, you're gonna be still you. You're gonna be fine.

Best wishes..

Faith

[Guest Anonymous]

Faith - your words are very comforting.... Thank you for reaching out to an anonymous person and making him feel a tiny bit better. I've decided today is the day. I have one big thing on my plate at work, once that is done I am going to the clinic. Subconsciously I keep coming up with reasons and excuses to wait till monday or whenever.... but I need to get this done....

It's funny... I'm an avid rock climber - I climb many hundreds of feet off the ground hanging on my a hair, though I never get too scared because I am in control of the situation, with my body and mind working together I know I will be just fine. People say "you must be so brave to do that" I'm not a brave person - just the thought of going to the clinic and to face the reality of my situation has scared the crap out of me - more than any climb I have ever done...... for once I'm not in control.

[Faith]

I climb many hundreds of feet off the ground hanging on my a hair' date=' though I never get too scared because I am in control of the situation, with my body and mind working together I know I will be just fine. People say "you must be so brave to do that" I'm not a brave person - just the thought of going to the clinic and to face the reality of my situation has scared the crap out of me - more than any climb I have ever done...... for once I'm not in control.[/quote']

It's -exactly- the same thing. When your body and mind work together and are balanced, ....... that's the time you feel confident the most, and know that you will be just fine...!

The key, is the balance. The height you climb doesn't matter, as long as you keep the balance in yourself...right?

Security is something you find in that balance, in yourself. Not something you find in a comparison to other thing or someone else.

You know the feel in one thing (rock climbing), so it will be easy to apply it to another thing. Don't worry. You do have more than enough strength to deal with this (probably anything) in you, already. We all do.

......I wouldn't voluntarily climb hundreds of feet off the ground though.....

That would scare the hell out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best wishes........

Faith

[Guest Anonymous]

Faith - who are u?? You are amazing truely an angel. Thanks so much for the kind words. Your support is very needed. I just finished my project at work so I'll be leaving here in an hour to go get tested...

I'm feeling pretty pathetic still - everytime I just keep thinking of the title of this thread "Your new life"..... My new life.... The though of sex makes me shudder, the thought of sitting down with every girl I date for "the talk" makes me shudder, even if they know and are ok with it - if I gave this to anyone else I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.....

Im really having trouble seeing any silver lining - my step father is a doctor so is a very good friend - I know their job is to make people feel better about their diseases - don't worry 1 in 5 people have it, don't worry you're life isnt over etc etc I know they are just trying to spin a bad into a good and sadly i don't buy it...

I've done alot of research this week - and have boiled it down to it's simplest equation - I have herpes, I will for the rest of my life as there is no cure. In less than a week I have gone from having a a greeat happy life and great health to well where I am now - sad and diseased. Might as well put a stamp on my forehead and quarantine me

[Guest Anonymous]

that was me above

[Faith]

Faith - who are u?? You are amazing truely an angel. Thanks so much for the kind words. Your support is very needed. I just finished my project at work so I'll be leaving here in an hour to go get tested...

Oh ..... no no, thank YOU for your words... I'm glad I could help a bit.........

I hope that everything went well (means that you went to a clinic, got the test).

my step father is a doctor so is a very good friend - I know their job is to make people feel better about their diseases - don't worry 1 in 5 people have it' date=' don't worry you're life isnt over etc etc I know they are just trying to spin a bad into a good and sadly i don't buy it..[/quote']

I don't buy it, either. Because I believe, only people who went through the same thing know how you feel, and know what having herpes is like. Your best friend would cry for you, but he/she still doesn't know the true issue and the pain you are going through.

[Guest Anonymous]

Faith - wow that was a very powerful post. Thank you for taking the time to write it - I think you are amazing.

I went to the clinic on Friday - sitting in the waiting room for over an hour and a half was the scariest thing I had ever done....

So when it was my time with the doctor - I went in and told him about my symptoms and told him I was pretty sure I knew what it was... He asked to see of course and I did....

After much starring and looking around... he told me that I didn't have herpes - that I had Pitriasis Rosea (rash explosion that lasts 6 weeks and goes away) - I think my jaw hit the floor around this point. I was shocked.... I was so convinced that my "google diagnosis" was herpes I had spent the week freaking out and had even told my best friend and my ex... (both were amazingly supportive).

I went back and forth about posting this - ultimately decided to post - in the hopes that if someone out there thinks they have herpes - do not do as I did and self-diagnose - GO SEE A DOCTOR - don't jump to conclusions.... I had already convinced myself I had it, the stress was eating me up - I couldn't sleep or focus on work...

Good luck to everyone - I have learned a valuable lesson in this process and this will serve as an important life lesson to me. Thanks Faith for all your kinds words and support. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

[Faith]

Hi!

I'm glad to see your post. I was kind of worrying..........

That's great, it was something else. (Pitriasis Rosea... it will heal completely, right?) Besides, because of that you went through this crazy time ( you convinced yourself you had herpes ) and you did a lot of research about HSV, now you are all educated!! Now you can protect you, and your partner!

You sounded like a very good and honest person. I really hope that you will have a great future, and I believe you will.

Please don't forget the emotional experience you went through. Please don't forget the pain. Always be open to your partner, and be protected. Caring for one another, is the most important thing in the whole world.

And thank you so much for your wish for me.

Your words lightened my life.

Through helping you, I was being helped.

That's how it works.

Please take care, and have fun with the... rock climbing!!!

<big smile>

Faith

[Richard]

Faith - who are u?? You are amazing truely an angel.

Yep she is...

Rich

[Faith]

Ahh....

Thank you, Rich... <blushing...!!!!!>

Faith